Feeling very unattractive- AIBU?

[greystar30]

I'm currently almost 6 months pregnant, feeling a bit low with it all and very much lacking self esteem. Two years ago I lost 4 stone and was feeling amazing up until I got pregnant and piled some of the weight back on. I now feel very unattractive and am very unhappy with my body but lacking any enthusiasm and energy to do anything about it.
Since finding out I was pregnant, we've only had sex twice. When we first got together, DP's sex drive was very high and I felt like he couldn't keep his hands off me, now I feel like he's disgusted at the thought of it. He says it's because he's scared of hurting the baby, I've told him he can't and showed him articles to back this up but he just doesn't seem interested and laughs it off when I suggest it.
It's really making me feel even more unattractive and introverted, AIBU and focussing too much on it?

I totally understand how you feel. I’ve felt unattractive since I started to put on the weight. It’s very hard for some of us to see our bodies change without our control especially when you’ve worked hard to get in shape in the past. When you don’t look how you want to it can really knock your confidence.

With regards to your partner, I would say you need to separate how you feel about yourself from sex. I’m the one who doesn’t want sex while pregnant in my relationship and I can assure you I think my husband is hot as hell. I just can’t separate my body the baby vessel from my body the thing my husband wants to have sex with so the idea just leaves me cold. I’m sure your partner still thinks your attractive but maybe he’s having trouble separating the idea of your body as carrying his baby from any desire to be sexual?
It’s important to find a way for you to feel good about yourself without relying on your partner to validate it. I’ve found pampering helped a bit (as I don’t feel like exercise mich), getting my hair done and also focusing on what my body is doing for baby rather than what it currently looks like. Hope that helps a bit. Xx

Thank you @Maddis136 it actually really helps to know I'm not alone feeling like this! I'm getting my hair done tomorrow so hopefully that will make me feel a bit better about myself xx

My DH and I didn't have sex once while I was pregnant. I was too sick at the beginning and by the time I felt better he felt weird knowing the baby was there

We're fine now and still attracted to each other

I spent 4 months feeling like a total blob. But I made sure I had beautiful nails & beautiful feet, and since ds was August-born, the most glamorous sun hat

@polkadotpixie oh that's a relief to know. I think I'm just feeling extra paranoid and hormonal!

@Seniorschoolmum a blob is exactly how I feel right now 😂

I feel the same, although DH wants it constantly and I just don't. I feel weird, my bump sticks out, my linea nigra makes me look sewn together, my boobs don't hang nicely, I have terrible amounts of cellulite and DH doesnt really do fancy lingerie so that's not an option. What is compensating for feeling unattractive is buying shit load of yankee candles and nice bath things, face masks etc and just enjoying relaxing!
But still.. pregnancy glow where are you at?!

Haha @MissPollyHadADolly19 I've come to the conclusion that the glow is a myth!!

It has to be!! Sure it's some urban legend, similar to morning sickness only occuring in the morning
Try not to worry though OP, it's all completely normal (I think) I'm looking forward to the challenge after giving birth to get back into shape and seeing the transformation again wishful thinking I'll still be a lump in a years time

I'm only 15 weeks and I feel like that, I've only gained 4lb but I look much bigger and a few people have commented, sex life with DH has plummeted because I have no energy and feel so gross

Going through the exact same. I am 20 weeks and our usual 3-4 times a week has dwindled to 1.

I try and make an effort and put make up on, wear nice clothes for when he gets home but I feel more like his mate now than his wife.

I tried to initiate the other night and he said it felt weird to him as I was pregnant and showing now. Told him I am only going to get bigger and am not going the rest of this pregnancy without nookie. 😂

As cheesy as it sounds it's one way we really connect with eachother and I feel like that's lost now.

My skin looks so washed out and I look constantly tired but I did buy some maternity jeans this week so I can actually wear something other than leggings for a change.

Hoping we start to feel better soon!

He has always made jokes about other women on TV or whatever, and we could be chatting just whilst TV is on but as soon as a vaguley pretty girl comes on he can't help but stop talking and look. That pisses me off to no end. Also when you catch them looking at a woman as they're driving.

I always clock it and say "you alright? WAnt to stop and get her number?" I know I make a joke of it to make light of it and have tried to tell him how shit it makes me feel but he can't help himself.

Last night I wanted to show him something on YouTube and the first thing he said was "is she fit?"

I just got up and walked away. Once I had calmed down I told him it had to stop, I feel shit about myself enough as it is without now feeling like I have to compete with sticks for his attention. He laughed (nervous laughter I think) and I toldd him to grow up and show some respect and went and slept in the spare room .

Sorry for the long post. Just needed to get it off my chest.

@MissPollyHadADolly19 haha I am also looking forward to the transformation afterwards but wondering if that's just wishful thinking 😂😂

@Mondayblues7 @melissa1215 god it's rubbish isn't it. I just don't think they understand. The worst part is it's gonna get worse before it gets better isn't it!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm going to take the advice above and keep myself pampered instead to make me feel better until I can get back in shape!

Morning greystar, honestly think most pregnant women feel like this at some point. I remember 6months being the worst for me as I just looked FAT rather than prettily pregnant like some.

To be honest I just ensured to continue keeping my nails nice, hair cut and chucking make up on particularly bad days. It does get better once you’re bigger as you’re very obviously pregnant rather than feeling heavier. I also used to check what weight they recommended to put on in pregnancy which helped mentally. I also walked as much as I was able to so I still felt fit, which helped as I was able to stay really mobile until 39-40 weeks.

My husband was also freaked out by the sex side of pregnancy once it clicked I had a baby inside me, and refused. But he was good at constant reassurance, foot rubs etc so try talking about it with him and get cuddles.

Good luck

I'm feeling the same at the minute, in the last month it's very hard to have sex with a huge bump in the way! Then when we don't I think dh is not attracted to me anymore and feel low, but really I know that's not the reason.
Tbh I agree with the self pampering, it does make me feel better about myself, I put on a bit of make up every day, try and keep my hair neat and tidy and get my hair and nails done once a month. It honestly does make me feel better about myself.

@Elizabeth2019 that's exactly how I feel I look, just fat rather than pregnant! But yes hopefully as the bump gets bigger I feel better. Off to get my hair done today so I'm going to put a full face of make up on with some bright lippy to cheer me up 😊

@Cantthinkofausername1990 pampering definitely sounds like the way forward!

Thank you all for replying, i definitely feel better knowing I'm not alone and will be continuously pampering myself from hereon for medicinal purposes 😂👏🏻💅🏻🧖🏼‍♀️