having a 3rd baby - parents and inlaws unenthusiastic :(

[shrub]

we've just announced we are having a very much wanted third baby. when my dh and i told our parents they didn't even say congratulations. they were great when we announced the first two. the first question from both: was it planned? why would you want another baby? they think we are being extravagent - where is it going to go? how are you going to cope? more expense etc. its such a special time and they sort of squashed the happiness right out of us - has anyone had this when they told people about having a 3rd?

Shrub - congratulations! What lovely news. You shouldn't have to justify any of your actions to anybody really should you?
My family has a knack of taking the wind out of my sail and has managed to do it right from me announcing what degree results I got (put the phone down on mum) right up to both of my pregnancies and come to think of it the births too. I personally think that it is a tactless problem that they have and it's none of their Bl**dy business anyway. I just hope to god I haven't inherited it!

Sorry! In a bolshy mood today!

My parents & ILs reacted exactly the same as shrub's. Why do you need another when you've already got one of each, & all the comments everyone else has mentioned.

(My mum then compounded it by telling me at regular intervals that I "should have stopped at 2", or "if you'd just had the first 2 you'd have been able to x by now")

When we had the 4th we were so nervous about the reaction we'd get that we told everyone he was an accident . He wasn't, but it kept the family off our backs!!

Congratulations shrub! Good on you for going for a 3rd - I've got 2 siblings & always wanted 3 kids myself but at 10 wks pg with no.2 I'm not so sure anymore!

Not the same I know, but I had a disappointing reaction from my mum when I told her I was pg this time, because of the (planned) small age gap (17mo) - I told her as soon as I found out and don't think she took me seriously at all, which I found quite upsetting.

Hope you'll come and join us on the Due In April thread - and Azure would be pleased to have someone due after her!

Congratulations Shrub!, we are 3 sisters and the only thing that comes to my mind every time I see a family of less than 3 children is that somebody is missing.

We have just one DS, and I wish he could have more siblings to play with, so many people are against big families but now, specially when all the family is so far away, I see my neigbours' 4 children and I wish so much I can have a family such hers.

Enjoy it a lot, and many congratulations! (Forget about the parents and the inlaws, they can say these things but is well know that normally the third one is the grand parents favourite :)

We have 3 DS's and sadly I think some people just don't get it if you want more than 2, almost like there an unwritten rule that 2 is ok but any more and you're wierd

I lost count of how many "Oh No! was it planned?" lines I got. Even my mum said "oh dear" but in a jokey way....still not nice though.

The worst thing that was said to me "oh, so you got want you wanted then!" I'd been broody for AGES and was over the moon to be PG I'm sure she thought I'd somehow stolen Dh's sperm and used turkey baster! I eventually got a congratulations after about 20 minutes, very much as an after thought.

Some people shouldn't even bother to open their mouths especially when theres stuff like we've all heard coming out.

It's great having 3, hard work at times but I love it. Congratulations

Gosh, isn't it bizarre that people think anyone's mad to want more than 2? It's never occurred to me that people would say anything but congratulations, wtf is it to do with them? And HOW RUDE to say anything at all! Congratulations Shrub, ignore them.

(Pamina, sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I didn't know)

my MIL didnt seem very enthusicate about bump no3, but then she (and my parents) are worried about how i'll cope on my own if worst comes to worst.

but once they saw the scan pictures they melted. I even got MIl discussing names the other day

wow - thank you so so much for taking the time to reply, went to bed last night feeling much happier than the night before. i really love mumsnet your replies have really helped lift my spirits - since i posted i went to the doctor for confirmation and her reaction was to keep saying how brave i am (is there something all you mums of 3 haven't told me yet?) and told a close friend who did say congratulations (hurrah) but in the next sentence talked about how liberating life is now her dh has had a vasectomy (boo) so i guess i'm just going to have to accept peoples odd replies and invent some odd retorts back. just amazing that you have all had similar responses - i hope that i would never be that insensitive. every child is such a gift and every day we have with them is a privilege! (hormones/sentimental fool)

aww Shrub, you poor thing. I hope your parents soften up when they see your other 2 cuddling the new bundle!

Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS

I was one of 3 for a long time, before 2 late additions (5 IS a tad mad). With 3, there's always a sibling you get on with. Also, unlike 2, it can be quite cool to be a 'mini gang'. My DH only has a sister who he spent his entire childhood tormenting (and still does!). Now there was a family that clearly needed extending!

Good luck - I hope you have a lot of fun

Sod 'em shrub. Got a similar reaction from dh's dad when we announced pg no 4, although come to think of it his mother has always, always asked "was it planned" or something similarly intrusive as her first comment whenever we've announced any of our pregnancies. It's really none of their business anyway - we're all adults for crying out loud. I would never dream of saying anything so negative, and it just amazes me that other people seem to think that the reaction that you might be looking for is anything other than congratulations when you tell someone you're expecting.

Much more fortunate in my parents who have always been welcoming of all my pregnancies, and actually, as they are fantastic in helping us out practically and financially, it's really brilliant of them - probably comes from the fact that my Dad is one of 11, so he's much more relaxed when it comes to "larger" families.

I hope that as your pregnancy progresses your relatives are more supportive. If not, tell them they should be.

lilymum - ELEVEN!!! wow - now your trying to make me feel inadequatemy inlaws came over this afternoon and were lovely, they actually made a toast to the baby. i'm so embarrassed because i started this thread in such a huff and it looks like they are slowly coming roundthanks again for all your lovely words.

Big congratulations shrub! People can be really strange cant they? I have 4 and peoples reactions to that are very odd. Youd think I had 54 from the shock/horror on their faces and the comments I get. Infact, I did get much the same reaction as you on my third, but there is hope. When i announced my 4th, everyone without exception laughed! Do you think it might have been out of happiness for me? Not a hope. Anyway, the main thing is that this is what you both want, and everyone else will just have to fall into line. And they will. Soon they will all be just as excited as you Im sure.