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Original poster

Bad day - help

20 replies

Hollykate30 · 17/04/2019 12:15

Morning guys,

I just didn't know where to turn but I've had such a bad morning I just needed to vent!

Firstly my partner and I have had an argument, I mean I didn't think you could argue with pregnant women but whatever GrinGrinGrin. Just silly things but he is being really childish and I just want some some support at the moment, we have only just found out I am pregnant and he was the one who wanted this the most (he already has a child with his ex) and I wanted the baby of course but this is all new to me!

Secondly; I told my parents this morning and my Dads reaction was "oh shit, that's not good is it." I am so upset - just haven't really stopped feeling sad/crying about it. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do re any of the above xxx

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User1053051066 · 17/04/2019 12:18

Ignore them all and do what YOU want to do!!!!

Porridgeprincess · 17/04/2019 12:26

My partner was a bit off as well when I was pregnant first. Luckily he he came about, hopefully yours will to.

Your dads reaction was hurtful and rude. Hope he has a good think for himself or that your mother is slapping the head off him still.

I was so emotionally strung up to about week 16 and really needed to leave off steam a lot. Forums are great for venting!

HamCheeseHamnCheese · 17/04/2019 13:37

Why would your DF be disappointed in your news?

Can you give us some context... are you particularly young? Unemployed? In any circumstances where a baby would be less than ideal?

As for argument with your partner, again - whats the context? We have no idea if he was being an unreasonable arse or if he had a valid point.

Staying emotionally stable is hard enough during pregnancy with all the hormones etc. If you can, try to reduce the time with anyone thats going to have negative things to say and potentially upset you.

Original poster
Hollykate30 · 17/04/2019 14:15

@User1053051066 thank you, I am going to try really hard to!! Xxx

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Original poster
Hollykate30 · 17/04/2019 14:16

@Porridgeprincess thank you - I am just going to give my dad a wide birth for the rest of the week just don't think it is fair. I hope he realises how hurtful he has been and to be fair he is probably in shock! Xxx

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Original poster
Hollykate30 · 17/04/2019 14:20

@HamCheeseHamnCheese thanks for the comment - how are you???

In relation to my dad - I'm 30, work full time in a good job with a good salary. My boyfriend and I live together (we haven't been together long 6 months). I think he was in shock maybe?! I don't have any savings but my partner and I can save at least £12k before the baby is born for a new place to rent and stocking up on things. I just think he was shocked but so hurtful.

In relation to my partner - I just don't feel like he is being super supportive - maybe I am being unreasonable. An example - since we found out I have been pregnant he has had like two or three drinks an evening. He isn't a big drinker normally and I used to like a drink - it just feels mean like I can't drink and he is going to continue drinking and smoking may o add in front of my. My Nan said he is probably in shock as well. I sound so silly but I can't help it!! I just thought he might be slightly more I don't know .. am I making sense xxx

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CatSmize · 17/04/2019 15:12

I just wanted to let you know that my DH wasn't especially supportive at the beginning either despite him very much wanting this baby. When I asked if he was excited he said (joked, according to him) that I'd be expecting him to wait on me hand and foot now and he wasn't looking forward to that. I was really upset that that was the first thing that occurred to him instead of saying how amazing it was that we were going to be parents and wanting to make my life easier!

After having words and me communicating how I was feeling, little by little he really stepped up to the mark. Now, at 17 weeks, he does everything around the house when I'm having a bad day and is very supportive.

I really hope your DP is the same. I think often men are bloody crap at the beginning when we already have the weight of the world on our shoulders! Flowers

Your dad was bloody rude and I hope he apologises!

Original poster
Hollykate30 · 17/04/2019 15:42

@CatSmize hey thank you for your comment that has really helped. I hope he does as well. I think we was really shocked which was just odd and so unlike him in response!! Xxx

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Porridgeprincess · 17/04/2019 16:38

Hollykate, my partner has a drink some evenings too and I used to be so jealous. But I think as the pregnancy went on and he was more clued in, that he needed to step up more that I stopped being cross about that.We had one enormous fight in a hardware store at around week 14 and I couldn't speak to him for two weeks. I look back on that now and laugh as even though he was being a big baby, I also took way too much notice of him!!

Your dad will come around, he just reacted really badly. As you say, a wide berth now for him!

Doop · 17/04/2019 18:20

@Hollykate30 I thi is its weird for our partners. To us panic is expected but for them life is normal so we forget that maybe theyre stressed. And for them, we look normal and its too hard to imagine to anxiety and the hormones that make it so you can ONLY think about being pregnant. My partner said he couldn't believe how i knew how the baby was developing because he hadn't given it a thought! He also said he thought the tiredness and back pain was all in my head. This man is the softest, most thoughtful, easy going man I've ever met, and he was just weird! Now having had a scan at 13 weeks he is totally different and is cooking my tea as we speak!

HamCheeseHamnCheese · 17/04/2019 20:28

I imagine your dad was just shocked, maybe because you haven’t been in your relationship that long. I know my dad was shocked as well, he didn’t say anything as mean as yours did, but he wasn’t like .... elated with joy! He looked more shocked and even a little scared. I think, especially when it’s out of the blue, they find it hard to comprehend that their child is going to have a child of their own. Now that the news has sunk in, he’s over the moon. I hope your Dad come round to it as well.

Re DP, not sure what to advise as my DH is also still on the fags and booze. I’ve told him he needs to stop smoking, but the drinking doesn’t really bother me. I dont see how it would benefit me from him going without drinking as well, i’ve never really considered it to be honest. Hopefully, he’ll also be a bit better once it’s properly sunk in. Take him to your midwife appt, I know when I took my DH it came as a bit of a shock to him just how much we have to do. There’s a lot that goes into growing a human, I think it’s easy for them to forget (or just not realise) because it doesn’t affect them in their daily lives.

Good luck with it all

ELM8 · 17/04/2019 20:46

Hopefully things will improve when everything sinks in and they get used to it.

Re your dad: mine was pleased but a bit weird as well, I was wondering if it was a "that's my little girl" thing?

Re DH: totally understand, the drinking thing is getting me as well and I'm REALLY trying not to say anything as I know I'm being unreasonable as it won't help anything him not drinking but if he now drinks when he usually wouldn't (like weekdays or if we go out for lunch) I do find myself asking why!!

As other posters have said you need to look after yourself... hopefully the men will buck their ideas up Wink

Original poster
Hollykate30 · 18/04/2019 15:06

@Porridgeprincess thanks for your kind words I really appreciate the support I am hoping that things getting better and I get used to being pregnant! Xxx

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Original poster
Hollykate30 · 18/04/2019 15:07

@Doop I completely get that - I spoke to my Nan and she reasoned with me that he is under pressure as well and is a shock for all of us! Xxx

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Original poster
Hollykate30 · 18/04/2019 15:10

@HamCheeseHamnCheese great idea re taking DP to the midwife appointment - it's so strange isn't it like why do I care if he drinks and smokes but there is something that is starting to really annoy me!!

I hope my Dad comes around as well, I really love him and it makes me heart hurt that he isn't that happy you know xx

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Original poster
Hollykate30 · 18/04/2019 15:12

@ELM8 I know let's hope they do! It is funny isn't it they just don't seem to understand but maybe when we start showing and looking pregnant they will stop drinking xxx

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VictoriaBun · 18/04/2019 15:12

When I told my parents I was expecting, my father said ' VictoriaBun is having her very own dolly !' .I did go on to have girl but didn't call her Dolly 😂

Original poster
Hollykate30 · 18/04/2019 15:22

@VictoriaBun what a lovely story!! Congratulations on your arrival! Xxx

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VictoriaBun · 18/04/2019 17:14

HollyKate30

I'm retelling my story from over 20 years ago !😂😂😂😂
Thank you for your congratulations ! Lol
Congratulations on anticipation on yours Flowers

Original poster
Hollykate30 · 19/04/2019 12:27

@VictoriaBun 😂😂😂😂 - thanks for sharing though!

I am pleased to say that DP is now trying to be more understanding - he brought rum for this weekend which I have never drunk instead of the things he usually drinks xxx

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