This may read like a stream of consciousness so apologies for my rambling folks!
I’m roughly two weeks off predicted Due Date and whilst I’m super excited to welcome DS into the world I’ve noticed a big shift in my emotions. It’s not constant - I have my lovely 17 month old DS and DD to brighten my days and DH is being so supportive (after a rocky start to this pregnancy).
It happens at odd times for no reason, like the emotion centre of my brain just shuts down and I can’t function anymore, like I go into ‘rest mode’...
I’m sure it’s partly due to the anxiety of the impending delivery, I’ve opted for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarian) and so far we’re on track for that which I’m both elated and terrified of because my pregnancy with my twins barely entered the third trimester, they were two months premature, extremely low birth weight due to blood flow issues through their placenta’s (discovered after the fact) and delivered by emergency cesarian... then spent 4 months in three separate NICU’s, so this is entirely new territory for me!
DH has taken as much holiday as he can for this month to look after DS, DD and to let me rest as much as possible, but I can’t seem to for long because I feel like I’m missing out on time with the twins and they’re missing out because Mummy is a bit crap at the moment...
Plus I can’t help but fear that something will go wrong between now and delivery that means another potential stay in NICU which I’m not sure I can handle for a second time (if it happens I will, I can’t not really but it’s scary I guess?)
I don’t want to bring DH down as he’s been doing so much so I find it difficult to discuss these somewhat nonsensical bouts of sadness to him. I know it’s not depression, I’ve been there before - not pre or post natal thank goodness, but I have a history of it off and on so I’m quite well versed in how it affects me.
I guess I’m just looking for anybody who may have been in a similar boat? Where no matter how excited and happy you generally were/are with your pregnancy you got more and more odd emotional moments as you neared Due Date?