Any advice for a young 1st time mum?

[MayaLH]

I found this website and thought it would be a great place to talk to other mums to get advice as I’m only 18 and currently pregnant with my 1st (due 2nd May) and I’m both excited yet also nervous. I’ve been preparing a lot for when she’s here but am still worried that I’ll have no idea what to do? Anyone else had their first quite young?

Congratulations! What sort of advice are you looking for?

Just advice on birth and any tips on caring for a baby during the first few weeks because that’s what I’m most nervous for. I know that the first few weeks will be the hardest as it’ll all be so new for me.

I would say:
Don’t pressure yourself to get in a routine with baby’s sleep and don’t compare baby’s sleep pattern to others they are all different.

The lack of sleep is very, very real and you will have moments when you think “What the hell have I done.” This is totally normal.

Have a basket of nappies on the changing table and close to hand!

Thank you so much, already have a stock of nappies ready as I’ve been warned that I’ll need a lot 😂

Don't stock up too much on nappies. They suddenly jump up a size!

What are your hopes for the birth? Have you looked into pain relief options?

Looking after babies in the first few weeks isn't that hard - feed them a lot, change them a lot , let them sleep a lot.

I would love to try to have as natural a birth as possible but I don’t have the best pain tolerance so I’ll probably use gas and air at first but if it comes to it I would consider an epidural

Congratulations! Main advice I give is that envelope vests come off downwards. When they have their first it's absolutely everywhere poo that's definitely worth remembering!

I had my first at 17. I would advise everyone has a birth horror story. Don't listen to it! Don't let it stress you out. It's true that once your baby is placed in your arms any pain you may have felt will mean nothing compared to how worth it you'll feel it was. Accept any help you're offered and don't be afraid to ask for support but also know you're mum and you'll know baby best. Some people will probably look at you like you have 3 heads for being a young mum, leave them to it. You birthed a human. You are awesome! My final piece of advice is just enjoy it. It's true that it goes by way too fast. My eldest is now 20! Congratulations and good luck.

Also. If you think you've got enough bibs get some more. Babies go through so many of those things! 😂

Wow 20 that’s crazy! And I know what you mean about the birth horror stories, I hear them all the time. Doesn’t help that my older sister had her baby last year and unfortunately had quite a traumatic birth but luckily I’d find now ❤️

Had the worst nights sleep last night, baby was super active and it was a bit difficult to breath due to me having Polyhydramnios 😞

Noone really knows what they are doing the first time so don't worry too much. I was 34 and didn't really know what I was doing!!! Take all the help you can!! Congratulations xx

I had one at 24 and one at 29. Helpful knowledge for me for the second was that contractions are somehow worse than crowning. When you are actually giving birth the knowledge that if you just push really fucking hard it will soon be over. Contractions can seem endless (but theyre not).
I had gas and air and a tens machine. The tens machine seemed useless at first but it actually made a difference. It may seem like you cant do it but you can. Just take it a minute at a time.

Do you have a birth partner?

Read birth skills by Juno Sudin.

Sorry Juju Sundin.

Take all the cuddles you can, you can't spoil the baby by having extra cuddles despite what people tell you! A cuddled attached baby can help with their development and attachment as they grow. Enjoy baby while they are little.

Remember each phase of them growing does pass, the sleepless nights, pains of teething, colic.

Be kind to yourself, you grew a tiny human! That's amazing!!

People will tell you to get stuff and you think why do I need it but then your baby will go through a development stage where you find you likely need the stuff. (Though I still haven't used any of the cardigans and hoodies I've acquired.)

Oh and accept hand me downs/second hand stuff thankfully. They grow very quickly and you may go through an explosive poo stage, so being able to chuck some stuff away because it is coated is a god send.

Can't help you much with the birth as mine was easy even though I was induced, but having a birth partner who knows their job is to stand up for you when the midwives are saying "She shouldn't be in this stage..." is vital. So at your age due to how some medical staff treat younger people I would get an older adult e.g. mum, aunt, mil to be a partner as well as the baby's father.

I found hypnobirthing amazing. It helped my keep control throughout the labour and birth. Have a google and see what you think.

Muslin cloths are a must and if you're planning to breastfeed, Lansinoh nipple cream is a life saver!

Just take it day by day and don't expect too much of yourself or your baby. You'll both be learning together. Xx

I had my first son at 20, he is now 9! Looking back advice I would give myself - don't doubt yourself or your decisions - I felt quite nervous being a young mum and it made
Me doubt myself and felt people were judging me - in reality people from all walks of life (especially in school) are not judgemental at all, age doesn't mean you are automatically a good or bad mum, I am a good mum and my children reflect that (most of the time anyway!)

Read lots of parenting books, ask for help - I found forums like this invaluable with feeding help, pregnancy worries etc etc and still use them now (just had my 4th baby!)

Enjoy every moment because it goes far too quickly!!

Spend the first 2 weeks in your pyjamas ( treat your self to a couple of new ones)

Don't rush out to visit people with baby , they can wait !

When visitors have out stayed their welcome tell them

Get a few packets of paracetamol ready for when your at home and get some table salt too so you can have some soothing salt water baths if you have any stitches ( these are blissful for a sore episiotomy)

Do lots of cooking for the freezer ready for the first few weeks dinners or stock up on some tasty ready meals

Don't listen to people advice that had babies many years ago as a lot of the advice is now outdated for safety reasons , just do your own research

Congratulations. I had my first at 18 and have just had my 3rd and last at 31. It's hard no matter what age, I found it as nerve wracking this time as I did back then.

If you have stitches, take a jug of water to pour over yourself when you pee!

Accept all the help you are offered, family are (hopefully) well meaning and it will help you adjust to life with a baby.

The health visitor is only at the end of the phone if you need any advice, that's what they are there for.

Ask a family member to help you out the first time you bath baby- that's probably the thing that worried me the most. They could show you how to (sounds daft but I honestly needed to be shown this) or just be there for moral support.

Leave the umbilical cord well alone- I feel like I always worried about it way too much

Your first night home from hospital will be the worst for you but every subsequent one will be better than the last as you get used to being a mum.

Don't feel pressured in to doing anything you don't feel is right for you or the baby, I feel like this happens a lot regardless of your age.

IF you do find your self struggling ask for help, family/ health visitor/ gp- no one will judge you over it.

Mostly enjoy every second with your baby- it sounds like your making every effort to prepare for the reality of her birth, you will do just fine.

Take all advice with a pinch of salt, including mine, every ones experiences are different.

I had my first at 18. My best advice is don't put any pressure on yourself to "get it right", parenting is a big learning curve no matter whether you're 17, 27 or 37. Take labour each step as it comes, if you feel like the pain is unbearable don't feel like you're any less of a woman for asking for medication (I had the vision I was going to go fully natural, ended up having everything available!) Most of all - enjoy! I'm presuming you have a good support network? If not then maybe joining a baby/mum to be group would be beneficial as the main problem I had was feeling lonely and bored stuck at home alot. Congratulations too!

Breastfeeding is hard going to start with but if you stick with it it’s much easier - no sterilising, mixing formula, carrying round bottles when you’re out. Get a sling (stretchy wraps are great for new babies). Accept that you’re going to get f-all sleep for the foreseeable future once your baby arrives because nobody seems to warn you about that, but babies do sleep eventually, it’s better to safely co-sleep than risk falling asleep on the sofa or somewhere else unsafe so if it comes to it that’s an option. You can’t cuddle a baby too much and regardless of what people may tell you, you can’t spoil a baby with too much love and attention. I can’t recommend The Gentle Parenting Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith enough, it’s very helpful and full of sensible advice.

Thank you for all your advice and kind words, it really is very appreciated. Yes I do have a birthing partner (I’m not with the baby’s dad but we ended on good terms and he’s very involved) and lots of support from friends and family which makes it much easier.