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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

20 weeks and paranoid about baby's paternity

12 replies

Belynda23 · 03/04/2019 10:05

Hi there, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and have been over stressing about my baby's paternity. This has been haunting me my entire pregnancy and the anxiety is spiralling me into depression. I'm looking for some genuine advice and support so please no harsh comments.

My last LMP was 11th November 2018, I usually have a 32-35 day cycle sometimes even longer. On the morning of 28th of November I felt prominent clear egg-white mucus (which is usually a clear indicator of ovulation for me). I had unprotected intercourse with my partner on 25th, 26th and evening of 28th of November. However, in the afternoon of 29th November I had protected intercourse with another man, using a condom during the entire time. Also, on the 24th we also had sexual interaction where his penis may have touched the outside of my vagina once or twice, but I made very sure it did not go inside me. We had oral sex where he finished off without sexual intercourse.

Two dating scans have put my date of conceiving either on 26th or 29th of November. I am almost entirely sure who the baby's father is, however I tend to over-worry and have a paranoid personality. I admit it was not one of my wiser choices, but I was having problems with my partner at the time and we were moving in and out of the relationship. Loneliness had gotten the better of me.

I was hoping for some reassurance and genuine advice or support. And with my current state of mind I really don't want any criticism. Thank you for your time.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 03/04/2019 10:11

Well i imagine that it is more likely that the baby is your partners but I would have this confirmed when baby is born. Is your partner aware that baby might not be his?

MustStopSnacking28 · 03/04/2019 10:14

It sounds more than likely that the baby it your partner’s but I think emotions are so heightened during pregnancy it’s easy to be worried and confused more than normal. I don’t know if there is a way you can find out paternity until the baby is here though so not sure if there is a way to put your mind at rest until then. Have you told your partner the baby may not be his? Have you told the other man as well?

Original poster
Belynda23 · 03/04/2019 10:16

I haven't spoken to anyone about this as I did not have a doubt when I found out I was pregnant. But as time went on, the paranoia has caught up. I will definitely confirm the paternity when baby is born, but it's a matter of waiting now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Belynda23 · 03/04/2019 10:20

Yes the other man knows I am pregnant, he confirms that when he pulled out although he was half flaccid but the condom was on the entire length of his penis, and he is quite confident that the condom did not leak that time. He thinks I am over-worrying as well and being quite impatient about my paranoia.

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 03/04/2019 10:24

I would say it's more than likely your partner's baby.

HollowTalk · 03/04/2019 10:24

There are prenatal DNA tests if you can get hold of the DNA of your partner.

MustStopSnacking28 · 03/04/2019 10:28

I am also presuming you want it to be your partner’s - are you back together now?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 03/04/2019 10:28

It is most likely your partners baby but you wont know for sure until baby is born and you complete a paternity test.

Is your partner aware that you have been regularly sleeping with another man whom you are still in contact with? It would probably be wise to discuss this with him before the baby is born so he is aware he will need to provide a sample for the paternity test.

As for the depression you should seek some help e.g. a councillor or visit your GP so you can talk these feelings through and so there is someone who can help you during the remainder of the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

Original poster
Belynda23 · 03/04/2019 10:50

Thank you all for your replies. I am considering DNA tests but I heard they are not cheap to get.

OP posts:
Original poster
Belynda23 · 03/04/2019 10:55

I am not in contact with the other man anymore, and we only had 2 sexual encounters together. It was because of ongoing issues with my partner and we were moving in and out of the relationship at the time. I was a mess back then. Thanks for all your support and reassurance.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 03/04/2019 10:58

This may sound harsh but I don’t think you have a choice in doing a DNA test and you also need to be honest with your partner now. You can’t go through the and entire pregnancy and birth with him not knowing that there is a chance it might not be his baby.

Original poster
Belynda23 · 03/04/2019 11:37

@Muststopsnacking - Yes I do want it to be my partners, we are back together now.

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