37 weeks pregnant partner is never home

[Banwell32]

So me and my dp are expecting a baby 3rd of may he suffers with bad depression and has got a lot worse recently. he has been signed off work for three weeks. I thought he would be able to help me get stuff ready for the baby but I’m really getting really pissed off he’s out all day everyday whilst I’m at home on my own and goes to the gym every night it’s starting to make me paranoid why don’t he want to spend time with me or am I just being hormonal whenever i say something to him he makes out I don’t let him go out which is not the case. He used to always invite me to visit family with him but like today I had a appointment he came with me and before we even got through the door he said he was going to his grandads and left really don’t know what to do feel like I’m going insane

Have you spoke to him about this?

You really need to talk to him Why is he going to see his family everyday when he should be spending time with you? If his depression is getting worse he should go back to the doctor

Where is he going?

The gym is probably good for his mental health but being out all day every day and all evening is not on, pregnant or not.

Was he a good partner prior to this? When did it start? What does he say when you tell him how you feel?

I agree that the gym is great.

But out all day where and doing what? Is he avoiding you? The pregnancy and impending baby? Is he getting treatment?

He is getting treatment when I have said something he makes out I’m telling him what to do maybe i should say I will come with him next time but he don’t even ask I feel like he is trying to avoid me at any chance he gets and yeah he was we spent a lot of time together and since I’ve been pregnant it’s got worse I think he feels under pressure a lot I’ve been very understanding with him having time off work that we really can’t afford as I’ve just started maternity leave I just feel all on my own especially now I’m not working so I’m not getting out much

Also I don’t know where he is going most of the time he’s popping out and will be gone hours and say he went to his mums or grandads or gym.

I hope his not paying away

Me to but that’s what I’m starting to think

He's clearly really struggling to cope. You, however, are unlikely to have masses of time or headspace to help him with that over the next little while! In your shoes I'd be looking to get an alternative birth partner on standby, and a support plan for the first few weeks which does not involve him.
Are you close to your family? And his?

My family are very supportive and my sister is my second birthing partner anyway but none of them have had kids before apart from my mum but I wouldn’t want help from her I have been trying to help him but I’m struggling to understand why he’s so sad all the time

Unfortunately all you can do is focus on you and baby. Leave him to it, it’s challenging dealing with people with depression unfortunately. You just have to look after yourself for now.

Is it possible that he is in debt that you don’t know about? Bit cliched, but it can have a serious impact on mental health and is an alternative explanation to the affair? So sorry you’re feeling so unsupported though, you poor thing 😔❤️

Yeah I know I’m just going to focus on me and the baby for now and as far as I know he is not in any debt

Thankyou x

He's sad because he's ill. It's really hard, but it helps if you can keep remembering that. Mental illness is a pig!! The timing is always bad, but extra bad in this instance. If you can, keep being as kind to him as you can manage (as you would if he had some debilitating physical illness), but make sure you are not counting on him at all. If he's not able to seek treatment there's not a lot you can do, but try and detach- you can't mend his sadness anymore than you could mend a broken leg. It's really really hard on you!!!!