Have your friends backed off?

[Crossfitgirl]

Since announcing my pregnancy, I feel like my 2 best mates seem to have backed off a bit. Conversation on our WhatsApp group has basically dried up, they never seem interested in meeting up, and nobody but me seems arsed about arranging anything. One friend is single and not in the slightest interested in children, the other is married and currently trying.
I don't know if I'm just being paranoid and it's just been the time of year when everyone is hermitting a bit due to the weather and maybe the lull will start to pick up now summer is coming, or whether my friends are actually just anticipating I won't want to go out / can't drink /will become a boring mother who talks about nothing but their child.

Or maybe pregnancy has made me paranoid and anxious, as that is also totally possible and I could be worrying over nothing!

I know friendships can change as life goes on and priorities change... But I haven't actually had the baby yet and I feel a bit like they've backed off already!

I have other friends who have actually become a lot more involved now that i am pregnant and have become more active in my life because of it.

Does anyone else feel like this or worry about losing friends?
Could I just be paranoid or does this tend to happen at this stage of life?
I've known my 2 besties since school and were all in our early 30s now so it's not like it's a newish group of friends.

I'm also very conscious about trying hard not to go on about my pregnancy etc, and continue with normal everyday stuff... I've even refrained from telling them things like when we found out the sex, and have only brought it up when people have actually asked so as not to be always talking about it if they aren't actually that interested.

Are you still making an effort to make plans? Still initiating convo on the group chat?
Maybe there's elements of both, maybe u are a bit paranoid and they don't want to pester you.

I didn't make any plans at all in the first trimester as I felt like shit, but I have made plans as usual since then.
I have made conversation on the chat, but these days I hardly ever get replies, and on occasions it just gets ignored until the next person says something else and then that gets replied to and whatever I said just gets missed. I have a Healthcare job though and my friends both work in an office so have access to their phones in the day for chatting whereas I don't, then on evenings I'm free and will reply but the conversation seems to come to a halt.

To be fair, I am pretty much nearly always the one that initiates plans.
Maybe I'm just worried that when I have a DC to look after and my priorities shift to her for a while, that my friends literally won't see me and won't make effort.

It's tricky it could just be coincidence or them having their own concerns (married friend feeling crap they haven't conceived yet and single friend worried about how things might change.

Maybe say something like "hey haven't heard from you all in ages, really.miss you both!" Suggest a date then jokingly say "promise I won't talk about baby stuff!" Or something. Tbh though they're your friends, they should be there for you. Also I've realised some people are just a bit crap!

I think it's likely they may feel a bit jealous, especially if one is trying and maybe finding it difficult to conceive and perhaps the single one feels like you are at a stage in life she would like to be. 2 of my best friends went a bit quiet on me and I definitely think it was for those exact reasons. They should still be really happy for you though and not ignore you! Perhaps be up front with them and ask if there is a problem? Hope you manage to sort it out

Bit jealous I think, a good friend should be happy that you are happy.

I have experienced the same with a couple of individual friends (as in, 1 from a wider group).
Unfortunately I do think it’s down to jealousy/a difficulty in being happy for me because they’re struggling. You never know if they have been having a hard time or even experienced loss, unless they’ve shared that with you previously.

I had a friend quite a bit older than me that was going through a breakup and I was really nervous to tell her. When I did (over text) she did seem very happy and was congratulatory to me, but she never asks how I’m feeling or how my pregnancy is going. I think it’s sad for her that she thought was close to trying now she’s suddenly single.

And to be honest I can appreciate that.

I decided not to share my news on social media because I remember at work last year a colleague that suffered 2 MCs burst into tears when she saw on FB and old school friend announce her pregnancy. Even though they weren’t close friends it affected her so much.

I felt like I would hate for my good news to upset someone else, so didn’t share publically.

I also have close friends that I didn’t tell until 16 weeks because they hadn’t bloody asked me how I was!! When people have big problems/things going on in their own lives, they seem to forget other people might have some news to share!

Don’t take it personally

I could have written this myself. I have two very close friends and this did happen when I first found out I was pregnant. My husband went to work abroad 3 weeks ago and won’t be back for another 3 weeks so I bit the bullet and messaged them to tell them I felt lonely. Since then things have improved and I’m almost back to my pre-pregnancy social life. It’s almost like they needed to physically see that I was just as interested in going out as before for it to ‘click’. Try telling them how you feel, you don’t have to go into a lot of detail but saying you miss the way things were might make them realise you’re not just all about the baby now!