Need a friendly opinion and chat

[MkYeoman]

I'm wondering if someone can help...

So I've been dating this guy since the start of January (not boyfriend and girlfriend), in February I found out I was pregnant and the father (guy I've been dating) hasn't been the same since. He admits to talking to other girls who are "friends" and has even gone to see his ex who tried to commit suicide a few years back whilst knowing I was upset and needed him at appointments that same weekend he went to see her. He hasn't been to one appointment with me (he is in the RAF so he works away) however when he has been back he hasn't attended any appointments. He doesn't want the baby and has made it abundantly clear that if I have an abortion we can be together (look at the screenshots of our conversations from a few weeks back). I don't know what to do because a small dose of me loves him but I love my baby more than anything in this world and I really do see myself happy with it but I don't know what to do about the pregnancy because I'm 20 years old and haven't even started my savings fund yet although I do work full time and earn a good wage. I've been so unwell with my pregnancy with HG and two weeks ago miscarried one of the twins, he hasn't once asked how I'm coping after it.

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you x

You've only been seeing him for a few months, not even made the commitment to be in an exclusive relationship yet, so I wouldn't trust all this "get rid of the baby and we'll be together" stuff. He's saying what he can to get what he wants. It's not the best way to start a relationship so I think, regardless of what YOU decide is best in terms of continuing the pregnancy or not, the ship has sailed on this becoming anything long term.

I think you have to accept he doesn't want much to do with the baby, and have to decide if you want to go ahead as a single mother as that's what will likely happen.

Sorry to hear you're feeling crap, I had HG too and it's horrendous.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
If you want to have the baby then it looks like you will have to plan to do it alone.
Do you have a support network around you? Family/friends that you can rely on?

Honestly?

He doesn't want a baby so you should be prepared to do this alone, and for your mental health I would cut your losses now and just drop all contact.

And no, you won't be together if you had an abortion. Why would you want to be with someone who tried to make you have an abortion that you didn't want?

I think if you want to keep this baby, then you need to be preparing yourself to be a single parent...
I was in a similar boat to you, except ex and i lived together for seven months. When i got pregnant we weren't together, he made how he feels very clear (which kills me, but it's his choice, just as keeping the baby was my choice).
I'm unemployed, have been for awhile due to mental health, have no savings, and am back with my parents. It's definitely not the ideal situation, but it's what my life is now so I'm trying to make the most of it.

Gosh. I am so sorry for your loss and that you have been suffering with HG. There is just no underestimating how tough that is and relationship issues on top is the last thing you need right now.

It sounds like you want to have the baby and in that case I would say you should absolutely go ahead regardless of him. At the moment this baby is not real to him at all - it is to you.

There are always practical considerations when anyone has a baby - money, age, circumstances but if you want that child a way can always be found. It’s not always easy but the love and joy they bring make it worth it. You can only plan life so much and sometimes you get an unexpected turn/opportunity and just because it isn’t how you imagined it would happen doesn’t mean you can’t go with.

To have a termination you don’t want for the sake of a relationship is such a risk as in all likelihood it will probably do for the relationship anyway. I’m totally pro choice but it’s got to be your choice and yours alone. From my point of view it feel it’s a decision to let your heart have the bigger say on too.

In my line of work I have come across many times Dad’s who wanted the child to be aborted but once that baby arrives and is real to them they step up and love them fiercely. It tends to cause lingering ill feeling for the mothers because it’s hard to forget that they initially didn’t want them/viewed them as a problem to be solved. There’s no excusing it but I think the fact that they aren’t going through it physically can make them a lot more detached. I bet he doesn’t have a clue what stage you are at and what he is suggesting would involve for you physically, mentally and emotionally.

But there are also Dad’s who shut it all away and have absolutely nothing to do with their child. You don’t know how he will be and I think you should work on the assumption that he won’t be invovled but have in mind how it might be if he does want to be but you are separated. Or there is the chance your relationship could come through this.

Now is absolutely the time to put you first and what you want. Really wish you all the best.

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

My mum has been great and also my two best friends have supported me but my father hasn't said a word on it other than when he found out he called me an animal so not really a huge support network.

I know what he is doing and I can see right through it but part of me feels like I'm just being delusional and hormonal. I'm not sure if I should tell his parents either about this baby as I know he won't do it himself.

Thanks again everyone for the advice though, I do appreciate it

When I was 20 I was in the exact same position as you, my boyfriend at the time said he’d leave me if I kept the baby. I went to an abortion clinic numerous times and couldn’t do it it was more to prove a point to him that I’d considered it. Anyway, I had barely anything because I had to leave uni and move back with my parents. I can honestly say it was the best decision I ever made. If you love your baby you would never be the same after an abortion and no man is worth that sacrifice. I managed to do everything on my own and now 4 years later I’ve met someone who adores me and we’re expect our second child (first together but he treats my son as his own).

Things will get better, please don’t do something you’ll regret

OP please do what is right for you. If you want to keep your baby then don't be manipulated into an abortion. This man sounds dreadful and quite frankly, I think you are better off without him. The thing is, he had sex with you and any person having sex knows that there is the risk of pregnancy so whether he likes it or not, he is financially responsible for this baby. I really hope that you do what is best for you and you are able to take some time just to process everything.

Choose your baby ❤️❤️ they are forever, men always aren't! He's not the one if he's making you choose ❤️❤️