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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Husband caught cheating a second time, day I told him I was pregnant

18 replies

mendingheart · 17/04/2019 09:28

I wrote about my husbands affair months ago. We've been together for 8 years and married for 2.5. In February 2018, I found out my husband had an 8 month affair with a work colleague. I went through so much stuff when finding out as he did not come clean. Through much marriage counseling we had finally recovered. Last week, I found out I am not having a baby. I told my husband while he was on a bachelor party, he was ecstatic. His old phone was left here and thus his messages synchronizing. On the night he first found out while on the bachelor: he went to a club, picked up another woman, they kissed and there were texts of them talking about who had a free bed in their room and whether they should rent a hotel. My husband says he didn't send those texts and it was a friend? (Come on, his name are on them). He also said that he was drunk and doesn't remember? And is an alcoholic and will seek help. I contacted the girl and she said indeed it was my husband, identified a photo and said they kissed. I am keeping the baby, but really do not know what to do. I have asked him to leave again and he has. Just really not knowing what to do, we were finally OK again and now he has created this entirely new drama. I am really stuck and would like to hear from anyone who has encouraging advice or has been in similar situations. I am just scared if I stay I am in for a lifetime of this behavior.

OP posts:
Maddis136 · 17/04/2019 09:33

It’s not possible for anyone else to tell you what the ‘right’ solution to this is. I’m very sorry you’re having this stress while pregnant.
For myself, I could never be with someone who repeatedly lied and cheated. They could always be thinking ‘this time I won’t get caught’. What I would want is a husband who would feel too much guilt to ever do such a thing. But I’m not you. I’m not the one having this man’s baby and all the history you have.
What I can say is you and your baby deserve better. No one deserves to be on edge, lied to, cheated on and disrespected. Especially while pregnant.
Big hugs xx

ILoveMaxiBondi · 17/04/2019 09:39

I’m so sorry OP.

You know you will never be able to trust him again if you stay together. After all that work to stay together after the first cheating (that you know about!) and he did it again, all the while you were thinking things were great.

Give yourself the biggest gift you could ever receive and set yourself free from a lifetime of mistrust.

ReallyReallyNo · 17/04/2019 09:39

“I am just scared if I stay I am in for a lifetime of this behaviour.”

Listen to your instincts, they’re putting you on the right path.

Sessy19 · 17/04/2019 09:43

This baby has done nothing to solidify your relationship. He found out you and he were going to be parents for the first time and he STILL went out and cheated?! How could anything like your family unit be so far away from his mind that he’s contemplating fucking another woman.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Once is a mistake, twice is a cunts trick. He’s not invested in this relationship, I would never trust him. Ever. He could go to therapy and AA every day and his deceit would put me in doubt. I’d assume first that he was hooking up with anything every time he was late home or out with friends. You need more than that.

IVEgottheDECAF · 17/04/2019 09:44

Bless you op

He is scum

You dont need that shit

He doesnt care about you or your baby

FriarTuck · 17/04/2019 09:48

He cheated once and you forgave him (I couldn't, you're a better person). But then he's cheated again AND when he's just found out you're pregnant. Either he has an addiction to sex, an addiction to cheating, an inability to not screw around when drunk or is a total bastard. None of those options have any positive aspect except maybe the when drunk one IF he's prepared to quit drinking. But given that the affair lasted 8 months then he can't have been drunk every time.
I honestly think you'd be better off alone if you can manage. Otherwise you're always going to be wondering and worrying, and that's not good for you or your marriage, or probably your child. I never suggest LTB as a default option, but on this occasion I think it would be justified because I can't see him changing.

Wolfiefan · 17/04/2019 09:52

He didn’t cheat once though did he? He cheated for eight months. And even then he didn’t come clean. He’s not someone you can trust is he?

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 17/04/2019 09:59

Fuck that. Divorce him. What an utter bastard.

Dvg · 17/04/2019 11:09

They never change x

Dont bring a baby into that family unit because it isn't fair, go it without the scum.

FriarTuck · 17/04/2019 11:34

He didn’t cheat once though did he? He cheated for eight months.
When I said he'd cheated once I meant he'd had one affair (that we know about about) rather than multiple women (not that this makes it any better) and that OP had forgiven him for that 8 months of cheating.
He's definitely not someone you'd want to risk trusting again.

LetsDoThisAgain · 17/04/2019 11:38

He will not change, I say that as someone who was married to a serial cheater. Get your things in order, contact a solicitor, and leave him. You deserve better and your kids deserve better than a Dad who cheats on their Mum.

HamCheeseHamnCheese · 17/04/2019 13:40

Leave his arse immediately.

Relationship, OVER.

As PP said, you deserve better and your kids do too.

BestZebbie · 17/04/2019 13:48

Leave him. Also, email his mother today with what you have described in your first post - tell her that she is going to be a nanny, but because of this action on top of his previous cheating, her son is not going to be there. Hopefully both his parents and yours will rally round and provide some of the emotional support you need in pregnancy and the early months.

snoopy18 · 17/04/2019 19:06

Doesn’t sound like he cares about you or the baby.

Get rid of him he will keep doing it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/04/2019 19:21

I'd have left after discovering he had had another relationship for eight months. I certainly wouldn't have TTC with him.

At least he's gone now but you're going to have him in your life for the next eighteen years of co parenting with him.

mendingheart · 18/04/2019 09:32

Yes, not nice. We weren't TTC actually. It was a one time at the wrong time. Schedules were off that month and it just happened....

I am not in position to let the pregnancy go, as I wouldn't be able to.

OP posts:
Mamabear12 · 18/04/2019 09:36

Once a cheater always a cheater. Some women would be able to accept this and stick with the man. I would not. But I know people who have.

Justus22 · 18/04/2019 10:04

Easy for me to say but I'd not have him back. This isn't even a situation where he's grown close to someone else he regularly spends time with whilst having a hard time at home (not that that would be excusable), this is him on a boys night out, going out looking for a meaningless fling, that's how little respect and value he's given your relationship, even knowing you're going to have his baby. This sort of man isn't ready or capable of loving anyone besides himself. Good parents quite literally put their children first and he cant even grow up and put his ego and selfishness aside to go out with his friends and stay faithful to you. My husband is quite literally my best friend and most trusted confident, it'd break my heart to lose him but if he betrayed me I'd never trust him or anyone again I'd be that shocked he could manage it, I never knew that sort of security before him but it's what everyone deserves in a marriage in my honest opinion anything else is settling and you deserve better. I totally understand why you would take him back, short term it may cause you the least pain and aggravation but long term it'll eat you up and waste your life. I hope you find the strength and courage to leave now, it's not going to be easy but certainly worth it. Take good care of you and congratulations. You will no doubt meet your baby and things will get easier, they will be your everything and time will heal. Xx

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