Need advice really struggling...single mums?

[CLD959]

Hello,

I am looking for advice and guidance on my situation...without being judged.

I have recently found out i am pregnant maybe only a few weeks. The dad and i was only dating a short period and although we did use contraception things happened which caused it not to effective.

I am 27 and i have a good job but no real saving's or my own house or anything like that...

I have told my mother and all she said is i'm not prepared, being a single parent is very lonely and a struggle and she doesn't want that for me.

I feel so torn between everything if i was to terminate the pregnancy i don't know if i could live with the mental struggle, although i understand it is not easy to be a single parent i know people who do it. I'm scared to bring a child into the world where i am unable to give it anything. I feel so lost to what is the best thing to do. I don't know about financial support you can get when having children and things like that.

I told the dad and the first thing he said was ' want me to come with you to get rid' ... he isn't someone i can talk to about this. I don't even want his involvement , if he chose to be that is fine and i wouldn't stop him. He already has a 4 year old son.

I just feel so lost... i wouldn't want to bring a child into the world who could feel unwanted because the dad isn't around? Does anyone have similar experience?

My friend has kids and the dad wasn't around and they aren't rich but the kids are fed and loved and have all there needs met and i see the love between them and i can see her struggles are all worth it. At the same time it is always different when you are looking in from the outside.

I feel so lost and i literally can't get a grip. I keep changing my mind on what i want.

I'm terrified to make the wrong choice.

Thank you for any support. :(

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear you are going through a struggle in your mind. The only advice I can offer is just to make the decision that feels best for you in your life no matter what others say if you do not want to have an abortion then definitely don’t do it.

You're 27 with a decent job. I'd say that if you feel you WANT to be a mum to this child then you can make it work.

My situation is different in that I chose to become a single mother (fertility treatment using a donor). I am not hugely well off but am managing ok. I've coped absolutely fine in terms of looking after my DD and feel she has so far had a good life. Financially all was going well until an unforeseen prolonged phase of illness between DD and I meant that I didn't get much work done (I'm self employed). Even so, we're fine living on a budget. She has a nice life with a variety of free/low cost activities, lots of time outdoors, input from my friends and family that all dote on her plus my undivided attention.

If you want to make it work you will. However it would be entirely understandable if you don't feel right about continuing this pregnancy.

Thank you. I do really appreciate your words...

If being a mam it something you want, then being single plays no part in it. I was single from 11 weeks and I now have the most kindest loving 18 month old.

I finished college and got a place in uni, have my own house and love every part of being a mam.

Although it can be lonely, and very hard, I have the support of my mam who helps me if I'm having a bad day.

You will be fine, only you can make your decision, don't let anyone influence you.