Trying again after 2 losses

[mumLeo86]

Hi, this is my first MN post. I’m currently on early days (about 6wks) and I don’t have any kids yet, but this is my third attempt!

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in March last year and then a termination at 12 weeks in October due to the baby being diagnosed with Anencephaly

This time the symptoms I’m getting are far more reminiscent of the 2nd pregnancy (tired and sick) which is good as long as there’s no major NTD this time...first preganancy had no symptoms except light bleeding which some people say is normal. Obviously for me it was actually bad news!

This time I’m so torn between being optimistic or pessimistic. I don’t want to get my hopes up but don’t want to stress myself out either!! Has anyone been there and done that?

We had multiple miscarriages before having our twins (we already had an older DC). I’m afraid I didn’t stop worrying about the pregnancy until they were in my arms and then the worry just shifts to something else!

The odds really are in your favour though and I really regret not allowing myself to enjoy my pregnancy.

I hope it all goes well for you

Sorry for your losses. We had our son and then 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks and one at 9. I’m now 39 weeks and I am still waiting for something to go wrong. It is so hard but all you can do is literally take things a day at a time, It took me until I was in the 30s to let myself buy anything.

Talk about how you’re feeling and cry when you need to. You’re so strong to have gotten through what you already have, you can do this. Just look after yourself and chat to your midwife, I know mine has been unbelievably supportive xx

@chunk9, I do feel that even if things go well this time I won’t want anyone to throw me a baby shower until the baby is out! nothing that could possibly jinx it!

It’s just hard sometimes seeing other people so carefree about it- a woman sitting next to me at work announced her twins at only 6 weeks and I was in knots on her behalf!! But naturally she was fine... me and hubs do feel that life keeps rubbing it in our faces with people around us just popping them out constantly with no trouble. Of course I don’t want others to have trouble but it is a punch to the gut every time.

It’s very hard not to feel like that. You know it’s nobody else’s fault and you’re just jealous it’s working out for them but it didn’t for you- but all logic goes out the window, you’re heartbroken and you want your baby. Nothing anyone can say helps. A couple of my closest friends had babies around the time of both my miscarriages and getting excited for them was just so hard.

But try and see this time as totally separate. I refused to think of myself as pregnant until 12 weeks (even after a reassurance scan at 8). Even then wouldn’t tell anyone until after 20. The sad fact is until you’re holding that baby in your arms you won’t believe it’s happening, well that’s how I feel anyway. I’ve tried to enjoy this pregnancy but it’s always been- if she comes safe, if things work out ok.

I also refused a baby shower by the way.

Have you told many people this time?

I’ve told my parents&sister, as I would be telling them if I lose it anyway. Told my bosses at work because they were incredibly supportive in my previous escapades (both of which required an ERPC in hospital). And told 2 good friends who know about my previous issues.

One of those friends I feel so bad for- when she announced her pregnancy to me I’d just lost my first, and when she announced the birth I’d just lost the second! I was always happy for her and told her as much, but it must be a downer to tell someone and get their awful news in exchange (twice)!

Hey op I'm in a similar boat to you. I've had two kc's. It's very early days and I'm 5+5 now. I keep having days when I'm feeling really optimistic and others where I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. I keep trying to remember statistically there's a very good chance I'll hold a baby at the end of it. Other than dp I've not told anyone and don't plan to until I've had my 12 week nhs scan. I'm going to book an early scan for 8 weeks, to reassure me. All we can do is think positively. 💐

*mc's