Hi everyone,
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and I really need reassurance
it's a bit of a story, so here goes
before I got pregnant I was smoking weed/cigarettes and drinking everyday, and actually had an overdose on antidepressants day before I found out at 4/5 weeks. I managed to cut everything out by 6 weeks.
I've had so much stress in other areas though. I've always struggled with my mental health. In the first trimester I was off the charts. I had meltdowns that could have got me sectioned, and got into quite a few massive arguments with family. Occasionally I've just gotten horribly depressed and detached from what is happening, or I've felt so nervous and anxious about everything I just want to pass out. This has been on and off throughout the pregnancy. I take antidepressants and see a therapist, but this pregnancy has just been so hard.
I also have a really dysfunctional and stressful relationship with the father. We haven't met up too often during the pregnancy but when we do, screaming matches always ensue. I've thrown stuff at him, and gone into sobbing fits. He's yelled at me likewise. He also smokes weed, cigarettes and continually does this around me when I see him even though I ask him every time to not. His house is basically a toxic green house of chemicals, and I still go and see him.More fool me, in that case for not realising it won't change. I've decided to no longer see him in any fashion, the risk is too great. The stress of having to apply for sole custody if he doesn't change also weighs on me.
When he found out about the pregnancy, he started doing a lot of drugs to cope. He had a sexual encounter with another woman at around 3 months pregnant (we are on-off) which I only recently found out about and this has caused a lot of crying.
Basically, I try to meditate everyday, do light exercise, eat well, I don't smoke, drink, I drink 2L water each day and try to walk 2-3km everyday, while continuing my studies and staying positive. I just don't think it's enough. With all of this stuff going on, I feel I've done some really serious harm to my baby. No I didn't plan the pregnancy but It's up to me to make sure they have a good life, but I just feel I've ruined them with stress and exposure to toxins etc etc.
I really need some reassurance that everything will be okay, or even just some stories I could relate to. I feel so alone and scared :(