Feel like I have made a huge mistake

[Amelia910]

I’m 28 weeks pregnant, wasn’t planned but I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. In a stable relationship and he originally wanted me to terminate but is now fully on board.

I’ve not had a good pregnancy, various sickness and illnesses etc I don’t feel like my body is my own and really hate being pregnant.

I’m also now at risk of redundancy at my job which would mean me getting none of my maternity pay from my employer (not after advice on this bit I have fully investigated my rights, where I stand etc)

I feel so unprepared for having a baby, I can’t picture him or it happening, not sure how i am going to cope with birth and a newborn

I feel so low and sad, can’t enjoy anything, feel like i have completely lost myself and he isn’t even here yet

Don’t feel like I can talk to my partner, friends or family as I feel awful for my feelings and They wouldn’t understand

Where do I go from here?

I do love this baby I just don’t know how I’m going to cope with any of it

Hi @Amelia910. Firstly, Big Hug! (i'm guessing this might be your first pregnancy?)
Some people cope with pregnancy really well, they look and feel great. Don't you just wish you were one of those!
I don't enjoy being pregnant, at all! (on 4th Pregnancy with 1mmc), I feel nauseas and vomit until around 16-20 weeks then I struggle to walk and as for sleep, well that's a long and distant memory! Like you, I don't feel like my body is my own and I feel irritatingly anxious and vulnerable because of it. BUT, for me the feelings pass after pregnancy, Hopefully for you too.
As for feeling unprepared...When my dd was born (1st) love didn't happen straight away for us, it grew and intensified over time. Like a new relationship I guess. I didn't have a clue, none of us first timers are prepared for bringing a new life into the world, we wing it and we get there in our own time.

Do you think perhaps the way you are feeling about your body/pregnancy combined with your possible redundancy makes you feel like your circumstances are a little out of your control?

Are you attending any birthing classes? something like pregnancy yoga or other__ (fill in the space) might be a place where you can find a 'you space' separate from what is going on in your life right now. I'm not suggesting ignoring your thoughts, simply finding an outlet to generate some happiness, something for you.
Sending love X

Op fwiw a lot of what you’re feeling I feel too, and this was a very planned pg that I thought about for over 5 years! So, I think a lot of thr worry you feel is normal and lots of people worry over. It’s definitely worth mentioning your thoughts to your mw, if you think it might help you she might offer to refer you to a mh team to help you through pg. for me pg is the worst time in that I feel so constantly awful and would never ever want to do it but it’s a means to an end and I’m tolerating it for the end goal.

I can relate to how you're feeling, although my circumstances are slightly different.

My pregnancy was unexpected, I am not entitled to maternity leave and it's going to be really hard juggling a newborn with everything else and work.

I'm super excited for my baby to come and happy to be having them. At the same time, I'm worried about what lies ahead of me, how I am going to manage and it does get to me. There have been lots of tears!

Pregnancy is obviously a privilege and something many women don't get to experience. As a result, I think it makes it hard for people to be honest when they are feeling unhappy about elements of it.

I know I've personally spoken to a few people about concerns I have and quite often the response is... at least you're having a baby. Yes I am, I am incredibly lucky but the circumstances aren't ideal and it's going to be hard.

Sorry I can't offer much advice, I can only say that I feel you completely and to not beat yourself up about how you feel. Us women have a way of managing to juggle what life throws at us. If you can't, don't be afraid to talk to someone or ask for support.

Thank you all of you. Just knowing that others have felt like I do now makes me feel less isolated! Yes it is my first. I feel like I can’t talk to my midwife honestly as my partner is there and I feel so guilty for these thoughts xx

Cja06. I totally understand. Im having a pregancy scare right now and it is terrifying. I so feel for you. What I would say is : you still have options. If you want to give up the baby for adoption. If you keep the baby is there anyone you can express your worry to. My cousin just had a baby and she is getting alot of help from her mother. Get all the help available to you. And you will get a new job!

I'd really suggest seeing your midwife solo (I've never taken my DH to any appointments and you're not allowed to take partners to a couple of the appointments here). She might also be able to refer you to the perinatal mental health team - there is definitely help out there and you are definitely not alone in how you're feeling. I think pregnancy/having a child is just such a big thing to try and get your head round that it's no surprise that some of us struggle (and I include myself in that)

I felt the same (planned pregnancy) but it was just the awfulness of being pregnant. I know it's something to be grateful for but I just couldn't keep my spirits up feeling constantly so shit. I cried daily and at one point secretly wished to miscarry to have a break from vomiting.

I can honestly say birth and having a newborn was super easy by comparison and I have been happy every day since.

Sorry about your work situation though, that's annoying.

Don't worry about feeling like you don't know what to do once baby is here. It will seem obvious most of the time, and for any questions there is this forum, the internet, your midwife, HV, baby groups, there's plenty of help.

@Jaimemai not sure if your message was meant for me. I'm happy with my pregnancy and definitely keeping. My comment was more about circumstances surrounding it and being able to relate to the OP