I'm 22 and pregnant and I need some help!

[Illuminatalie]

Hey guys,

I'm a 22 year old woman, I've been with my boyfriend since November and I recently found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I'm really at a loss on what to do because I never imagined being pregnant this young. My boyfriend wants us to keep it, we had a crush on each other for years before we got together and I do believe he is my soulmate. My sister just had a baby (shes 20) and watching her has made me very scared to get an abortion, the procedure itself is something I know would cause me a ton of mental distress, and she has also made me quite broody!

We live somewhere that isn't good to raise a child and neither of us have a lot of money at all. All my friends are telling me to get rid and that we can just try again but I think that's quite cold. My family said they will try and help but I am just so terrified.
I'm scared of childbirth and the idea that having a baby changes my life plans around. But I also know I'm with the person I want to have children with and there will never really be a right time? The idea of childbirth terrifies me too, especially after watching my sister!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know if I can just find somewhere better to live (we are in a shared housing situation which is quite 'ghetto" and not safe at all) and get a proper job I can make this work, but I am just so scared and in doubt of so much, thank you in advance for your advice! 💛💜

Natalie x

I guess you need to look at your situation with money (do you both work?) and housing and think whether it could work or not. If your family are behind you then you will probably manage just fine. In terms of childbirth, every woman is different so you may have a very different experience to your sister.

A new job won’t pay out maternity pay.

Having a baby puts a massive strain on a relationship even it is a stable relationship and a planned baby.

You have a lot to think about it.

Raising a child is not easy op, and yes it costs money,

Your boyfriend and you are in a very new relationship, it's literally weeks old, and when a child enters the picture your life and relationship changes.

Can you both house, feed, clothe and care for a child 24/7? Can you make the Sacrifices required, from money, to time to career?

And if your relationship broke down when the reality hit, could you raise the child alone?

Having a baby can be a difficult thing - the practicalities, the expense, the commitment.... however it is also the most wonderful thing in the world! I had my first dd at 18 in less than ideal circumstances, her Father has only laid eyes on her once and never been heard from again and she isn't now in her 20's! But, abortion wasn't something I agree with and with the support of my family things have been fine. Not always easy, I was on my own with her for a few years and it made me grow up fast but she is so worth it!
Your partner sounds supportive. You've clearly known each other a long time, even if you haven't been 'together' all that long, it counts for a lot. There is help out there for you. Speak to your family and friends, they may know of other support locally to you. Many areas have support groups for young (under 25) Mums these days - you can access these whilst pregnant, you don't have to wait for baby to arrive - they would be able to advise what help is out there for you in your area.
Don't rush into anything, look into your options and support network and do what is right for you. Your sister has a baby, it would be lovely for them to grow up together.

I was in the same situation as you OP.

I had my child. hes now 28. He is the best thing ever. I have never ever regretted anything.

Yes its tough, but hell its worth it.

I did the first 15 years alone.

pm me if you need to

I was 22 when I had my first child, he is now nearly 17. It was not ideal, he wasn't planned, I had only just qualified as a nurse so I didn't get any maternity pay and had to start my first job as a qualified nurse when he was only 8 weeks old.
I didn't end up staying with his father and have since remarried and had two more children.
I was skint, as a single parent I lived Hand to mouth and it was hard. It was hard watching my friends having the times of their lives in their 20's while I was working all hours to keep a roof over our head and obviously staying in every weekend being a Mum.
But I wouldn't change a thing- I am the proud mother of a very happy, confident teenager who is now studying for A levels. He has a good relationship with his Father and I have maintained an amicable relationship with my ex.

I think you can do it if it's what you really want.

I had my first at 18 it is hard but i wouldnt have changed it. Child birth isnt that bad at all gas and air is amazing to help u through it.
If your bf wants to keep the baby then thats a good sign that u both can get through this together. if u are unsure then speak to a midwife/doctor.
I think your friends are so bad for saying that to u,please listen to your own head and heart on what to do x

Honestly you will never regret having that baby once he or she is here. As for fear of childbirth- I am 30 and the first few months of this pregnancy I was so scared of thw thoughtbof childbirth that I cried about it! Now I'm overdue and honesty cannot wait to experience it, the fear can just turn to excitement :) So please don't worry. And congratulations! :)