Pregnancy is hard

[emmythemummy]

Hi everyone,

Im 10 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'm 24 years old and was supposed to be getting married next year, but then we found out about the baby and that's gone out the window...just for financial reasons.

My partner is fab, he has been really looking after me. Took him a while, but after a few tears expressing how hard I found even standing in the kitchen, he cooks, cleans and brings me anything I want...so I'm so so lucky in that sense.

But woweeee everyone talks about labour and how scary and hard it is..but no one really prepares you ever for day to day pregnancy.
I've hated 90% of being pregnant. The only exception being just knowing I'm making a life of course, and now at 10 weeks I can see the pants getting tight and a very small round belly, I'm starting to feel love.

But the nausea, the dry heaving, the smells, the tiredness, the heartburn, the gas, the short temper, the tearfulness, the anxiety, the taste aversions.....my god! How do women get through this? I still have 30 weeks and I just keep thinking, how am I going to get through this. Like seriously?
And the guilt, the guilt of just moaning and complaining about pregnancy, and feeling useless to my partner.
I have no sex drive either. I keep stressing that he'll think I'm fat and ugly pregnant..loose interest, not find me sexy anymore and go elsewhere. I have diagnosed anxiety so I do tend to over think.
I'm half expecting replies saying my god pull yourself together you pathetic thing, but I just need to talk to someone who I can relate to me. I need a big virtual cuddle because I'm finding it so hard.

Lastly, I'm the first in my friendship group to have a baby. I was the first to get a long term boyfriend, a house, engaged and so I've always felt a little bit set apart. Most of them have just graduated and love going out to party....so understandably they just can't relate to me and probably just think I'm a whinge.

Just a little bit of love and support from any kind stranger will be amazing x

Totally get it.. I'm 8 weeks with my first and also the first in my friendship group. I'm constantly nauseous and tired. DH has been great, but I am massively feeling sorry for myself.

Keeping everything crossed for a pleasant second trimester for both of us.. it will be worth it

Sending you a hug!

The first trimester is the absolute worst! It will get easier when you're in the second trimester but each stage will have its own difficulties.
Get as much rest and support as you can and try to distract yourself.

Once you start feeling kicks, it's amazing :)

I hated my first pregnancy and am now 25+5 with dc2 and am finding it much better but hard in different ways. Being pregnant whilst running round after a toddler is pretty exhausting 🙈

I hope it all eases up for you very soon xx

Sorry you are finding it hard.
I’m 19 weeks and its been easy so far! Minor sickness, which is just slightly annoying and some heartburn. But other than that, all is good! I’m also old (41) so it’s surprised me that its been ok.
Obviously that could change at any point but so far I’m enjoying it.
It’s a different journey for everyone though.

@emmythemummy 24 weeks with baby number 1 here and I can tell you it gets better (from up to my point anyways)..
I'm so glad I'm not as tired as I was in the first trimester anymore! Only thing I have now is some back ache but I used to have that sickness feeling all the time, tired, cramps and just all over crap feeling. Crying at every little thing too! 😂

Oh bless you, the first trimester can be so hard. I was sick throughout, right up to labour, which was really hard. The crazy-making hormones pass though. I remember DH finding me crying in the kitchen over w bag of frozen peas..... it’s normal. Lots of people will understand once they know your pregnant. People don’t warn you about pregnancy because everyone feels they have to be really positive and not complain.

Your DH May be finding it hard to understand. Men tend to know less about pregnancy. Antenatal groups can be great for them

I’m 12+2 and still feeling nauseous and extremely tired. I was absolutely fine until I was 9 weeks bang on, since then I haven’t had a whole day of feeling normal. Hoping it will soon pass and loved reading these to make me feel less alone!

I am on my first pregnancy and 10+4 days in. I am absolutely hating being pregnant at the moment, and suffer anxiety. Like you, hubby is fantastic and waiting on me hand and foot, but I'm so sick of feeling like crap!
I literally want this pregnancy to be done and have the baby here now!
I am feeling a little bit better than I did a few weeks ago, but 4-9pm is the worst time for me. To the point, I have severe panic attacks if I don't try and eat quick enough in between the small amounts I can eat! It's so tricky and feel very alone with it! Would love to chat and not feel so alone!

You dont have to read this....im venting hoping it will be cathartic.
I'm having a miserable time the past two days. I'm 14 weeks and whatever is causing my back and leg pain (after 2 GPs and 1 chiropractor no one can say what the issue is...next call in pregnancy physio and i will put money on that she just gives me the same excercises everyone else has....obviously not working), which ive had for 7 weeks I feel like I'm at breaking point. I am crying with frustration every 30 minutes, which makes me feel guilty because "the baby will feel stressed", taking paracetamol every 4 hours which make me feel guilty because i have no idea of the risks, getting angry with my jesus christing printer (thats decided this is a good time to stop working) soooooo angry. Ive thrown my crocs at it...so now I feel guilty "because the baby will feel angry". Meanwhile the return to work is making me so on edge because i dont think I can do it with this back! As well as being a teacher I run my own business and the deadlines are just piling up...hense the printer anger

@Doop why not get yourself signed off work. I'm a teacher and have had to sign myself off because I am unable to complete my job at the moment to the standards I would expect of myself.
It's hard and I can't offer much advice as you seem to be doing everything right. Unfortunately its just not working for you at the moment which isn't good! I'm hoping it eases off for you soon! Have the doctors said how long they expect it to last?

@LKH27 it seems to depend on what they think it is at the time. Some have said it can't last the whole pregnancy (which I know it could!) To some saying it'll only get worse as I get bigger.

Im considering being signed off, at least that way my poor, put on colleagues will know where they stand, instead of me just having time off, then office days here and there. It's the end of year deadlines that scare me....maybe i could work from home and just mark files and write reports? I will enquire.
My other worry is knowing that if I'm less active the baby will grow bigger, and that is a concern for all sorts of reasons.
I have an anxiety disorder and intrusive thoughts OCD and i seriously thought that would be my main hurdle throughout... not my back!

@Doop I also have anxiety and knew I wouldn't be able to do my job and wouldn't be fair on my colleagues so got signed off. I feel guilty for it, but better at the same time. I have asked for some work to do at times, just to keep me in the loop. Perhaps that would be the best option for you also. And like you said, you could always do some work from home if you are up for it at the time.
Hang in there, take it one day at a time and tackle one problem at a time. You might find that being signed off eases the anxiety and maybe helps your back in one way or another...I know I have a bad shoulder and since being signed off, it has improved dramatically. I tense too much at work; perhaps you are doing this without knowing and making your back slightly worse?

@LKH27 perhaps! I'll see what she says on Thursday. I'm pretty tense so it wouldn't surprise me x thank you for you support x

@Doop - how did you get on? What did they say?

@LKH27 im just so disappointed. She said i have pgp which just worries me so much because i dont think it goes away...sometimes not even after birth and I can not imagine doing this with a baby.
I am taking 8 paracetamol a day and that just terrifies me, but I can't function without them. She gave me the same excercises everyone else has that arent working.
She said nothing about signing off work. Even though I said I am useless there and i have random days off that are not fair on my colleagues. I said they'd be better off getting agency staff in to cover. But she told me to get an exercise ball to sit on instead of my chair! And said to wiggle my hip while I was teaching. I almost cried. I'll try the chiro again.
I really wanted to start to enjoy this now im not such a ball of anxiety and i feel really sad about it. And scared I'm damaging the baby with all the paracetamol.

@Doop Why not phone the doctors up and ask for a sick note to be written as you are unable to work? When I went to the drs, I said I don't know how I am going to work like this. She asked what I did and she said I could get signed off. We then got chatting about other things. Before I left, I asked about the sick note and she said she will write one. I think it's more a case of sometimes you have to request it rather than them telling you to get one.
8 paracetamol is a lot. I'm guessing there isn't anything stronger that is safe to take that you could take less of? Again, ask the dr about the amount of paracetamol to ease your mind about that.
I'd say those are the first steps to take. Get signed off and paracetamol. Take it a day at a time.
I'm supposed to go back to work next week (as they messed up the dates so it's earlier than expected). My anxiety is already so high about it that I don't know what to do. I can't imagine being back at work yet. I'm too scared.

I think it's so important for women struggling with pregnancy to know they're not alone!

My nausea and vomiting started at 4.5 weeks, the night before my wedding. It developed into full blown HG and I ended up being signed off work for 10 weeks when we got home from honeymoon. It was absolutely horrific and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I used to throw up as soon as the fridge opened, when I walked into our bedroom, when I smelt freshly washed clothes (which my mum and MIL had to do). I had some really dark, horrible thoughts during those weeks and didn't leave the house unless it was for doctor/hospital appointments. It got better at 18 weeks, since then I'm only being sick 2/3 times a day, I'm 32 weeks now. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes 4 weeks ago and need to inject insulin at bed time. Add to that the tiredness, back and hip pain and throw in anxiety and a trip to EOU with suspected pre-eclampsia the other night (now need weekly BP checks) and I can't wait for this to be over. I'm so so grateful to be pregnant, I know so many women who would love to be in my position but it's the hardest thing I've ever done. DH and I have agreed this will be our only child, it's taken such a toll physically and mentally and I couldn't do it again.

For those struggling with sickness, please go and see your doctor if you think you need to, there is medication they can give you!

I'm getting through it by taking it one day at time, one day closer to meeting your baby and it all being over. I see every week as a massive milestone. Keep talking to your partner's, they need to know how you're feeling and what's going on, sharing will help! My husband couldn't be any more supportive, I wouldn't have got this far without him and our families. If people offer to help with washing, cleaning, making meals etc accept their help, it's not a sign of weakness, it's sensible and anything that lightens your load will help you both physically and mentally.

@WeeBean I feeeeeeel for you xxxxx bloomin heck. The only think im struggling with is back and pelvis being severely painful. I dont know how you're coping! Because im not!

@WeeBean I feel you! It's incredibly tough. I haven't had HG but got emetophobia and high anxiety and been signed off work for about 5 weeks so far. I'm meant to be going back next week, although not sure about how I feel. I'm already thinking about how to make my life easier there, but not sure if they will be able to do everything I am after.
I had some horrible thoughts going through the nausea. It started at 4 weeks. I'm 11 weeks today and it's beginning to ease a little, but there are still times I just sit and cry because I don't want to do it.
I have said to my partner that I couldn't do this again, and this will be the only child otherwise we adopt. He knows my thoughts and understands, although not sure how he feels about it. He just wants me to be happy and is doing anything he can to help and support.

Like you, I'm taking it one day at a time, knowing it is one day closer.
We have to all stick together and help each other through it all, as this is blinking difficult!

@Doop, dealing with it a lot better now than I was. Don't minimise your suffering, back and pelvis pain are horrible! I've been in tears because of it. I would go back and ask to be signed off it I were you, if your doctor is awkward maybe ask to see someone else? This is about what's best for you and your baby and if you feel you need time off then that's what's best.

@LKH27 if you don't feel ready to go back to work, don't go. I've found too much activity makes my nausea worse and work probably won't help you. You don't get any medals for battling on through and may make things worse for yourself. I hated being off work and felt I was letting everyone down but at the end of day if you aren't well enough there's nothing anyone can do.

Keep talking on here too, are you both on threads for your due months? The ladies in my June group are so helpful, I've got a lot of support from them.

I remember at 11 weeks thinking I'd never get this far, I was so envious of women who were 30+ weeks, it was just so dark but you will get there. It's like a mountain you have to climb. Mentally, getting to 14 weeks for 2nd trimester, 20 weeks for the scan, then 24 weeks for viability, then 27/28 weeks for 3rd trimester meant so much to me and really helped. Once I got to 24 weeks I felt like I was near the top of the mountain and now heading back down and it all feels a bit easier despite the GD etc because the end is in sight.

You will get there! Don't forget also that you can speak to mental health people at the hospital if you feel you need to. The maternity unit at my hospital runs a session every week I think.