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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Reluctantly pregnant

21 replies

HappyGoLuckyGo · 21/03/2019 19:34

Got a pretty surprising BFP today. DS is 14mo and I'm due back at work in 4 weeks or so. This wasn't in the plan, but I'm getting my head around it. Just feeling a bit sad, really, and annoyed at myself. Had mild antenatal depression last time and don't want to slip back into the same thinking. DH is away for another 3 weeks and I want to tell him in person as he'll be delighteda but that's a long time to keep quiet, and stay in my own head!

Anyone else reluctant, or feeling overwhelmed, or similar? Obviously I'm aware that I'm very lucky and baby be cherished, but still. Struggling to stay super optimistic right now.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Fifteenthnamechange · 21/03/2019 19:52

I'm not in a similar position now but I think I had ante natal depression with my 2nd pregnancy. Perhaps go to GP/midwife ASAP & see if there's some help in case you feel the same this time? You might not but with waiting lists I'd get in early. Also did you identify anything as worsening the depression? Tiredness made me feel worse. Perhaps identify triggers & do whatever it takes to reduce them (ie sick leave, toddler in childcare etc)
It's normal to feel worried, don't beat yourself up. Congrats x

Bambamber · 21/03/2019 19:58

Very different situation to you, but like you I just feel completely overwhelmed. I'm only early on so I'm hoping It will get better. I know I should be happy and excited, but instead I just feel tired and sad. So you're absolutely not alone.

Is there anyone you could tell about the pregnancy? I tend to feel a little better when I can share how I'm feeling

kayakingmum · 21/03/2019 20:00

I would tell him over the phone, but then I'm rubbish at keeping secrets.

stillworkingitout · 21/03/2019 20:01

My first child was a similar age when we conceived our second. It was planned, well, sort of. But when I fell I was terrified we had made a terrible mistake. There were difficult times, but it wasn’t so bad. They have a strong bond (almost 3 and 5) and play together. I’ll never know any different.

It’s worth speaking to someone about how you’re feeling. I didn’t have AND with either. I did have PND with my first but not at all with my second. Good luck!

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 21/03/2019 20:12

Thanks for the lies :) Last time I was concerned about whether I'd love the (very much planned) baby, whether we'd made a mistake, what if I was a horrible mum etc. This time I feel like rationally I know it'll all work out, but I'm just disappointed that I made such a poor decision (moment of apparently badly-timed passion!).

Last time I got my BFP just as DH went away for a fortnight with work, which was an unusual trip for him, so I'm loathe to repeat the whole doing-it-at-a-distance thing. Especially as we have a nice lunch planned on our wedding anniversary three days after he's back, so that would be perfect timing! Just need to bite my tongue, maybe it'll give me a chance to get my head straight. I just want to carry on as normal for a bit longer...

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Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 21/03/2019 20:15

Lol, the replies- not the lies!

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Kettleon80 · 21/03/2019 20:16

If you can stand to keep it to yourself, waiting a few weeks might give you that time you need to get your head around it all.

You have a similar age gap to me when I found out I was pregnant with our (unplanned) second. However, we were also broke, exhausted, living at my mums between buying a house, husbands job kept him away for long periods - but we've got through it. You do.

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 21/03/2019 20:35

I think I'll ty and keep it to myself. Both sides of the family and my best friend are all pretty intense (read: argh, literally, please back off) so I'd rather just DH and I knew for as long as possible.

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Mammajay · 21/03/2019 20:59

And the children will be close enough in age to play together when they get a bit older. If you had post natal depression speak to your doctor or someone who knows about the injection you can be given immediately after the birth to stop pnd ( apparently).

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 21/03/2019 21:42

That's true! It'll be fine, I know. I'm just sad- finally got my hot bod back (HAHAHA, but close enough), finally getting in really well with DH now that the exhaustion has worn off, toddler is easy and fun... Life is great. And now it's going to go back to all the pregnancy and newborn faff.

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Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 22/03/2019 08:48

Little bump. Anyone else? Feeling a bit better today, but still doesn't feel like this is really happening. Getting tearful every time I realise that it is, but have lots to get on with today so hopefully can distract myself.

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Cathy31 · 22/03/2019 12:22

Hi, new to mumsnet but inspired to post because I'm feeling the same! My first isn't even 1 yet and still not sleeping through. We knew we wanted a second but I just don't feel ready yet. I feel guilty about not feeling happier too, as I have friends who are struggling to conceive. Trying to focus on the positive ie we'll get the baby stage over with in a couple of v intense years...

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 23/03/2019 06:30

Thanks for the reply @Cathy31! It does help to know I'm not alone :) DS had a decent night last night ans somehow the days are flying by (probably because I am trying to keep busy, and no one knows so no questions!). Completely get your comment about guilt- I keep thinking how annoying the timing is but then reassuring myself that baby is wanted, because the last thing I want is to have a miscarriage and feel like I wished the baby away. Can't win?! How does your DH feel?

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Teddyreddy · 23/03/2019 08:14

We have a 21 month gap (so very similar to you) between my 1st 2, we'd always intended to have a 2nd, just not quite that soon. I'm now pregnant with DC3, with a deliberately bigger gap of 2 years 9 months this time. I don't know if this helps, but there are some things that were definitely easier last time round with the smaller gap. The main one I've found so far is that DC1 was still napping while I was pregnant with DC2 - the middle of the day break makes pregnancy and a small child much more bearable, at 2 1/4 DC2 is now not napping and I'm struggling. I'm also a bit worries about how I'll cope with a baby this time, when I was pregnant with DC2 it felt like we hadn't left the baby time behind so it was continuing with something familiar - this time it feels much more like we'll be taking a step back.

It may be hard work for pregnancy and the first 6 months, but there are definitely lots of benefits to having a smaller gap after that, they are close enough to have similar interests and play together really well and have done for well over a year.

girlintheglass · 23/03/2019 08:22

When my first baby was 3 months old I found out I was expecting my second. I wasn't jumping for joy and was very annoyed at myself, fast forward 9 months - my first child turned 1 and I went into labour with second child. I had two baby's in a year to the day. It was hard they are not 3 and 2 it was overwhelming and the time passed in a blur!!! But much easier now they both play together and are out of nappies

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 23/03/2019 08:29

Thanks for the replies! I'm also a bit spooked because I wasn't reading a "two under two" thread before I found out and it was pretty depressing! I'm going back to work in a few weeks so DS will be at nursery, which will be good for him. Just a bit frustrating to be going back to all the pregnancy faff, I was looking forward to just getting on with work whilst feeling fine, taking time to redecorate the house etc. Although am 5 weeks today and symptom-wise not a sausage, which I'm relishing!

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Cathy31 · 23/03/2019 14:59

DH is happy about it, which is great. And he's been really understanding about how I feel - I just wanted a few months enjoying work and things finally getting easier with our first. And I've been so sick and so tired! Really hope you stay symptom-free!

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 23/03/2019 15:27

At least he's happy! I'm looking forward to telling mine when he's back in just over two weeks. Been rehearsing how I'm going to tell him 😂 I'm really enjoying feeling well in myself but it does make it harder to believe! Hope your suffering eases up soon, and your LO sleeps better...

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Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 31/03/2019 19:26

Finally told DH! He was very pleased, once he got over the shock, and has already come up with a plan for both of us jobs-wise. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that, although I'm still not very happy about the situation. Luckily am completely asymptomatic, so at least life can go on as normal for now.

Anyone else in a similar boat? Unsure? 2 under 2 coming up, as a surprise?

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Claply · 31/03/2019 20:50

I felt like this when I found out I was pregnant with DC2.

God I worship that baby now. Light of my life (both are obvs, but oh that baby!)

All the stuff you are worried about won't matter for long op - don't worry xxx

Original poster

HappyGoLuckyGo · 31/03/2019 21:01

Hahaha, okay, thanks, that's reassuring!

I sporadically feel guilty when I see DC1's trusting little face and think how we're going to turn his world upside down- but he's sociable and resilient, so he'll be okay. Got a private scan booked for two weeks' time so hoping that seeing a heartbeat will make me feel a bit more excited.

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