Feeling underwhelmed by this pregnancy

[Piplette]

I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with number 2.

I cannot explain how completely underwhelmed I am by this pregnancy. Part of it is definately due to the horrid sickness/nausea and fatigue I've been suffering but it's not just that. I don't feel excited for this baby at all.

I did want a second child but it just didn't seemed to be happening (mc plus months and months with no success in conceiving). I had sort of passively given up on the idea of another baby and I think I'd made my peace with it so now that I am pregnant I'm like WTF were you thinking!

The thought of going back to nappies and bottles and sleepless nights fills me with dread. I'm no spring chicken either - I'll be a couple of months shy of 38 when this baby arrives and I'm already exhausted looking after DD (4), working full time, walking the dog etc - how the hell am I going to deal another.

I'm ashamed to admit that I have on occassion thought that if I miscarried it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world (this coming from someone who has had 3 previous miscarriages so I know the heartache of it). That said, I've had two private scans so far just to reassure me (due to previous mc's) so that must me I do care!

I just feel so meh about it all. I don't want to tell anyone, don't want to even consider buying baby things or thinking about names. I just want life to continue as it is (minus the sickness/nausea & fatigue). I finally had my life back again as DD is independant - I'm going to lose all that again!

Is this normal with a second baby when you have more of an idea of exactly what you are getting yourself into?

Amazingly DH seems pleased - I thought he'd be the one feeling like this not me!!

Please tell me I'm not a horrible person and that it will all be ok and I'll love my little bean in the end!!

Hi @piplette, I am only just pregnant with my first. I wanted to reach out and tell you you are not awful - you can't help how you feel and as silly as it sounds it might just be your hormones. You are not a horrible person at all - you sound like an amazing women who works full time and is a fab mum to a 4 year old. Pat yourself on the back - you got this and you're doing an amazing job!!

I feel very similar to you. I too paid for a private scan, I cried tears of joy at the scan and the very next day I was back to feeling like I was before.

With my second pregnancy I was very excited and looking forward to the future and could see myself with my toddler and a newborn. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I got pregnant again the first cycle after the miscarriage with this baby. It makes me think that maybe it's not so much the prospect of having a second child, but the aftermath of dealing with loss.

I am feeling similar, I got pregnant right after mc so think part of it is I don't really believe this is going to end with an addition to our family. I'm also going through all the things that need to change in my life and can't see all the positives I could see before getting pregnant. I think maybe its me detaching myself so I don't end up with the heartache again. I can't tell you it will all be OK but I can tell you are not alone in your feelings.

Aw I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think subconsciously you might be too nervous/jaded by your previous losses to get excited for this pregnancy. Hopefully as months go by and things become more real you will feel more excited. Xoxo

I expect it’s just your hormones. It’s clearly something you want, as you were actively trying for it. You’re just feeling depleted and low energy, and it’s making you depressed. I hope you manage to shake it off and the rest of your pregnancy is more positive. Once your baby is here, you’ll never be able to imagine the thought of not having him/her as part of your family

Maybe you're not wanting to get attached because of the previous 3 miscarriages? This sounds like hormones and depression to me.

I’m in a similar position, although I’m 35 weeks with #4.
Been feeling very nonchalant the whole way through.
I had a mmc in April last year and Everything I’ve been feeling, or not feeling, I believe is a self defence mechanism, because I still can’t quite believe that I’m going to get to hold this baby and I’m trying to lessen the amount of hurt when it all ‘goes wrong’

Whether or not it’s usual to feel this way, I think it’s worth speaking to your midwife about how you’re feeling. You might need a referral to the perinatal mental health team

Thanks all. I do think there is an element of self preservation plus feeling low because of sickness.

Tempted to find out what we are having to hopefully make me feel more connected to baby.