Pregnant after miscarriage

[Eststarr]

Hiya guys,
Just found out that I’m pregnant again after a miscarriage I had 2 months ago. For such a long time I felt like all I needed to be happy was to get pregnant again. Now I am, I feel a sense of relief but I’m also really scared and anxious!
I just don’t feel the same as when I was first pregnant, being all excited and telling my parents and talking about my future child... Now I almost don’t want to tell my parents as I know it won’t be as exciting and happy as the first time, it also broke my heart having to tell them about the miscarriage and I just don’t want to have to do that again. I also am finding that I’m not talking about the baby as a definite, only a maybe. Like “IF this pregnancy works out then I’ll finish work early December”. I feel like I’m struggling to believe that I won’t just lose it again :(

Has anyone got any tips or advice or been through the same thing? I want to feel positive about it, but I feel like I’m just lying to myself. It’s not fair on my unborn baby, I just want to feel like this is definitely going to work... thanks xxx

Hi @Estarr
I’m in exactly the same boat as you, had a MC in November and I’m now 4+3.
I felt like TTC took over my life as I wanted to be pregnant again so bad. My emotions are all I’ve the place, I go from being estatically happy to a massive anxious mess. I know I need to calm myself down because this stress is not good for me or baby.
We told our parents last time after a few weeks, but we’ve decided this time we don’t want to get their hopes up, and it upsets me because my mum is my rock.
I’m just going to take each day as it comes, and stay away from google!
Sorry, I’ve been no use with tips or advice but just wanted you to know you’re not alone!

It’s all totally understandable, you must be kind to yourselves. There are no rules for dealing with pregnancy. Some women are anxious all the way through. Let’s face it...there are horror stories every week of pregnancy if you look!

I started out super confident. I was Uber chuffed with myself, thought I was just a clever girl for finally getting the bits in the right place at the right time to get pregnant. I then suffered a massive bleed at 8+2, it shook my world. I was upended. I had a scan three days later and they confirmed the pregnancy was still intact!
But I have been traumatised and now, approaching 10w, I’m not much better.
I’m delighted when I vomit because I want to believe that’s a good sign. I’m facing 12w, and everyone tells me that is the golden mark.,,.but I don’t trust that. Not really.

It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to be anxious. It’s ok to worry and feel protective. You know what, if I don’t enjoy one single moment of this pregnancy, I don’t care if I get a healthy baby at the end! It might not be the recommended perspective, but I’m realistic so....! Just give yourself a little time. Take it all one week at a time xx

As others have said, you are not alone in these feelings. I had 2 miscarriages at the end of 2017 and it’s taken me over a year to get pregnant. I’d decided I was too old and it wasn’t going to happen. I’m not enjoying being pregnant. I haven’t really told anyone, as I feel a miscarriage is just around the corner, so don’t see the point. I’m just over 7 weeks, but haven’t been to my doctors or arranged a booking appointment as I don’t want to be disappointed when I miscarry and have to cancel. I am normally a totally rational person! As others have said, be kind to yourself. I don’t think pregnancy is the same after a miscarriage. Statistically your current pregnancy should be fine. Eat well, try to relax and get some rest. When you have your baby in your arms you’ll not give this time another thought. Xx

Hi, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

I lost a baby to a MMC at 11 weeks last year and am now 14 weeks pregnant. I spent so much time fixated on becoming pregnant again that I felt lost and conflicted when it actually happened. With my first pregnancy I felt blissfully unworried and relaxed which has not been the case with this one.

What I will say is that it has gotten easier with time. A reassurance scan at 8 weeks was the best thing I could have done, and with each appointment I’ve felt more confident that this pregnancy WILL result in a baby.

Please, speak to the people that care about you, tell them you are pregnant and discuss your worries. Telling people made my pregnancy feel more real and allowed me to entertain the idea that things might work out ok. You will need support in any eventuality.

Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.

Echoing the above. How you are feeling is very natural, I felt the same. I had a mc at 8 weeks last November; I am now 14 weeks pregnant. The first 8 weeks were the hardest for me, like you I felt very different and found it hard to get excited because I was scared, I was convinced I would lose it. I had a reassurance scan at 8 weeks and then felt a little better. Because I was so anxious I had a further scan at 10 weeks which made me feel more reassured. I have been cautious throughout and only in the last week or so have been able to start saying ‘when the baby comes’ rather than ‘if’. I still feel anxious about something going wrong but as each week goes by it gets a little easier and I feel more excited.
I hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy. Try and just take it day by day. Look after yourself x

My first pregnancy was textbook perfect and our daughter was born in Jan 2012. I then had a mmc (blighted ovum) in November 2013. It took us some time to decide if we wanted to try again, we took a year out, but then decided we wanted to try again, and it’s taken us three years but I am finally pregnant. I’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow. I’ve had two scans already, my next one is on a Wednesday. I’ve constantly bounced from confident to convinced it’s going to fail, almost daily some weeks. So far, everything looks good, and I’m sure I will feel a lot better after my next scan. I’m just trying to keep the faith and take one week at a time. I’ve seen my baby, seen and heard it’s heart beating. We have been more cautious with telling people this time. My parents are finding out tomorrow when they come to visit. But every day I’m feeling more confident.

Can only really echo what these lovely ladies have told you really. My first pregnancy resulted in a mmc in July last year. I became obsessed also on falling again, the 5 months it too seemed slow and agonising but I’m now 16 weeks with my 2nd pregnancy. When I first found out I broke down, it dawned on me - shit I have to go through this again and this time I’ll be more anxious than last time! I was an emotional wreck and excited all at once. I’m still anxious now but it comes and goes - I had an early 8 week reassurance scan and it was the best £100 we spent. It was the most amazing feeling. Best advice I’d say is distraction! Exersize, writing, reading, hobbies, seeing friends, dinner dates with Hubble, movies just keep as distracted as you can! As soon as you reach 12 weeks the rest fly’s. Also I was once told think of it as ‘NEW EGG, NEW SPERM’. That helps. Also don’t put your life on hold, still book that holiday, keeps things to look forward to. I wish you all the best 😘❤️ Xxxx

@Eststarr exactly the same!

I had a miscarriage 12months ago and I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant. I'm quite anxious about the whole pregnancy but what I've need most on my journey so far is the support from my parents and husband. I talk to them about how I'm feeling (mainly that I want I scan everyday just to check bean is ok )

It's hard to change your thought process but remember every pregnancy is different

Thank you so much for all of your messages guys!!! The advice of a reassurance scan is a fab idea, I’m definitely going to have that at 8 weeks. The only thing now is waiting until that point... as my last MC was at 7 weeks hopefully fingers crossed until then, I need to keep positive, but just with a possibility in my mind. Thank you @babycakes1989 as well, I really like the idea of new sperm new egg, that’s a good thing to think of. Thank you again!

Hi I'm sorry for your losses. I have had 3 consecutive mc 2017-2018 and I'll be 31 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I set myself little milestones to get to e.g. 6 weeks etc etc. I also checked the datayze website daily. Google it. Good luck and I hope you all get your rainbow babies

Hi there

I am in the same boat. Miscarried on New Year’s Day at 8 weeks. I’m now pregnant again, at 8.5 weeks. I had some spotting from week 6.5 to 7.5 - every day for 7 days straight. It was different to the bleeding I had last time though but still I convinced myself that I’d lost it again. I went for a scan at EPAU after 3 days of bleeding and they saw a heartbeat. I was so relieved, but since then, even though the bleeding has now stopped, I feel so incredibly down and anxious, almost depressed? I don’t want to see people, watch tv, eat meals, anything. I can’t get any joy out of anything. I think a big part of me is still suspecting the worst. I am convinced I will go to the 12 week scan and have a missed miscarriage. I don’t know how to control these feelings, but I feel like I need support. Unfortunately no one other than DH knows.

I'm nearly 5 weeks too. I have the extra pressure of knowing I'm nearly 44 and it took me the best part of a year to get pregnant again after my last miscarriage. It's a horrible feeling knowing that the chromosomes of this embryo are either healthy or not, and it's already decided but I don't know yet. It's the biggest crossroads.....I'll either end up with a lonely only child or the perfect family I've always dreamed of. If this goes wrong realistically I won't get another chance. All you can really do is hope. As I'm so conscious of all of this, I'm trying to repeat "I'm pregnant" to myself often because I don't consider myself pregnant yet and I need to allow myself a little bit of joy to think at least there's a chance now.

Hi everyone, congratulations on the bfp!

I had a miscarriage just over a week ago. I was 7+2. Bleeding stopped after a week. I want to start ttc again soon. How long did you all wait before you started ttc again?

Thanks x

I had a missed miscarriage two years ago. I’m 13 weeks now and honestly i felt the same as you, I just needed to be pregnant again and I’d be alright but honestly I talk the same as you too. The amount of times I’ve broken down in tears thinking it was happening again because I’ve had barely any sickness or my breast pain would disappear for a couple of hours. You won’t stop worrying. I thought okay once you get to 12 weeks the worry will be over once you see heartbeat worry will be over but it’s not and I suppose really that’s part of becoming a parent. Congratulations on your pregnancy just try to keep all stress to a mimimum and eat as healthily as you can. I also take pregnacare, the one you can take throughout. Best of luck to you x

I started trying straight away and had 3 mc in a row. We then waited 6 months, booked a holiday and conceived while away. I'm 32 weeks today. I know it's hard and so easy to become obsessed but try to make time for your relationship.

@firsttimemama91 sorry to hear about your loss :( I started ttc a few weeks after, I just wanted to be pregnant again! The first cycle didn’t really count as I couldn’t track my ovulation or anything, but after the first proper “period” after the miscarriage we started trying and got pregnant then xx

A few of my friends who’ve experienced this heartbreak haven’t even waited for a period. They cracked straight on.

There’s some evidence (apparently, I’ve not seen it though😳) that the body responds differently after mc, and that you have a slightly elevated chance of a successful pregnancy if you conceive soon after loss.

I read some stuff on the old-fashioned and outdated advice that you should wait 6mths after loss to allow hormones to settle down before conceiving again. But that is now disregarded as bollocks. In fact the advice is that, once bleeding has stopped and YOU FEEL READY, you should get cracking.

Good luck xx

Thanks ladies. We're gonna start trying again. Fingers crossed for everyone

Did a clear blue digital test this morning.. still positive says 1-2 weeks so must still have hcg since mc 12 days ago.. We're going to dtd anyway this week as I think it's my fertile week. Anybody got similar experience? Do you deff have to wait til you get a negative or is it just advised so you don't get your hopes up?

@firsttimemama91 I think it helps with dating the pregnancy

You're supposed to wait until after a negative test to ensure there's no retained products of conception. If you don't wait, you won't know if a positive test is a new pregnancy or retained tissue.

Your body also likely won't ovulate until you no longer have higher levels of pregnancy hormone