Advice if you’ve been in a similar position?

[Gruffaloschild2019]

So DC2 is due beginning of Oct and we have a toddler who is going to be 2 at the end of Oct. We are moving house in a few months time which is very hectic, but hopefully will be settled before new baby arrives.

Now, I’m a full time mum at the moment, but my DD is keeping me very busy. I’m constantly tired and now anxious about the new arrival and how things are going to work out considering we have no help/family around. I’m planning a c-section after having an emergency one with my first. My worry is, what do I do with my DD, do I put her in a nursery full time until we sort out the breastfeeding and get past the terrible new born stage? My worry is that in Oct the flu season starts and based on this winter my DD seems to pick up all the possible viruses there are and get some nasty illnesses. She may bring them home to the little one?

Or do I hire a full time/part time nanny and help around the house?

Any ideas would be welcome! I know it’s way too early to think about this, but we’ve got so much going on, time flies like crazy.

If you’re going to put DD into childcare then do it sooner rather than later so she has time to settle before the disruption of a new sibling. That might be easier said than done depending on what the waiting lists for nursery are like in your area. Get her vaccinated against the flu and I don’t think protecting against bugs because of the new baby is at all realistic- presumably your DD does see other children and you go to groups/activities? Hiring a nanny just for the initial c-section recovery/establishing breastfeeding stage is probably more hassle than it’s worth, unless you plan to keep them on indefinitely. Personally I’d go for DD goes to nursery 2-3 days a week and you get a cleaner once or twice a week to keep on top of the house work.

If you can afford a nanny that would be a much better idea. No germs (And associated enforced absence from nursery) no nursery run with a baby, your DD will still be at home and get to see you but with the benefit of another adult being there to take her out, do puzzles etc, and possibly the nanny could help with the baby sometimes allowing you to have quality time with your DD. I would suggest putting such a young child in FT care close to a new baby arriving would almost inevitably result in her feeling pushed out by the baby and expressing it with difficult and jealous behaviour.

Both of mine we're ill constantly for 2 months when they started nursery, they were barely there, just long enough to pick up another virus. Your husband will have a couple of weeks paternity leave won't he?

You could probably get a part time nanny or even a mother's help

Yes, DH will have 2 weeks, possible more but last time I was in the hospital for 5 days before we brought DD home. So, if this happens again I need to know that DD is looked after if DH needs to be with me. Once he had to come to the hospital at 11pm.

If I did take DD to nursery, I’d definitely put her in earlier, but I’m taking into consideration that she may get ill and will end up staying home so what’s the point. That may not be the case, but this winter she’s been ill on and off, and some very nasty infections. She is going to playgroups and classes and that’s where she gets the nasty viruses from.

@CallMeCarolDanvers good point

expressed the eldest won’t be eligible for flu vaccine need to be 2 by end of August, my child will miss cut off. (Vaccine not licensed for under 2s as linked to wheezing at that age according to nhs website )

Apologies, I’m not in the U.K. so my 1YO was given 2 flu vaccines this winter, didn’t realise the UK didn’t vaccinate under 2s. But nanny would be good if you’re planning on keeping them longer term and especially if your DD is prone to illness.

I didn’t mean that to be all bossy and knowledgeable I just think it’s notable as I assumed if they were 2 come flu season then they’d get it.

It’s the constant low level bugs and germs that grind you down. I still prefer the idea of nursery because as lovely as it might be to all be at home I think I’d find it quite awkward having a nanny at home while I was about with house (and me!) a mess etc. on my down time (if there’s any) I’d feel guilty just napping/watching Netflix. I completely second the idea of cleaner. Could you husband drop your eldest off at nursery and you pick them up with baby, all getting a walk?