About to have a baby, and regretting my abortion from two years ago

[Idontknow777]

I’m so sad,

I had an abortion like two years ago at 5-6 weeks I was 24 just turned 25 and I jusr felt presssured to do it even though I didn’t want to,
I was living in shared housing & my bf was still living at his moms and I wouldn’t be able to continue paying my rent through a pregnancy (also prob wouldn’t still be able to live there) & didn’t trust my bf to get us a place; I had no where else to live ...
I didn’t have much time to think about it bc my bf was going to Ireland for a month & I didn’t wanna go through it alone so I did it before he left. I went to the clinic threee times before going through with it, each time I sobbed and couldn’t do it but at the time I felt like it was my only option, I was scared, ignorant. And selfish.

Now we are about to have a baby girl any day. My due date is March 30. We moved in together in October ans things are great and fine, but I find myself crying like every single day thinking of the other baby I would have had, how guilty I feel.. 1- for jusr aborting thar would be Child ans now having a diff child 2 years later, my heart hurts so much for whoever this person would have been.. I jusr love them so much even though they were only 5/6 weeks.. I feel so awful and i miss this person I never got to Meet. Irs not fair I’m having a different child and didn’t get to let them live.
2- I feel bad for my current baby, because I love her so much too and she wouldn’t be here if I didn’t get that abortion two years ago but I feel hurt because I basically killed her sibling in my womb that has now been her home.. I will love her completely but I feel bad thar I miss this other baby I never got to meet

I feel like I will go to hell. It was the worst thing I ever did in my life. I am so sad. It’s something I will never be able to fix. And I’ll never meet whoever my first child would have beenZ

I’m drenched in tears right now, wishing I could have them bck. I try so hard to live my life completely but I feel like a part of me was ripped and torn away and I will never recov it from it. I hope My first baby forgives me and doesn’t hate me and I will meet him/hurt some day, I jusr feeel like a huge part of me is missing wveeyday.. I’ve felt like that since the abortion but it’s gor a lot worse now that I’m about to have a baby. When I saw her the first time on the ultrasound I cried so hard becaus I www thinking that if I saw my first baby on ultraounr I never would have aborted him or her. I’m so broken and sad:(

Forgive yourself. You had a very early abortion, you didn't kill a baby, you prevented an embryo from developing.
I'm sure your pregnancy now has reawoken all the heartbreak you felt a couple of years ago.
Try to enjoy where you are now, count your blessings, and remember you did what you thought best at the time....which is all any of us can do.

I agree with the pp. I'm sure it was tough and I can totally see where you're coming from. Thing is, it did happen, but it's in the past now.

Focus on enjoying this time and your lo when they arrive.

Good luck xx

Have you ever spoken to anyone about this? Counselling of any kind? Pethaps grief counselling.

I strongly suggest you look at those options, because I think it will help.

I had a late abortion, but never regretted that. However I later had a late miscarriage, it always helped me to think that if I had had that baby, my current children would never have been born.

Actually I would talk to your midwife and see if they can help you access specialist peri natal support for your feelings. You don't want peri natal depression to affect your bonding and attachment to this child. Your whole family, including yourself, needs you to work through this and come to some peace around it. You deserve it. No need for anyone to hate anyone here.