Feeling distant

[Babycakes1989]

Whenever I have tried talking to people about this, I either get ‘stay positive’ or a change of subject. I just would love to hear from ladies who have or do feel the same so comments would be much appreciated ❤️

I am 17 weeks pregnant and I’m not really feeling connected or excited at all - I just feel anxious and sad like it’s all too good to be true. It probably all stems from having a mmc last year - it has completely excuse the language sh*t stained my experience of pregnancy. I don’t have a noticeable bump yet and I’ve so far had no niggles which is contributing to my feelings of am I even pregnant anymore despite hearing a heartbeat at 16 weeks. I’ve even told myself that the midwife more than likely picked up my heartbeat rather than baby’s. It’s so hard and worse because everyone’s really excited for me like they would be but I’m not even excited for myself 😢 don’t get me wrong I am so grateful to be pregnant and want to be a mum more than anything. During the 5 months we tried after the miscarriage it was the longest 5 months of my life & I now have so much respect and understanding for couples that have fertility problems and try for years or have multiple miscarriages it’s just not fair.

My 20 week scan is in 2 weeks and I’m praying all is well and we are going to find out the sex of the baby. Maybe this will help me bond and make it feel more real?

Does anyone else feel the same x

Totally. We were trying for a long time and I think I'd given up on it ever actually happening when I found out I was pregnant. I'm nearly 22 weeks and still don't feel much about it - despite the scans, despite the (gentle) kicks, even when hearing the heartbeat this morning. I think I just don't believe it's real and can't equate feeling like this to there actually being a baby in 4 months time. I've spoken to both my midwife and a psychiatrist about it and they've said it's totally normal if that reassures you at all. I don't think I'll really feel anything much about it until I've actually had the baby.

I could have written this exact post myself OP! I am 24 weeks pregnant and also had a mmc last year. I really didn't "relax" or feel very excited until we had the all clear at our 20 week scan.

I still sometimes now think it's all too good to be true, but the past week or so I've been feeling some real movements and kicks which has really helped. I've told myself to enjoy it as much as possible as the weeks are flying by and I know I'll end up regretting it if I can't look back at this experience as a happy time!

Congratulations and I hope you start to feel excited soon

I feel the exact same, OP, except I'm 19 weeks. I'm a single mom, but i feel so disconnected from this pregnancy as if it's not really happening to me...
It's definitely super hard, but you're not alone!

Thank you all so much! To hear that I’m not alone is such a relief! As much as I don’t wish sadness on you all too and feel for you all that your going through or have done the same. Before having a baby you are made to believe it’s all rainbows and unicorns - but it’s not - it’s mentally exhausting alongside all the other things ❤️ We can do this xxx

Also when I had my first appointment I mentioned to the midwife about anxiety after miscarriage and I was brushed off a bit. She said yeah we all get sad sometimes I think that’s the way society is now - it’s made bigger than what it is when it’s normal! So I kind of don’t feel I can go to my midwife In confidence to kind of say hey I’m struggling a bit! Xx

I am exactly the same!

I'm 16 weeks and had a miscarriage in August. Like you said, the time between felt like an eternity.

Now, I am either just constantly worried or I think the worst.

Similarly, I'm hoping once the 20 week scan is done, I too will feel more connected.

I'm now 26 weeks after a MMC last year and could have written this post too - I would say that I didn't start connecting to the baby until about 22 weeks, now her movements/kicks are unmistakeable and I've had my midwife appointment where she checked my fundal height and said 'there's definitely a baby in there because I've just felt her' - I still have moments where I convince myself her movements are wind or I'm imagining them but it's very hard to ignore or mistake kicks which lift your arm up! Just get through however you can and I'm sure it will come eventually, even if it is fleeting X

I have never miscarried and both my pregnancies were planned, but I still had the worry that it wasn't real and that I wouldn't be able to bond with the baby.
When my sister found out she was expecting a couple of months after I did, I was probably more excited for her than I was for myself..
But just wanted to let you know that even though I felt like this the whole way through pregnancy, it was a different story once ds entered the world, the 'bond' instantly came.

Lol when i had my booking appointment (7/8 weeks) i basically sobbed the whole time, and have at every appointment since.
I've only just got referred to PNMH and it's not until May.
It is so hard, i feel you.
I feel like everyone around me is so much more excited than i am