Anyone else have stepchildren to tell?

[JoJoSaysHello]

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if any of you can share experiences of telling stepchildren about your pregnancy?

My OH has two children and we’ve never discussed our plans to have children with them, nor have they ever mentioned potential new siblings. They are both in secondary school so there will be quiet an age gap. Sometimes his DD gets jealous of our relationship & displays attention seeking behaviour so I’m nervous to say the least!!

Advice please!

Hi we are in the same boat, we have a daughter together but my step children were younger when we told them about her so didn’t seem so daunting this time round both teenagers and like yours show different behaviour depending on there mood to us and there half sister.

We are going to wait till the scan day then get them together to share what is happening, we have got our youngest a T-shirt as she’s been asking for a baby for years so know she will be excited and going to try and get them to help us tell her so it adds a bit of excitement. I mean this could go totally wrong and they could storm out but I know how much they love their sister now although at first the eldest wouldn’t even be in the same room as her (lot of jealously of why does she live with you and I don’t which wasn’t our doing but how it had to be) so I know in time they will get use to idea and welcome baby into there lives.

Hope this helps a little I would try not to worry as initial behaviour does not always mean thats how they are going to be for ever, so even if their behaviour is a bit disheartening at first in time they will come around, took until our daughter was ‘fun’ and could play, so around 4-6 months mark, and that was it eldest was there all the time to help. Best of luck!

My partner has two teenage children. The 13 year old is really young for his age and can be quite difficult with me so I agonised about this for ages.

In the end, he took the older one (19, away at uni) out for the day and told him, then told the younger one on a different day whilst on a walk with his brother. He decided it’d be best if I wasn’t present (neither of the boys have been all that nice or welcoming to me over the past four years) and he wanted to handle it on his own.

Tbh I don’t think it was the right thing to do. He told me they both took it well but I can’t know for sure - it just doesn’t get mentioned now and I do feel quite on my own with it all.

I think with hindsight we should have sat down as family and explained we’d be more of a family and fielded questions together.

Do you think it might help to tell all of them together? If your daughter knows before the older ones and has a T-shirt, that might seem a bit insensitive to them? She can always have the T-shirt at a later date but I think it would be received better if you do it all together or even tell the older ones first and give them time to process it, before they have a super excited younger sister adding to the pressure, as I think it is huge news to digest.

That was a bit of a waffle, sorry! There’s no right way in this situation (but many wrong ways it seems!) so you have to do what works for your family.