Being upset during pregnancy

[BEAU1984]

Hi all,
Hoping someone can give me some reassurance.
Since finding out I was pregnant in December my life seems to be falling apart. After 12 years together my partner keeps saying he doesn't want to be with me, we haven't lived together really since Xmas. He keeps being nasty and we fall out. He was rushed into hospital with problems with his stomach. my grandma after just recovering from cancer has had to have something removed from her bowel, waiting.on results on that. I have been told I have been made redundant and will be out of work at the end of April. And a few days ago my mum after recovering from cancer a few years ago was told she had a brain tumour.
I can't stop crying, I mean actual sobbing myself to sleep most nights and shaking n struggling to breathe I'm in such a state. I'm so worried about the baby, I'm 21 weeks today and had high BP when I went to my last appointment.
Xx

Oh sweetie. You poor thing. You really are going through the mill aren’t you.
I asked the same question on here myself when I was 26 weeks pregnant because I was going through hell with my husband being an absolute d*.
I found myself crying everyday and getting extremely stressed.
It’s not as extreme as what your going through but I was concerned that the stress I was putting me and the baby under was going to cause him harm.
I got some lovely replies from people who had been through a lot worse then me during their pregnancies and their babies were fine.
And my boy is just perfect. No damage done.
Just watch your blood pressure though. Try taking a breather. Going for a short walk or something to clear your head.
Obviously high blood pressure is a sign of preeclampsia but as people told me on my post, stress won’t cause you to get it. That’s something I was worried about.
It sounds as if yours is just stress related but keep an eye on it.
X

Ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team. They are fantastic and will have specialist midwives who can support you while you are having such a hard time.

You have an awful lot on your plate and its not surprising you are struggling so much. Now is the time to reach out for help. You will feel much better if you can speak to someone about your feelings and the things you are trying to handle right now.

Get lots of support and take time to rest. At 32 weeks DD was diagnosed with restricted growth likely due to my high bp. I had lots of stress and had to spend time laying down to ensure good chord flow. Try to rest even just for an hour and get a good shoulder to cry on if you can. DD had a shaky start but is fine now.

Thank you all for your replies. It really is a hard time and my little girl is all I am looking forward to ❤
The future seems so frightening at the moment x

That's an awful lot to deal with, have you told your midwife everything you are going through? They may be able to offer you some extra support. Have you got much support around you?

OP
I had antenatal depression and was often a wreck. Hysterical, occasionally aggressive but mostly just really really sad. I cried a lot. It was my partner who triggered it, often, and in some ways I was relieved when we separated 6 months after DS was born.

I tormented myself that I was “hurting the baby” when I was so upset- something exDP used to say to me.

So I spoke to my midwife who a) referred me to the mental health team and b) reassured me that babies are resilient. That you can only do your best. That being upset is hurting you more than the baby- the baby is fine. The baby has everything it needs. But getting some help now, as you navigate this awful time, will help you- which is the most important thing.

I know it’s frightening- I was terrified too. And now I’m lying in bed next to perfect, almost 3 year old DS - and we’re fine. We’re more than fine. And I promise you will be too.

Like a pp said, I'd recommend being referred to a perinatal midwife team. It's so helpful to have that extra support in place and it sounds like you could really use it.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time. Any one of those things would hit someone hard, let alone all of them together.

It's no surprise that your bp would be a bit high at the moment but remember, babies are resilient things and I'm sure your dd will be fine.
Do what you need to to get through this bad patch and speak to your midwife and gp about getting extra support.

Sending you hugs xx

Thank you all for your encouraging messages. I have.mentioned bits to my midwife, next time I go I think that I will offload completely and see if there is any support they are able to offer. It's lovely reading all of your positive experiences. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories xxx

I do have support at home but we are all in the same boat to be honest. I don't want to worry anyone so I'm trying to keep moving forward in public and breaking down in private xx