Hello ladies, thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and really struggling with my mental health. I had 2 MC last year and prior to that my partner messed me around for 3 years whilst I was desperately broody so my experiences of pregnancy so far have not been good. My LMP was 7/11 and I believed myself to have ovulated between 25/28th November due to CM and generally feeling it! I got my positive on dec 10th and my first scan was dec 25th when I was dated back by 2 weeks from 7 weeks to 5 and told that EPU measure from conception, actual fetal age. At this scan we had a HB. Next scan was dated 9+2 which was after the point my last pregnancy had stopped progressing so up until this point my obsession was making it past this week. As soon as this scan was over and baby was still viable I literally had the most epic breakdown. I started to wonder about the dates - how could I be 9 weeks on 18/1 ? It didn’t tally to my conception dates! Then I dragged up a night out I had been on, on 11th nov during the last few days of my period. I went for drinks with a married couple and back to see their new house as they had just moved back from overseas. We drank listened to records, I got too drunk and asked for a cab and my friend said he put me in a cab and paid taxi man. I woke up the next day and couldn’t remember getting home - I felt the usual alcohol related fear but didn’t think anything sexual had happened to me at all I just felt shady as I do when I’ve been too drunk. I mean I let myself in my house with my key, completely intact, got undressed in the bathroom and got in bed next to my partner without saying a word. But now I am thinking I must have been assaulted, I ring EPU and this is not helped by the nurse telling me my dates are impossible and I must have conceived during my period. WOW. The anxiety at this point is borderline insanity- i actually call my childhood friend and ask him if he did anything to me that night, obv in front of his WIFE. He was really upset by me asking but once I explained he was really sweet and spoke to me for a while trying to help. I then moved on to “it must have been the taxi man”. And that’s where I’ve sat for the last 8 weeks. Sometimes I know it’s not true as I know in my heart I just got a cab home with no event. Yes I can’t remember but I feel that was due to being drunk and tired and going into autopilot, I was able to walk and undress and get into bed I feel sure I could have come to enough to fight off a rapist or tell my partner I had been attacked so I know it’s my anxiety and hormones making me think this. It’s reallt spoiling my pregnancy and I am at my wits end. I feel so sad and alone, I’ve even considered abortion as a way to stop feeling this way which is the last thing on the planet I want to do and I know when I came to from the procedure I wouldn’t survive the loss. I don’t understand how everyone else is dated with an extra 2 weeks of unpregnant time added in but I am dated from “conception” ? I’ve asked so many professionals about this and it’s like I’m speaking in tongues. Someone at a 12 scan has a fetal age of 10 weeks but I “must have conceived during my period” whyyyyy? If I were rational I would be able to think past this but I’m stuck. When I look at my partner I get sad as I feel like he is living a lie with me and the Rapey taxi mans baby 
it’s such an ingrained feeling which I think is tied to my previous mc and fear of it happening again and also fear of pregnancy in general, change, being a mum and labour. I’m doing meditation, positive affirmations, yoga, I’m trying to do CBT on myself by treating the intrusive thoughts in different ways as they arrive. I don’t know if I can do 5 more months of this I’m exhausted and so low. Anyone have any input for me? Sorry for long post! Thank you.