Feeling useless

[TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter]

I'm married, working part time in what would probably be considered highly respected job with an incredibly supportive family, and I have an 18 month old ds.

I'm 7 weeks pregnant and am floored by it. Never had a single symptom with ds. Currently in bed with vomiting bug, after two week cold and severe sinusitis, along with daily headaches and mild nausea.

I feel useless, like I'm letting work down today, husband down (he worked till 11 last night and had had to get up with ds as I'm so physically weak this morning, thankfully no more vomiting) and I'm worried everyone's first thought is going to be - how will she cope with another?? A single mum with no support network would just have to get on with it. I feel so utterly useless. I used to be so self sufficient. Do I just need to power through and stop being so pathetic? Need a reality check here

If you’re too ill to function you’re too ill to function OP. It’s just the way it is. If I was a single mother and had a migraine as bad as the ones I usually get I’d have to call emergency help or social services or something if I didn’t have anyone as no amount of willpower or trying would make me able to physically withstand leaving the horizontal position on the bed. I’ve heard single mums who say no matter what happens they just have to keep going and I’m sure that’s the case for everything they’ve dealt with so far but they’ve been fortunate not to be truly laid out by something. The flu for example, you’re too physically weak to actually walk to the bathroom and can only crawl so there’s no way you could keep going with childcare and you’d have to find another solution. I know people talk about powering through but you’re clearly a determined accomplished person who didn’t get to where you are now without pulling your socks up and powering on, the fact you’re too ill now to do anything just shows how incredibly poorly you feel!

It’s not a moral failing remember, it’s just bad luck. Nobody will judge you, least of all your husband who put the baby in there in the first place and who has seen how you were with your first pregnancy, your workplace might be annoyed if they’re that way inclined but they shouldn’t discriminate against you in any way due to this as that’s sex discrimination. at the end of the day this period won’t last forever and you’ll cope fine when this early part wears off I’m sure. It sounds actually like you’ve just had bad luck health wise, a cold and vomiting bug isn’t necessarily related to pregnancy so you could have been this way even if you weren’t pregnant!

Powering through will just make you take longer to recover and you need to be kind to yourself for a while. Try not to feel bad for your husband, if he was this poorly you’d work round the clock to keep the show on the road I’m sure, anyone would. A few days/weeks of long days and childcare isn’t going to break a happy marriage, sometimes it’s nice to be able to step up and feel like you’re taking care of the person you love, especially while you’re growing a new member of the family.

Let the guilt go OP. Be nice to yourself! Lots of rest, drink tonnes of water, eat fruit if you can but don’t worry if you can’t.

Every pregnancy is different op

I am expecting dc5 and my easiest pregnancy by far was my first. All i had to do was sort myself out!

Thank you both. I'm feeling a bit better physically and mentally now! It's hard, I used to only depend on myself but now my actions have many more repercussions, and putting my big girl pants on and battling on to work often isn't practical, whether I'm sick or ds1 is sick or my mum who looks after him is sick. Its not just me any more!

Emerald, thank you for taking the time to write such a lovely response, I really appreciate it. Im with you on the migraine thing, sometimes I can drag myself onwards but some days moving and opening my eyes is impossible.

Onwards and upwards!