2nd child panic

[Summersun8383]

Hi, so after almost a year of loooong conversations and should we shouldn't we, we finally decided to go for it and try for a second child. Just discovered this weekend that I'm pregnant which is great and I'm excited, but I'm just feeling so anxious about how things might change with my DS who is 4 in July. We are so close and I just can't imagine how he's going to take to another child in the family and it makes me sad to think he might lose that closeness we have now. Whenever we've mentioned babies to him previously he's been very much in the 'no chance' court!! Lol🤦🏻‍♀️ Did anyone else feel like this with their second and how did it turn out? Sorry if I sound ridiculous btw, thanks

I'm in the same place, dd is 4 in July and currently around 6 weeks with #2. She loves the idea of a baby brother or sister and has asked for one several times but I don't know what the reality will be like for her.

So, not there yet but we're planning on not letting the new baby affect her as much as possible, like carrying on with her routine of clubs/classes and play dates, making sure we both spend 1:1 time with her and letting her help with whatever she wants with baby so she doesn't feel left out.

I don't think you loose any closeness but may have less time dedicate solely to your first. Or that's what other parents of 2 or more tell me.

Hi OP.

I have a just turned 5yo DD and a 9mo DS. I completely understand how you feel! It was the only thing that really worried me during my pregnancy, and for a few weeks afterwards. I thought I'd ruined her life, no matter how excited she was, and that DS would end up being neglected because is still have to sort DD.

DD was in preschool when DS was born, and he was 1 week old when she finished for the Summer. I found that really hard... but then it slowly started to get better. She started school and that made it even easier! I still find it hard sometimes, when DD needs me and DS is in a clingy mood, but it's so much better than it was at the start.

It's difficult at first, especially depending on what sort of baby you get (DD was awful and didn't sleep until 18mo, DS has been okay so far but I'm dreading his toddler years), and how well they bond. I'm lucky that DD is quite grown up and likes looking after her brother as well.

But it's possible, honestly it is. And DD and I are still best friends, DH and I take it in turns at the weekend to have some alone time with her, which really helps.

Good luck, you'll be fine

Dd is 4 in August and I’m currently 33 weeks.

She has gone through loads of feelings since we told her..... not wanting another baby, only wanting a sister, angry about having a brother, excited, saying she’ll look after the baby and they won’t need Mummy & daddy, wanting to share her toys, not wanting to share.....

I think it’s a lot for them to process and they can’t really imagine how it will be. I think just let them explore their feelings and support them while being realistic.... not much else we can do really.

You wont lose the closeness. Relationships are all different. You'll have a different closeness with 2. congratulations!

Thank you everyone for your comments. I'm sure he'll be fine, I do keep thinking people do this all the time don't they and it all works out! I'm just a worrier.
We're going to tell him this weekend and make sure he's super involved in the whole process!
@codenameduchess we're pretty much the same then as I think we're probably about 4 weeks so would be great to keep up with how you're doing (and your DD)
Apart from this worry I am super excited and can't quite believe it's happening all over again

@Summersun8383 we're not telling dd for a while, I can't handle the questioning of when the baby getting here and she'll definitely tell everyone immediately (I'm not ready for the world to know, we didn't 'announce' until 20 weeks with dd) 😂 I'm sure she'll be really excited and hoping we can take her to a private gender scan at 16 or 17 weeks so she can see her brother or sister.

I hope you'll come back and update us on your ds's reaction when you tell him!

@codenameduchess we weren't planning on telling him this early to be honest but we have a big family do on Sunday and if I don't have a glass of wine in my hand they know me too well haha so think it'll be game over then anyway haha! We'll not be going 'public' though until 12 weeks like last time. Yes absolutely we'll have to keep each other posted

@Summersun8383 did you tell your ds? How did it go?

@codenameduchess hi yes we told him and it was better than I expected to be honest. He kept saying 'there's a baby in there?!' and asking if it was a boy or a girl then went 'I'd like the boy one' haha! Then he went and got his Spider-Man and said Mummy I'm going to share this with my brother bless him! Keep having to say we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet though, don't want him to get his hopes up for a boy just in case but all in all more positive than I'd hoped and has made me feel much better about the whole thing too. I'm sure he doesn't fully understand but it's a good start xx

That's great @Summersun8383 ! How sweet he's planning to share his toys 😍

Aw I know @codenameduchess thought it was so cute bless him! See how long that lasts when baby arrives lol