Midwife concerns!

[LittleK1989]

So I'm a first time mum to be and would like some advise if my midwife really is pants or if it's just me not knowing! I won't go into every single detail but basically first meeting she turned up 45 mins late, her attitude was that I get the time off work anyway, she didn't have me in her iPad so had to do it all manually, she didn't really reassure me about things just seemed very unapproachable! She gave me a leaflet on the tests I can be offered for downs etc but that was it. She didn't leave me a list of any other emergency contacts just had her number. I phoned her a couple of times and she didn't answer or call me back, thought I had an infection so I had to google my hospitals antenatal unit and they gave me advise went to the doctors yes I did have one (nothing major, thrush). Anyway my next appointment was 16 weeks (last week) and she said it was just a catch up how did I feel - I don't feel I can share anything with her I don't feel comfortable talking about my worries, so I just said I was fine - she said did I have my urine sample? I didn't know I had to bring one (bare in mind it's my first baby - how am I supposed to know these things? Honestly?) she said there's a tube on the front desk - my receptionist never told me. So did that went back in I said I'd had an infection - she said what was it I said thrush she said oh that's normal have you never had it before? You're lucky! That was that. There was another midwife there who tested my urine I heard her say I had something in it was it because of the thrush but nothing was wrote down my normal midwife seemed to bat it off. I had my blood pressure taken, she said have I booked my antenatal classes I said I didn't know I had to she said all the info should be in my Emma's diary pack? Again, I said I hadn't had that - the other woman said did I have a bounty pack? No. Surprise surprise my midwife didn't have a pack neither did the doctors but she gave me a book from 2016 and said all the info is the same. Said I need to book my whooping cough, next appointment in June and that was it.

Can someone answer me if this is normal and is it normal treatment? I understand the NHS is struggling so I do apologise if I sound very ungrateful I just expected so much more and I feel completely in the dark. I'm 17 weeks and everywhere I turn it seems to be that I'm expected to know everything. I don't have many mum friends to ask so I rely on google and supposedly my midwife but I don't feel I can!

Some advise or words of wisdom would be appreciate. TIA xxx

Mine were crap...I saw were because I had multiple! It was a joke! I had a bleed at 18 weeks, tried to call my midwife, phone was off. Luckily I had the pregnancy pack which was given to me on the first appointment (Big a3 sling type thing, did you get one? If not, your midwife should have given you that) which had the labour wards number on.
Emmas diary and bounty are what YOU sign up for as an extra. The midwife should be giving you that basic info. About 3 weeks before my due date, mine goes 'Have you booked in your labour ward tour?' Ermmm no because you haven't told me anything about that.

Like you, I know the NHS are struggling, but still....first time Mother's should get much better support! To be blunt, they were fucking useless!

Yeah that sounds pretty rubbish, sorry you've not had a welcoming experience, you are a person after all and should feel respected rather than like you're being rushed through. my experience has been very different. As in, was given a urine pot at first meeting and two days later text from midwife to say please can we repeat because they were picking up signs of infection and then swift results from that. All numbers explained and pointed out on notes. Bounty pack given, advised of what appointments to expect etc.

My midwife works part time is the only midwife for our doctors surgery so has 50+ women to see and was nothing like that apart from she’s normally 40 mins late at appointments but as she’s so nice it doesn’t bother me so much! I don’t have her number though and if I needed anything I would have to call Medi com who would get a midwife to contact me. The services are definitely stretched but you shouldn’t feel so lost and on your own !!

She sounds kinda crap tbh, being late is pretty normal as they usually have loads of women to see and do most times run late, how ever she should be approachable, organised and call you back if you have left her a message.
If you are really not gelling with her and able to you should ask to change midwives. I had one amazing midwife and one who was kind of crappy but she ended up being fantastic.you shouldn't feel uncomfortable with her and that's why, if it were you i would change

Thanks all for your opinions! I didn't get an a3 folder no, I literally got my yellow notes & a leaflet for the tests. That's all I've had apart from the Emma's diary book. I have no problem getting these things online and tbh I found them myself I didn't realise they were the same ones! Like you say it's just knowing these things!

I do want to change because of that reason - it doesn't matter weather I think she's crap and really she's not - if I can't talk to her how can I share my worries if somethings wrong. How do I go about changing?

Thanks aswell - I kind of wonder weather I'm being over the top but I just don't know what to expect and don't feel I have any info except what I've found out myself online.

Maternity services vary a lot within UK even in the same trust. I don't think you have missed out on anything vital. I think they can often forget everything is new to you. I think your experience sounds fairly typical for a first pregnancy. I think nhs ante natal care is generally very poor from a caring side while ensuring all right tests etc are done there is often no time for a bed side manner and if you have a straight forward pregnancy you won't have many appointments so you never build much rappour even if you see the same midwife. So I guess I think it sounds not great but normal - you are not missing out.

I guess my concern isn't that I'm missing out it's more that I have no other numbers and my midwife doesn't answer her phone or phone back when I leave messages. My other issue is that I'm expected to know things that I really don't and I don't feel I can talk to my midwife because she isn't very supportive generally (take the infection for example) and doesn't explain anything to me. So really it's a waste of NHS money surely?

Mine wasn’t much different, down to asking me for a urine sample that I hadn’t been told to bring. And then we are supposed to rinse and reuse them.

I never had a number for the community midwife, and I haven’t felt like I could really ask her anything. The hospital has been better but only relevant later on for me. I’ve gotten more info from women on Mumsnet than from anyone in the NHS, to be honest.

I’m not sure how it works by you, but I’d make sure you have the number for the antenatal assessment unit as they’ve been the most helpful for me.

I have also found that I’ve needed to ask multiple health professionals until I get an answer from someone. My community midwife told me I didn’t need a test that I did need, and wouldn’t have gotten had I not been educated and asked another health professional.

Hang in there. I have really struggled but have met some very diligent, caring professionals along the way as well.

unfortunately they don't always have time to coddle every first time mum... as you say the nhs is stretched to breaking point, they're overworked and underfunded. you can find info on what each appointment involves on your trusts website and that will tell you if you need a urine sample- but just assume you do for every one and ask for a sample pot when you leave for next time.

I'd avoid bounty packs after recent news, and the Emma's diary ones are a bit crap. You'll have (or can find) the numbers for pregnancy assessment units and/or labour wards if you have an emergency.

Is it a hospital delivery you're planning? If so I'd assume you won't have that midwife for labour so it's only really a handful of appointments you have to see her for anyway... if you're that uncomfortable request someone else, be prepared that it doesn't mean you'll get the special treatment you'd expect though.

I never saw the same one twice my whole pregnancy first time and had at least 4 during labour. I had a number for the labour ward and a generic midwife contact number that never got answered.

Well I can’t see how she’s done anything wrong to be honest - re; thrush, it is pretty rare for a women to get to this that point in her life without ever having it! She was right, you are lucky.
Community midwives are not councillors, doctors, or there for emergency care. They are just a touch point. I can’t see why you’d need to ring them? Unless you were having a bleed or in severe pain, in which case you would just be deferred to emergency gynae or EPU.
I’m under a consultant, and the community midwife is vital in setting this up, and they set up scans etc (I’ve needed 3 due to high risk factors and previous pregnancy losses).
If you are having a straight forward pregnancy you’ll just get standard appointments, I don’t know what else you were expecting.
By a pregnancy book off amazon, you can’t expect the nhs to hand hold you through a routine pregnancy. And if something was actually wrong it would be dealt with my the hospital, as the community midwife and gp can do very little.

I'd avoid bounty packs after recent news, and the Emma's diary ones are a bit crap.

What recent news?

With all due respect what I was expecting wasn't known hence why I've asked in here if it sounds normal. I appreciate you've obviously had a high risk pregnancy so would need more care, however it's my first time & I don't know what to expect or do, and I don't feel I've had this information from the midwife or at least had an idea of what I'm supposed to do at each appointment or the next stage. So to go into more detail - I had green discharge. Everywhere I read on the internet said it's an abnormal sign and can be dangerous. Never had that before in my life. I was prescribed cream but not told what it was for. So I googled it and it was thrush. So no, I never have had green discharge before in my life perhaps I am lucky. Thanks for the advise of buying a pregnancy book and that no one has them time to 'coddle' new mums. Very helpful posts. Appreciate the time out you've taken. So yes in your opinion, I'm over reacting and what do I expect.

Also where have I asked for special treatment? I've asked for some advice on what to expect. If that's special treatment then yet again - apologies.

And what would I need to ring my midwife for? Because I don't know when I was supposed to see her next. She said around week 16. I don't know when she in the clinic. My doctors said she's the cover midwife so she wasn't sure when she was in. Just one instance really. Perhaps I should just go to my doctors whenever I think I may or may not have something wrong that I've googled on the internet rather than ringing my midwife. I thought that's what they were for but clearly they're there for emergencies only.

@HamCheeseHamnCheese bounty have had massive fines because they have shared personal data with dozens of companies illegally- they've always been a PITA but to have pushed new parents into sharing their data and then selling it on is despicable.

@LittleK1989 it's all information you can find easily with a quick search for your trusts ante natal pages though, what do you want from a community midwife? Your gp should be your first call if you suspect infection, and I presume you are an adult and could ask what a cream is for if you don't understand. that's not the midwives fault.
First babies are unknown (and terrifying!), but you do have to take responsibility and find things out or ask questions for yourself. Most general info is available online.

I’ve had a similar experience with my midwife...I’m only 23 weeks and don’t even have a main midwife. There’s a team of them but they didn’t ask how I was feeling and I was given a student midwife on my last apt. The senior overseeing her was just dismissive when I mentioned symptoms I had and told me to go to the gp. Gp told me to go to midwife!!

I feel very left to it as a first time mum I don’t know what to expect so it’s a bit rubbish. I’ve just been reading the nhs website and asking people around me who’ve had kids recently.

I think you are expecting quite a lot from your midwife to be honest. As others have said, if you have a low risk pregnancy you will only see your midwife at your standard appointments (these are on the nhs website if you're not sure of then next to see her). Unfortunately they cover so many women that they can't respond to every little query a woman has. Obviously if it's something serious they will get back to you, but little twinges, things like thrush (which are common in pregnancy) you can find out yourself.
That's why I've personally found mn so helpful as all the things I don't know about pregnancy I've asked on here, before bothering my midwife unnecessarily.
Not everyone will click and be able to have w great rapport with their midwife, of course it would be great if you had a relationship with them but unfortunately it's not really possible when they see so many women.
Definitely don't feel like you can't tell her things though - she's a medical professional and your appointments with her are the time to ask the questions you have!

It’s all similar for me, I would remind mine to check the measurements on chart, ( which once resulted in an Emergancy scan due to lack of growth but if I hadn’t said anything we never would have known or been checked.

I sit read my pack checked up on what she wrote in there and enjoyed the listening to heart beat part.

My appointments were always 45-60 mins late without fail... I am guessing under staffing = exhausted midwifes with diary’s too busy to manage.

I have 2 kids have them at homerton hospital. My midwives were always good, if I wasn't happy I opened my mouth. And ask for what I needed. Sorry, can't you not book your next appointment with the other midwife you saw in the room? I think you need to start talking and raising your concerns otherwise they won't know. If you ask and you get not answer them write a formal complaint, friends and family surveys, manager, NHS England etc...

And normally there is a pregnancy helpline for you to ask what you need!

I get that you’re a first time mum, but I think you’re expecting to have your hand held a lot more than you will be offered by anyone in a normal, low risk pregnancy. A lot of the information you require is freely available on the general NHS website and also on your trust’s website. Typically your midwife will only ask if you’re feeling ok, check BP and urine, tell you what appointments you have next (or ask you if you’ve got any eg scan booked, consultant appointment etc) and then tell you what you need to book and when and then when you will see her next. The first appointment is the only one that really goes into any detail unless you specifically flag concerns up to them and realistically if any of those concerns were thought to be serious they’d be telling you to see a doctor or ring the hospital anyway. Otherwise they’re just a check up to see that everything is going as it should and that you are happy enough. They can give you advice about who to speak to if you have concerns etc etc, but they’re not really a hand holding service. If you have concerns about pregnancy then you should air them to her, but a better point of call for any other general health worries would be your maternity unit (if you have one, not everywhere does) or your doctor since you don’t see the midwife that often. What you’ve described here is the normal conversation that goes along with a very routine midwife appointment for a low risk pregnancy in my experience- apart from the first one they only last a few minutes.

Are you in an area where onetoone midwives operate? If you are you would love them! Well I do anyway, I have felt very spoilt. Xx

Seen a few posts like this on here lately and it's making me wonder if (and if so, why) there's so much variation in the paperwork given out at booking.

My green notes have a flow chart showing each appointment timing, the left hand page explains what is written on the right hand side, there's a big sticker on it saying take urine to every appointment, and another sticker with the different phone numbers on (I've four different midwife mobile numbers as well but never felt the need to ring them, always rang the community office or triage).

So although I've seen several different midwives they are all following the same process and it's been really easy (with some mumsnetting on the way of course!) for me to follow what should be happening.

Why isn't that the same for everyone? I assumed my green book was a standard procedure but it would seem not, reading on here.

A midwife should provide advice, care and support. And op is not getting this. She is not asking for special treatment or expecting too much, yes midwives are stretched, underpaid and over worked but they should still do their job in caring for an expectant mother who even tho is not high risk still deserves to know what is happening and what to expect at appointments. It's all very good saying to Google things but she shouldn't have to, it's the job of her midwife to provide her with the information she needs!

There should be a flow chart in your yellow notes telling you when to see the midwife. As a first time mum you'll see her a few more times than 2nd time + mums. My midwives have either booked appointments then and there or just told me to ring up and book my next one for when I'll xxx number of weeks.

A lot of it is "on you" with regards to making appointments etc because they're so stretched. My DS1 I didn't see the same midwives ever. DS2 I did but she made it very clear it was my responsibility to book my own appointments etc

I'd have a look on the nhs website and read your notes to give you some reassurance and guidance. You'll be able to find the numbers for you midwife unit in line (if you know your hospital) its fairly common for midwives not to answer. I'd call the epu if your after urgent advice over something they have midwives there who can call you back