Thoughts please..

[newbabyyy2019]

So me and my boyfriend are currently expecting our first baby. We have been together for 3 and a half years. I figured because we aren't married or even engaged yet, I figured our child will have a double barrelled last name with mine and his surnames. I mentioned this to my partner and he's horrified at the thought and thinks our child should take his last name. I feel that if he hasn't given me his last name yet then why should our child have just his family name when my family name is the name that I still have. If we were engaged it would be different because I know he'd of made the promise to give me his last name but what if he didn't propose for a really long time? I'd hate for our child to not have my name also in that time.. I understand where he's coming from as it is the more common thing to do but he doesn't understand my point at all.. Am I being unreasonable or is he the one being unreasonable?

I do agree with you which is one of the reasons I wanted to get married before we had children. I also ended up with a double barrelled surname so I completely get why you wouldn't want your child to be without your name too.

One of the problems I could see though is that if you give child a double barrelled, but then you do get married, unless you are going double barrelled you will have to change child's name? (I have no idea how complicated changing a child's name is)

Also I think changes in the normal can take a while to get your head around if you hadn't considered it before.

Eg. My husband wasn't into the double barrelled idea for our wedding name. I left it a while and then he turned around one day and told me he'd spoken to his mum and told her he was taking my name too and we were double barrelling!

I do see what you're saying but I think double barrelled names can get out of hand. Like what if your child ends up marrying and wants to double barrel their name...they'll have 4 surnames lol where does it end? If you plan to get married in the future then I would just let your child have his name as you will too one day. But each to their own of course it's whatever makes you feel best I guess!

I'd give your child your name. But then I'm extremely happily married for almost 9 years and our child will have my name. I don't get these male egos and tradition. Does my head in. Luckily it does DH's head in too.

Double barrel it. If you get married you could double barrel your surname too. If you don't get married at least your own child will have your name too. In other countries double barrelling names is the norm. They don't stack up loads of names. You choose which parts you want to keep if you go on to marry. Alternatively is your surname one that could be used as a middle name? That's what we are doing with DH's name.

I would give my child my surname if I wasn't married or engaged to be. Particularly if I would be the main care giver, signer of forms etc, would just be easier that way. Will make things a whole lot easier if you split in the future But I'm cynical like that. Either that or double barrel. But definitely not his name just for traditions sake.

I was with dp for five years when we decided to have our first baby. Dp thought that baby would have his last name only, I wanted mine also. He disagreed at first but as the pregnancy went on he changed his mind.
Just give him time to think about it and he'll realised it's not as bad as he thinks!

Tell him it’s a choice between your own name, or double barrelled. No reason why it has to be his name. You’re the one growing the baby.