Hi all,
I’m feeling very low and scared about this and not sure who else to talk to. I’m 24 weeks pregnant with DC2 and feeling no bond or connection or excitement about our new baby. This is (was?) a very much wanted pregnancy, we were TTC for a year and I suffered a mc last summer. I was ecstatic when I first found out I was pregnant again.
Since then I have had a difficult pregnancy compared to an easy one first time around - horrendous sickness, exhaustion and insomnia right from the start. The sickness has eased but I’m still only getting a few hours sleep a night. I’ve been signed off work the last 4 weeks with antenatal depression and have been referred to a counsellor, first session due in 2 weeks. In the meantime I have some goodish days but mostly bad - can’t get out of bed, cry a lot, won’t see or talk to anyone. My DS is 2 and is currently going through the referral / evaluation process for delayed speech and suspected ASD which is also difficult. And I worry my current state of mind can’t be helping him. I also feel guilty I’m not able to give him my undivided attention first with the pregnancy side effects and now as Im mostly an exhausted emotional mess. My DP is struggling to keep everything together by himself and even though he’s mostly great, there have been times he snaps at me and it’s clear he is resenting the situation.
Everything is a bit much right now and this feeling of disconnection with the baby is just devastating me. I feel like I wish I hadn’t gotten pregnant - partly as I blame the depression on pregnancy hormones to a certain extent and feel like this is ruining my life, and I’m worried about how I’m going to feel when she arrives.
I’m not really sure what my question is here but I feel like I’m the worst person and mum ever. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this specific feeling as I’m too ashamed, but feel like I’m going to explode with the stress of it. I think I’m just hoping someone has been through something similar and come out the other side ok.
Thanks for reading