Can fear cause a miscarriage?

[MamaDane]

So for a little background information, my DP is British so we fly to England 6-8 times a year and have been doing so efter since she moved countries for me a bit over 2 years ago. I am still, after all of these flights, insanely afraid of flying and before we started ttc, I would take Xanax every time. I also have avoidant personality disorder, which is a bit like social phobia except worse. I am also pregnant with twins.

Last night my mum and I talked about my upcoming trip to England (which is later today) and my mum asked if it was the last trip for me until birth (I am 17+0 today) and I said "No, last time we travel to England is when I'm at week 23"
Mum: "I think you should consider to stop flying a little sooner"
Me: "I am already stopping 5 weeks earlier than what it is allowed with twin pregnancies. You can fly without a doctor's note until 28 weeks. There's no reason to stop sooner."
Mum: "I know, but it's different with twins"
Me: "If they come at 23 weeks, they likely won't make it anyway. So it's irrelevant whether I'm home or there"
Mum: "but also because you get nervous and the children feel that"
Me: "Yes and it's OK to get nervous, I want the children to know that too. It's only a 1,5 hour flight."
Mum: "You can sense what is best. I won't say any more"
(this is translated from Danish and it all sounded a lot more judgemental in my language)

I already feel bad to cancel two birthdays in August (In England) because it'll be too late for me to travel and now my mum is making me worry that my fear will literally cause the babies harm.

Is she right though? Can my fear of flying harm the twins? 🙁 She's making me second guess myself and I'm getting angry for some reason.

Flying won’t harm them OP, neither will feeling anxious - good luck with your flight.

In a nutshell, no. It’s mean of your mum to put more fear in to you when you’re already anxious! If something did happen now it would essentially put blame on you which is very unfair (and incorrect)!

However, stress is very bad for you and your babies. If you will be so stressed that it will affect you badly I would personally just not go as you should be resting and putting your mental as well as physical health first at this special time.

Congratulations on the twins, how lovely

I flew to Denmark when 28 weeks pregnant with my ds (dh also Danish).. Ds was fine and I had researched whether it was safe etc beforehand and asked consultant who all said there was no reason not to fly (I was anxious afresh having several miscarriages) was just told to bring pregnancy notes with us.
I think it is ultimately up to you to decide what's best for you.. If make sure to have travel insurance that is OK with pregnancy also incase you do need to change the trip closer to the time.

No. It's an old wives tale that fear or shock can cause miscarriage.

If you could end a pregnancy like this abortion clinics wouldn’t exist.

Professor Lesley Regan’s book on miscarriage discusses this. It won’t cause mc.

Suggest you find ways to manage this kind of unhelpful comment from your mum (I have had to do this): assertiveness tips are good. Such as “broken record”, eg “I don’t want to discuss this”, “I find what you are saying upsetting, please stop”.

I've already flown once while pregnant (just 3 weeks ago for mother's day actually) and the boys were just fine, despite me being terrified as usual. I just don't understand what she thinks it would do to them?
She often does this. Instead of alleviate my fears, she tends to worsen them. She has anxiety herself, so I don't think she does it to be mean. She often gives unwanted advice as well, like if I am excited and show her a thing I bought for the twins (it was a couple of dummies), her first response is if it's safe, as though I'm so incompetent I don't research things first.

Another example being when I told her that I think I may have felt twin 2's very first movement a few days ago, she was excited and then she said "I hope the babies are okay.."

Last time I was flying I was frightened and told her and what she did was just tell me to stay home instead of reassuring me. I know I'm not a child, so I don't need my mum to always baby me but I wish she would just be a little more supportive.

Thankfully my partner is brilliant ❤️

Sorry I don't know where this rant is going. Thank you all for your replies. I am looking forward to the actual trip, it's only the flight that terrifies me. You have all helped me calm down a bit.

Loopytiles
I do tell her off though. I'm quite assertive, but she plays it off as though I'm being overly sensitive. That "I can't say anything to you without it being taken the wrong way" or "You always tell me to stop, you never want to listen to my point of view". It's exhausting

I hear you! Am familiar with this challenge and am working very hard not to do the same thing with my own DC! Those of us with anxiety have a responsibility to manage it and not do things like your mother is doing that affect others negatively!

That’s fine if she says those things, perhaps in time she’ll keep more of her thoughts to herself! Or perhaps not if anything like my parents, in which case your “boundaries” and techniques are useful.

It sounds as though although you are afraid of flying you recognise the symptoms and have strategies for dealing with it. Sounds to me as though your mum is projecting. As others have said, stress is bad but honestly, I have been incredibly stressed for parts of my pregnancy - not related to the pregnancy - and we're all still doing OK.

OP, I was top of the scale stressed, terrified, and in pieces during my full pregnancy - think constant crying, complete stress and worry throughout. I was scared it would have an impact on my baby. The midwives and consultants reassured me it wouldn't. And she's fine. X

Thanks guys. The flight was thankfully without much turbulence (mostly some at the end of the flight) and I was sweating all over my sweet partner's hand, but it went well. I was scared but really happy to be in England.

The twins seem fine as well