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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Trying to conceive

14 replies

Milliejay06 · 10/03/2019 10:50

Hi
Me and my partner have decided to try for a baby but everything seems to be against us our age , health , no jobs , families against us I don’t know if I’m setting myself up for more heart break .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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EnjoyItAll · 10/03/2019 11:55

my initial concern would be the no job front. before even considering a baby I would want a regular income. if you don't have jobs your family are probably concerned they will be funding it. with health is it long term condition that will have an effect? if so seek advice from a go. age is irrelevant if your an adult in my opinion but if you live at home with parents I can totally see why it's an issue for them

JasonGideon · 10/03/2019 11:58

I don’t think there is a “right” time for a baby, but why have you decided to try? Are you looking to fill a hole? Maybe investigate that first.

Justus22 · 10/03/2019 11:58

Personally I wouldn't plan to bring a baby into the world without stability. How old are you? Love is the number 1 thing a baby needs of course but practically they need and deserve happy parents, a warm and comfortable home, and 24 hr care. Don't get me wrong if you were pregnant I'd reassure you, you'd manage and give practical advice but I'd not advise you try for a baby with no income and poor health, as a couple you may like the idea of having a baby together, as wonderful as it is to be blessed with a child it is by no means easy or a fairytale in terms of lifestyle especially if you have no income. If you really want this then I'd work on improving your circumstances and then maybe you'll gain support of your families.

JasonGideon · 10/03/2019 12:02

Oh OP I meant to say before, remember you are not just having a baby you are bringing a person into the world who will need love, support and shelter for the next however many years! I moved back in with my parents at 27 so it’s not a short term commitment.

Original poster

Milliejay06 · 10/03/2019 13:16

We have a home that we rent , my health is im in recovery , my partner hopes to return to work soon, age is relivant as I’m over 40 , maybe we are trying to fill a gap, I don’t know I just know wish we had met years ago

OP posts:

Justus22 · 10/03/2019 15:34

OP having read your last post your circumstances don't sound so bad and I'd thought you were younger so perhaps had more time to make things better before ttc. If your partner gets back into work and your health is recovering and it's what you want then I'd go for it, at 40 it's not your family's choice, although their support would be helpful. Would pregnancy be likely to hinder your recovery at all? I only ask as some don't have an easy time in pregnancy physically or mentally, each of mine have been difficult for different reasons but not many people report feeling amazing when pregnant. First time motherhood is a huge shock to most people's system too and most mums I know felt overwhelmed and more exhausted as they got older (I'm not much younger than you in early 30s just about) and I haven't found this time so easy I must admit in terms of tiredness and aches and pains and I'm active and healthy weight etc. I'm not trying to put you off at all, just trying to put across the health implications. I can see why you're unsure but I also think that if you want to start a family badly enough you will find a way to work through the obstacles.x

Original poster

Milliejay06 · 10/03/2019 16:08

Hi
It would help my recovery as it wouldn’t be safe to drink

OP posts:

Justus22 · 10/03/2019 17:41

Ah I see. I guess only you know yourself if you're in the right place for such a life changing step. A close friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic, doing really well but not quit completely (she can't) her family are grown, she wouldn't cope with a baby now despite her good place and her children have been through more than they should've. It might not be the same for you i don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not being judgemental but get some professional support and don't rush into the decision. Hope you're OK.x

Original poster

Milliejay06 · 10/03/2019 18:03

I’ve been sober since early December and no intention of ever drinking again I lost to much coz of it

OP posts:

CatSmize · 10/03/2019 19:25

Oh OP, I don't want to sound harsh but please don't create a life in those circumstances. This is a real person that will possibly grow up in poverty if neither of you are working and with a parent that is an alcoholic - possibly in recovery, possibly not. If having a child stopped alcohol addiction, there would be no babies born with FAS and no childhoods ruined by alcohol, but that's just not the case.

Well done for stopping drinking, I mean that, but it's only been a few months. I know time isn't on your side but better to start trying in a year's time when you are both more stable than now. At the moment you have no way of providing for a child and could possibly relapse, although I really hope you don't.

Despite what people say, a child needs more than love. Watch documentaries about children going up in poverty and with parents struggling with addictions and it will bring tears to your eyes.

Just think for a second why your families are both against you. Do you think they get a kick from sabotaging your happiness or could it be that they are genuinely concerned that, realistically, you're not in the right place to give a child everything it needs?

raindropsinspring · 10/03/2019 19:31

@Milliejay06
Don't want to sound harsh but being sober since December is no time at all And wouldn't be fair to bring a child into that kind of environment - goes without saying children need stability and cost a lot of money as well as love. I'm sure you've got the "love" side sorted but getting pregnant, being pregnant and being a parent is emotionally, physically, financially draining and it doesn't sound like you're really in a place at the moment to deal with any of those 4 things x

YepImafraidImgivingmyopinion · 10/03/2019 19:36

OP- it doesn't sound like the right time at all, you're in the early stages of sobriety. Seems like you're trying to fill a void.

Give it some time, get yourself completely we'll, create stability with jobs etc and then revisit.

Original poster

Milliejay06 · 11/03/2019 10:19

Thankyou for the advice everyone I don’t believe I’m trying to fill a void but I can see why people think it.
I’ve wanted to be a mom for longer than you can imagine but never met anyone I truelly trusted , unlike most of my friends I didn’t leave home untill two years ago never had a serious partner .
My chances are very slim and I know the risks all to well all I know is if my pregnancy last year had been successful I’d be a mom to 2 month old now

OP posts:

JasonGideon · 11/03/2019 10:45

In think go for it then, OP!

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