23, single and pregnant and not sure what to do

[Nicole159]

Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting here and I guess I just need some thoughts, advice or to hear someones similar experience!

I have just found out I am pregnant, I only missed my period yesterday but decided to test today as I am usually like clockwork.
The father is a 'friends with benefits' kind of friend, he is a great guy and a good friend I have known for a few years - however I am unsure how he will react to this news as he has even previously mentioned how he never wants children.

Also, in the last couple of weeks I have been back in touch with my ex who wants to start things up again, and that is something I would like to do. We were together for over 2 years and we broke up last November but I still love him and think things could work again.

However, obviously now this news has completely thrown me. How am I supposed to tell my ex who I am starting to see again that i'm pregnant with another mans baby?

As you can probably tell, this pregnancy was an accident. I always use condoms, but somehow this has happened. Because of my own stupidity and ignorance I fell pregnant when I was 17 and decided on abortion. (i'm now 23). It was one of the most awful experiences of my life and I don't know if I could go through with it again.

I haven't told anyone yet, i'm really just trying to get my head around it myself before I do so. I guess I just need some advice. I'm not ready for a baby, and I always thought (as i'm sure many women do but it doesn't always work that way) that when I got pregnant it would be planned, and I would be in a loving relationship, financially stable, my own house... and I have none of those things. I didn't expect to have a baby for at least a few more years, there were things I wanted to do first. But at the same time I don't think I could have another abortion, and I know I will love the baby and things would just have to fall into please. Also I really want things to work with my ex, I would never contemplate abortion purely for the sake of my relationship with him, but it's hard to know that he is probably not going to stick with me through my pregnancy with another man and after the child is born.

Please don't judge me, I just need to hear some advice..
Thank you
Nicole

Hi there

I saw your post and I wanted to offer you a handhold and to say that you aren't alone!

How are you feeling now that you've had an afternoon to let the news sink in?

I believe that relationships do work out if they are meant to be - try not worry about your ex for now.

Is there someone in real life that you would be able to confide in?

Hi didn’t want to read and run , have you told the father yet ? You could co parent and carry on being friends everything could work out just fine . Could be a trick conversation with your ex thou

Tricky not trick !

Hi OP
Sorry that you are in such an anxious and difficult situation. Can I ask why your previous abortion was so traumatic for you? It doesn't have to be, especially given the very early stage you are at. Not that I'm suggesting that outcome but it would be good if your choice was freely made rather than 'I can't cope with a) so it'll have to be b). Yes you will love the baby and things will fall in to place but the impact on your life, freedom and opportunities will be significant. Do you have anyone IRL to talk it through with? Have a handhold to be going on with.

Ur options are;

1. Keep the baby and be a single mum and probably not be able to resume a relationship with ur ex but perhaps love being a mother.

1. Have an abortion and most likely have an experience that’s not pleasant ( from what you’ve said ) but be single and able to resume a relationship with ur ex

Ultimately you have to make the decision; either one will have its pros and cons but YOU have to decide

Personally I would have an abortion but that’s me.

How involved is the father ? Are u financially strong enough because then go for it ! X

Hi OP, sorry you're going through such an awful situation
I agree with *@izekiah although it sounds a little harsh those are your 2 options and you need to decide which one you want. I have a 3 month old baby, who i love to bits but it's hard going. I'm happily married and in my 30's, I really couldn't imagine it being very enjoyable being single and early 20's, I'd personally have an abortion and get a more reliable form of contraception.
Wish you all the best whatever you do

@Nicole159 Hi hun, sorry your feeling this way! I just wanted to say I have a little boy who's now 4, nearly 5. I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant and me and the baby's father broke up when I was 20 weeks pregnant, I was scared and worried, still living at my parents house but I did it and it's the best thing I ever did. I absolutely love it, he's my best friend and I wouldn't change anything!! I'm now 25 with an amazing little boy, own home, and we are doing fine!
I just wanted to say you do what's best for you and whatever you want, don't let anyone tell you different, it's your life. Good luck sweetie 🎀 xxx