Tell me this isn't happening...

[PleaseNotThisAgain]

Had my first baby a few months ago. Went into spontaneous labour over 3 months early and sadly lost my beautiful angel a short while later.

Local sexual health clinic is a nightmare to get an appointment for but finally have one in a few weeks to discuss my options. Can't take pill due to IBS, uterus is unsuitable for coil and want to TTC again probably within the next year but have been told to wait 6 months so uterus recovers fully as I'm now at a higher risk of premature birth.

Now I've got myself all worked up that I might be pregnant again. My period is pretty irregular, normally between 27-45 days, today is CD32 so should have been due this weekend. Pretty sure I ovulated 2 weekends ago (egg white cervical mucus, horny, skin started clearing up), not showing any of these symptoms now. Not really showing any signs of my period or being pregnant either.

Got it into my head that it would be a good idea to wee on a stick but don't have any pregnancy tests in, only ovulation tests. And Sod's law it's a Sunday night and I can't find anywhere open selling pregnancy tests anyway. Had a faint test line yesterday night before bed and used FMU today and got a much stronger line but not as dark as the control on the ovulation test.

Please tell me I'm being stupid. There's no way I'm pregnant right? We've not DTD very regularly, probably once or twice a week using condoms but we were also using condoms when I conceived the first time. Obviously I'd be over the moon to be pregnant but I can't lose another baby. Typically DH is on a late shift so I'm sat on my tod checking my knickers for blood every 5 minutes

I'm sorry to hear about your little one, it must be very hard to deal with this while it's still so raw.

Don't keep on using ovulation tests, they're not reliable as pregnancy tests. And bear in mind your body will still be all over the shop with hormones, so not regular. Can your DP call into a pharmacy on the way home from work? If not, it's Monday in a few hours- pee in a pot when you get up and save that FMU while you nip to Asda or boots for FRER.

I hope you get the result you want. But try not to stress- it's not going to do you or any one else any good, and you can't find out tonight anyway. You'll know more by this time tomorrow.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss @PleaseNotThisAgain. I understand what you'v ebeen through - my twins were also born early in January this year and we lost them both.

I'd say try and calm down overnight until you can buy a pregnancy test tomorrow. I recommend the pink strip ones over the blue strips so no need to spend lots of money on Clearblue Digitasl etc, unless you want to of course.

Llet me know how you get on please. Losing one baby doesn't automatically mean you'll lose another. Sending hugs!

Thank you both for your kind responses, and I'm also so sorry to hear you've been through the same Squiff.

Unfortunately the only place open on the way home is a garage so no use and then DH is back out to his other job before the shops open in the morning. It should just be him in the office in the morning so I can go with and stage a sit in until Asda opens.

No idea how I'll bloody cope if it's positive. I'm still on maternity leave, and I ended up being off sick for most of my last pregnancy with awful morning sickness and then being unable to stand due to pelvic girdle pain.

So sorry for the loss of your baby.

Have they given you a reason why you went into spontaneous labour so early?

I have a bicornuate uterus so my first was born at 24 weeks due to spontaneous labour, with my second I was monitored really closely and she was delivered by section due to IUGR at 31 weeks. I found out I was pregnant again when she was a few months old when I was waiting to be sterilised. We considered termination because I'm so scared of what will happen as I'm even higher risk this time with having a c section so recently but we couldn't go through with it. I'm really anxious about it all.

If you are pregnant (congratulations if you are!) you should get booked in with the midwife asap so you can see the consultant and get a plan in place as soon as possible. I faffed about for ages and haven't got a consultant appointment till over 16 weeks, whereas I was already having extra scans at that point with my second. It's still going to be a scary experience for you but getting a consultant you trust and a good plan in place it should calm your nerves slightly. Good luck, let us know how you get on.

Absolutely no reason at all found. Both of us were perfectly healthy. My waters started leaking at 24 weeks, I had a little gush and soaked the sheets and was kept in for observation but when they scanned my waters were a good level and there was no further leaking. I was 3-4cm at that point. They suggested hindwaters had gone but I could tell some of the Drs I spoke to didn't believe me. Apparently I had an irritable uterus, lots of Braxton Hicks but they refused to monitor me for contractions so ended up sending me home. Obviously I had to go back in when I realised I was fobbed off and was about to give birth! Sadly baby caught developed an infection and was just born too little to fight it off.

Sat in DHs office now waiting for Asda to open at 8am with my jar of FMU.

Absolutely petrified of having another, I don't know what went wrong the first time so I feel like there's nothing I can actively do to prevent going into early labour next time.

I absolutely understand that, everyone will just tell you every pregnancy is different so you never know but that doesn't really stop any of the worry.

If it helps even slightly, with my 24 weeker I went to hospital with pains and bleeding and was sent home. Was admitted the next day with the same, they said it was nothing but would admit me for one night because I kept coming back. They refused to monitor and ignored me all night repeatedly going to the nurses station until they finally sent for a doctor and I was in labour and 8cm dilated. I was traumatised by the whole thing.

So obviously with my second I was in one way thrilled on the other hand terrified. It was so different, I was given progesterone pessaries, I had fortnightly scans and they listened to every concern and niggle I had. They did absolutely everything they possibly could. There is absolutely no way you would be fobbed off again. You will have absolutely everything possible to try and ensure everything goes well. You could (if you feel ready) ask to speak with someone to go through your notes and find out exactly what went wrong and at the very least put in a complaint with PALS because you quite obviously didn't get the care you should have. My son was 8 when I got pregnant with my second and I still don't think I'd really processed what happened, so if you are pregnant again so soon after they will certainly be doing everything to help you physically and mentally.

Pretty sure that's a negative. Couldn't get hold of a FRER. Wish I could say I'm relieved but I got so many negatives with my first and I knew for probably about 10 days before I got my BFP.

Got another test so I guess I just sit tight and either AF comes or I test again in a couple of days.

That sounds so spookily like my experience Juniper. Nobody paid any attention until my husband kicked up a fuss and I was already 8cm Really don't feel like I want to put in a PALS complaint. I know I probably have grounds to but for all the extra heartache it would put us through it just isn't worth it.

I know rationally the second time round will be different and I know what to watch out for and can kick up a fuss but I'm struggling to really believe it. Have an appointment to go over notes re: baby's death but apart from that haven't seen anybody.

Definitely looks negative, hopefully AF will be along and you can wait until you feel ready before you get pregnant again.

You don't have to go through everything just yet anyway. It's going to be fresh and raw for a long time and I can't even imagine what you're both going through. There may come a time though where you feel in a better position to gather more answers and put in a complaint, there is no rush, you just need to concentrate on yourself right now. I can't pretend to understand how you feel because I don't know, I can completely relate to the feeling of being let down and not listened to though and it is really damaging. Even all these years later I'm still piecing it together, when I had my 12 week scan with my second I balled my eyes out because I couldn't even cope with being in that hospital again, but after how well they taken care of me it made me realise, it is possible and just how badly they'd fucked up the first time.

I hope you get all the help you deserve to try and process it even a tiny bit.

Still no AF and still negative tests but have now been smacked in the face with my first pregnancy symptom from last time round. Ate something and it just tasted so horribly bitter and foul and nothing like it usually does, to the point i triple checked it hadn't gone off but it was fine. Was about 5 days between that and a faint positive first time. Trying not to symptom spot for either outcome but that just smacked me in the face.

@JuniperNarni Spoken to the bereavement councillor and so much came flooding back that I was unhappy with which I had forgotten about that she took notes. I was between 2 hospitals with baby so she's going to incorporate some stuff into the mandatory training day for all staff in her unit and help me raise any concerns at the hospital where I gave birth when I'm ready. She was actually shocked at the standard of care and although none of it affected the final outcome the extra stress was unnecessary and completely avoidable. Her hospital run a special clinic for mums that have previously lost a baby or had a prem birth that I can opt to be cared for at so all the extra testing, preventive measures and support available make me feel slightly less terrified for next time.

How are you feeling @PleaseNotThisAgain, any sign of AF?

AF finally came a few days ago. Should be able to get the injection this Friday at my contraception appointment now. Massively relieved.

Just crossing my fingers now I'm allowed the injection because I'm not suitable for anything else and I can't go through the that whole ordeal every time I'm due a period.