How to make the wait easier??

[Wannabemumma95]

Hey everyone, I’m new here Well, I say I’m new, but I’ve spent hours trawling through some threads on here for years trying to find someone in my boat. Without much luck, I took the plunge and thought I’d just ask people myself in my own thread

So I’m 23, almost 24, I work full time and earn a decent wage I guess. I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years, we have a very happy and solid relationship, we’re so lucky to have each other. For as long as I can remember I’ve dreamed of having a family of our own, and as the years pass, I find myself more and more desperate to have our own baby. OH says he wants to wait until we’ve bought our own place (right now we live in a little annex on the side of his parents house). I do get where he’s coming from, and I do want to be in a good position when we start a family, but I’m so so tired of waiting I’ve had severe broodiness since I was like 18! I’m watching all my friends and people our age have babies of their own, some even have two, and I just feel so left behind. I also feel extremely jealous, because I know we’re in a much better position financially, relationship wise and I know we would be so happy. All I think about daily is having a baby, I mention it all the time but OH just won’t budge until we have our own home.

How can I make the waiting easier? I feel like every month that passes is just more and more painful, I often think of the time I’m wasting that I could be spending with a baby of my own. I also really worry about the future, my mums getting older etc. I just feel like I’m so ready, and other than the house front, OH has said he would love nothing more. We won’t be buying a house for at least another couple of years, I don’t know how I’m going to wait that long I know I’m still relatively young, but I’ve worked full time since I was 16 and we’ve funded all of the travelling we could ever dream of. I’m so ready to settle down now, and our own little baby would be the greatest adventure .. any advice out there? Xx

Awwww. It sounds like you have a lot of maternal feelings that need an outlet! How about getting a pet? Looking into becoming foster parents?

@FurrySlipperBoots Haha I do! I honestly feel like being a mumma is what I want to do with my life. I can't think of anything more heart fulfilling I do have a dog who I can actually cradle like a baby, I think that's the closest I'll get for a while lol x

To be honest the only thing that helped me was finding a new hobby and giving myself goals to work towards. Distracting myself was the only way lol 😂

If he won't budge u have to respect his wishes too, if there is any leeway and u could still afford to save for a mortgage on a maternity wage and his wage I would say just bloody do it! No hobby in the world will fill that void

Crunch the numbers and see if you have to wait, go to your bank and see what you would be loaned based on kid or no kid... what deposit do you have now you can get a house with as low as a 5% deposit ( though rates are higher)

What are you both saving each month for your house and make sure they are in the right accounts help to buy isa’s Or life time isa’s are good ones to look into as you get a government bonus.... basically free money once you have brought your home.

I conceived my first at 24, after only ever wanting children since I could remember.
I was with a man who had had his kids already and didn't want any more at all.
Like you, it killed me every month and then my friends got pregnant again and again and I just felt heart broken and empty.
I just told him the truth about how much I really wanted children and how it was my dream to be a mum.
Here I am now overdue with my second! But that's absolutely it! He says I've pushed my luck with these two not that you could tell if you watched him with our dd. Besotted. 😉 But he loves me that much and says f the expense, if you're always waiting for the 'right' time then you will be waiting your whole life. You make the time right for you and work with what you have

Thank you so much for all of your replies @Sweetpea15 @Bigonesmallone3 @Middlrm

it's just nice to know I'm not alone, I already feel a little bit easier knowing other women have felt this way. We're about half way to our £20k deposit, we both have help to buy ISAs too so the bonuses will definitely help get us there a little bit quicker. My partner says the second our deposit is down on our own little place, we can get cracking

Of course I respect his wishes, I know it's as much his decision as it is mine, its his life too. I sometimes wish it would just happen because I know he would be over the moon and we would make it work, but I'm on the pill and would never tamper with it. I know OH just wants to give me and our future little ones the best and most settled life possible so I think I am just going to have to wait. It just hurts when I see people our age who don't work, have been together for a few months and split up every week, having the privilege of having their own babies and we don't. Sigh..

@Echomama its so nice to know you felt the same, I'm so happy you got your dream family! I know how happy you must feel. I can't wait until it's my turn

Building financial stability and security will make your life and that of your future children so much easier. I had periods of major broodiness and my husband did not want to start trying until we had a house. He was right. We’ve been able to have a far easier life with more money behind us than if we had had children 5-6 years earlier. You are still really young so have time on your side in terms of fertility.

It is really hard when one of you is ready and the other isn’t but the best advice I could give is to use this time to focus on your career and try to get yourself into a position where you have as many options as possible re flexible working, good maternity package etc if you know kids are on the cards soon.