lost and confused

[Noddy12]

Hello my gf is 14weeks pregnant and hates me i have had to move back to my parents and i have actually done nothing at all wrong.
we were happy and living together for 8 months then we found out she was 3 weeks pregnant after the shock of it we were happy about it and making plan's for the spare room and even how we wanted to bring up our child. We had a holiday booked for what would of been 9 weeks first few days were great then she went distant and seemed not her self i had a google and seen that it was common in pregnancy so gave her a bit of space then she told me that she felt she didn't love me any more to be honest it killed me inside but i didn't know what to say or do so i put on a brave face and said everything will be ok and we just carried on as we were. She was on her phone all the time when we were at the apartment she was texting her mum she hardly uses her phone hates that people are glued to them.
Once we returned from holiday she asked me to stay in the spare room while i find somewhere to live she then pretty much tore me to pieces from my job to even saying i sounded thick while talking to people on holiday its hard to take when the person you love makes you feel like shit on her shoe.
Roll to the next day i am asked if i had found out if my old flat was still free just over 24 hours from her saying i could stay in the spare room (i was hoping that while been in the house her hormones would subside and she would love me again) now she wants me out i packed and came to my parents house that night we were talking every day and i was popping to the house to clean the cat litter and while there i had a quick clean up then left before she was home and things seemed ok.
Then she asked if i would mind not going to the 12 week scan as she wanted her mum there and that hurt as the scans are all i had to look forward to she had a miscarriage few years before and said she was scared that if anything was wrong i would KICK OFF i'm not the type to kick off i have no idea where she had that idea from but in the end we talked and she said i could come and wanted me there.
so few days later she asked if we could talk so i went over and she was asking questions about the future and asking me not to make things hard if she wanted to live aboard i couldn't answer most of them as one they were hypothetical situations and two they didn't include me and i couldnt/didnt want answer as i dont want to think about been apart from her let alone her been with someone else.Then that weekend she had a melt down and started crying at anything and getting anxiety to the point she couldn't face going shopping so i went and helped calm her down and took her shopping and watched a few films i even got a message from her mum saying thanks for been there for her you are very kind and thoughtful.
waking up on the day of the scan i woke with a cold and a blocked ear and an eye that would not stop weeping but i was not missing that scan i set off for the 12 week scan and end up sitting in traffic due to a car crash that was so stressful then to find it hard to park i was stressed but made it bang on time for the appointment i walked in to the waiting room to see her smiling then i was greeted with every thing is fine baby is ok at first i thought she was joking but she repeated it now i'm a strong person mentally but hearing those words made my whole body feel like it was 10 ton i wanted to scream i wanted to cry i wanted to hug someone i was a mess so i walked out to cool down outside when i had gathered myself as best as i could i went back in to be asked to apologize to her for my reaction. so i was to apologize for her going in to the scan early i asked if she said her partner is on his way can i wait all she said was your not my partner the scan photo shows she was in there over 10 minutes earlier than the time i was told i got my photo and left while driving back to my parents house i had a full melt down i could not stop shaking crying my head was doing 200mph 3 days later was when i could move the tissues from my side i have never felt so low and really dont want go there again.
The scan was the last time i seen her now two weeks have past and i am moving all my things out the house this weekend on her request i sent some flowers over on her birthday and i got a text saying please leave me alone. i really dont know what to do i feel useless as i was looking forward to bring up our child together and i hate the thought of been a weekend dad.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I think you need to make it clear you will be there for the baby but step away from her. That was so spiteful of her, you will need to protect your self from further pain as she has made it very clear she doesn't want a relationship with you. Could you talk to her mum and reiterate you will be a responsible father, she might be able to help with communication between you and her daughter in the future, plus she might be able to shed some light on the situation for you.

AS hard as it may be she does not want a relationship with you so you need to accept and respect that. When baby is born continue to accept and respect that. Get a lawyer and get a court order for contact. No court is going to stop you seeing your child unless there’s a good reason. Only you know whether there is or not.

So sorry your having a tough time this sounds like a lot.

I obviously don’t know the dynamics of your relationship when you were together so I’m just going to suggest some things please don’t take them personally/be offended I obviously don’t know you so these are only guesses. So here are my thoughts on reasons she may feel/act this way maybe one will stand out or maybe none.

1. having suffered a miscarriage previously she is undoubtedly finding this pregnancy extremely stressful and obviously add on all the usual hormones and body changes, tiredness etc. This could have prompted her to go into protection mode and as a result all she wants to think of is herself and the pregnancy/baby therefore pushing you out.

2. Please forgive this but perhaps your controlling/abusive emotionally or otherwise (you may not even realise this) or perhaps your simply hard work who knows, and finding out she is pregnant has prompted her to take action and finally end the relationship. For a woman once your pregnant it stops being just your life with only yourself to consider and you start doing things for the sake of your baby long before it’s born.

3. The relationship just wasn’t working from her standpoint, she may have already been considering ending it for a while. Finding out she’s pregnant she’s decided that it was best to end things now before the child ends up being affected by a separation at a later date.

4. could be the start of ante natal/pregnancy depression, not unusual for someone who has suffered losses related to pregnancy previously.

Sorry if any of these have upset you and in the grand scheme of things the reasons why she is doing what she is doing doesn’t matter because you can’t change it, all you can do is choose how you respond to it.

My advice: give her the space she is requesting, be supportive in regards to the pregnancy and let her know that you are there to help if she wants or needs it. Do not impose yourself on her, all this is likely to do is result in her pushing you further away and cause stress for her and in turn for the baby. Keep talk and conversation to the pregnancy only, don’t try to discuss your relationship unless SHE brings it up and she wants to talk about it. For now I think you need to consider your relationship at and end and switch your focus to becoming a parent. For now all there is to do is be supportive in relation to the pregnancy and if you can manage to do this and keep things civil and kind and as stress free as possible you stand a much better chance at having a good co parenting relationship for the future.

So sorry you are going through this, it must be hard It might just be her hormones! I couldn’t stand my boyfriend when I was pregnant and shamefully said and did similar things. Once the baby arrived and I watched him with the baby and all the support he gave me it made us so much closer. Her mindset might change once your baby is here just try to give her space as much as it must hurt and I’m sure she’ll come round.