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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Attending a wedding after birth

47 replies

mrsk28 · 06/03/2019 20:35

Myself and DH are invited to a wedding 3 weeks after my due date and I'm wondering whether it would be feasible to attend or not. The invites are being sent out this week and I'll need to RSVP in advance so not sure what to do.

It's a good friend of mine who's getting married and she said I can bring the baby because she understands it would be too difficult to leave him so soon. The wedding is around a 40 min drive away.

It's my first pregnancy so looking for advice from people who have already had babies - would you have been able to attend a wedding so soon after giving birth??

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jojo895 · 06/03/2019 20:42

I’ve got a three week old DD, and there’s no way I’d want to go to a wedding at the moment! We’re still getting used to having a little one in the house and some days I’m not dressed until midday if DD is particularly clingy that day.
Don’t forget your little one may be overdue, and if the birth doesn’t go to plan ( I hope it does for you but mine definitely didn’t! ) your little one might only be a week old.
It’s personal preference but for me at the moment it’s enough just to get to the shop for milk let alone go to a wedding!

Kindlethefourth · 06/03/2019 20:45

I went to one a week after having DD1 by ECS two hours away with an overnight stay. It was lovely. Lots of people holding her and relaxed bride and groom about her being there. She was bottle fed which made it easier. Really enjoyed it.

PuzzlingPuzzle · 06/03/2019 20:45

If you go overdue your baby could be only a week or so old! As it wouldn’t be fair to leave the couple hanging when they presumably need to confirm numbers and it would be even worse to cancel at short notice I think you need to politely decline.

Kindlethefourth · 06/03/2019 20:46

Sorry a MONTH. After having DD1 not a week.

Hugtheduggee · 06/03/2019 20:46

I'd w have a chat with her and basically give her the choice of either you being a 'probably' but if you go very overdue or have a difficult birth, you'd have to back out, if if she preferred you to say no now, given how expensive weddings are.

I had ax planned section, and would have been fine to attend at 3w, and in hindsight, well enough within a week. But with a natural birth, you could go 2 weeks over, then be induced with a long labour, recovery eyc, so it's possible you'd only have recently got home, in which case going would be unlikely.

Equally, you could give birth a couple of weeks early and baby will be 5w.

Basically, you can hope to go, but you can't give any guarantees, so it depends on how your friend feels about that.

And before someone inevitably mentions that you'll be 'bleeding and leaking', again you may be passing big clots and soaking through lots of pads, and leaking everywhere, or you may never leak and your lochia be no worse than a period, and over already. Things vary so much.

Personally I'd give it a shot though (and have said yes to social stuff within a similar time for my next baby).

CIT80 · 06/03/2019 20:48

I attended a family wedding when my son was 10 days old he was my 3rd baby though so he did just have to slot into family life straight away. I would accept the invite and plan to go but if you end up not making it I’m sure your friend would understand x

pastabest · 06/03/2019 20:49

I went to a wedding with DC2 age 12 DST's old.

It was ok, the hard work bit was finding a dress suitable for feeding in and finding opportunities for feeding/ changing nappies/ maternity pads in a mainly outside venue with little privacy and portaloos.

If it's in a nice hotel or something you will be fine if you are otherwise feeling fine and up and about generally anyway.

InDubiousBattle · 06/03/2019 20:50

Decline. With ds we were still dealing with feeding issues, getting his tongue tie snipped, not sleeping at all, crying quite a lot, bleeding quite a lot.......not really wedding ready. With dd I had a much easier birth and a much easier start to bf but I still wouldn't have wanted to go to a wedding! Also, you could go overdue and have a one week old.

spugzbunny · 06/03/2019 20:50

I would totally go. Tiny babies are very portable. Just pack lots of nappies and a change of clothes and make sure you wear something easy to discretely feed in if you are breastfeeding.

Annie2311 · 06/03/2019 20:58

Sack it off! You’ll barely remember it and you should just be kind to yourself and not put that extra pressure to get somewhere/be presentable etc. I was so anxious to keep all social stuff going when I had my first baby that I ended up getting really blue. Second time around I had a week in bed, then a week on the sofa, then started to venture out to things I felt totally happy and comfortable doing. Stay home, eat Toblerone and watch a box set then take them for a nice dinner somewhere down the line x

1987Laura · 06/03/2019 21:02

I'm due 9th April and my Dad's wedding is 4th May. I HAVE to go. I'm dreading it as i'm going to look and feel horrendous

Teddyreddy · 06/03/2019 21:04

I'd be hesitant to give a definite yes if it's your first. Babies are often late, there is a significant chance you'll have an episiotomy and be very sore for 2 to 3 weeks after the birth, and it's very possible the baby is confused about day and night when it's first born so you are running on no sleep.

I'd check when the bride needs to give final numbers to the venue by though. In our case it was 2 weeks before the wedding - and if it's it's that short you should have a much better idea of if you'll be able to make it or not (ie whether baby has been born yet or not).

fillmyglassplease · 06/03/2019 21:05

I had a difficult birth and went to a close relatives wedding when baby was 4 weeks old. I just had to get on with it but it was horrendous. I think it depends how important being at the wedding is to you.

foobio · 06/03/2019 21:06

I attended a friend's wedding with my 6 day old (born 2 weeks overdue). We had discussed and they were happy with a 'probably' rsvp that we might need to drop out at short notice. Luckily I had an easy birth and felt up to it, and we had a lovely time, newborns are very portable! (But it could easily have swung the other way if I'd had a difficult birth or struggled bf etc etc)

Bees1 · 06/03/2019 21:07

3 weeks after giving birth (and mine was traumatic) yes for a few hours I’d have probably managed BUT DS was 2 weeks late so would I have managed a week after giving birth, absolutely no way!

momomia · 06/03/2019 21:09

I went to a wedding when my baby was 8 weeks old and looking back I wish I had declined. I was struggling with feeding, felt a mess and couldn't bear anyone holding her - lots of people smoking outside, drunk people wanting a cuddle, bride and groom wanted photos with her... I nearly ripped my hair out and hated every second

themostouting · 06/03/2019 21:10

I attended a wedding the day after I had my first baby. We took two bags full of everything we could possibly need and the day flew by!

Definitely plan to go and, if you can't make it, I'm sure your friend will understand as she has already said that she understands it would be difficult to leave him.

It would be a shame to plan to miss out on such a special day of a good friend.

indigo13 · 06/03/2019 21:10

Definitely go. I went to one when dd was 6 days old, it was 3 hours away with overnight stay. It was great. You won't be up for partying but babies that young are indeed very portable and wedding friendly. Wear the baby in a sling and it'll probably sleep most of the time. I think you'd regret not going Smile

mamansnet · 06/03/2019 21:10

Could you just go to the evening do for an hour without the baby? Show your face, give her a hug then go

username121314 · 06/03/2019 21:11

What about suggesting to your friend to go in the evening? There's no way of knowing how you will feel 3 weeks pp. That way if you don't feel up for it, your friend won't lose out on any money and there won't be any pressure on you.

HeyMicky · 06/03/2019 21:13

I took DD1 to a friend's wedding at 13 days and DD2 to a family wedding at 3 weeks. It's very easy at that age. Make sure your DH helps. Get a dress/top and skirt you can feed in easily.

anniehm · 06/03/2019 21:15

I moved to another continent when dd was 6 weeks! The reality is that everyone is different, I had two newborn babies (under 4 weeks) at my wedding and it was fine, I was breastfeeding myself do we had a no men allowed room (due to outfits we had to take off clothes!) Other people have a much tougher birth, so I cannot speak for them, I only know that I was out and about after just a few hours and traveling across the country within 2 weeks. I think you may need to say yes but explain that if baby is late and the birth is difficult there could be a problem.

spacefrog35 · 06/03/2019 21:18

I did a family wedding with 5 day old dd. I didn’t do the ‘whole’ thing, basically just the wedding breakfast but it was fine. It also meant lots of family got to meet dd which was much better than them all wanting to visit!

user1474894224 · 06/03/2019 21:39

No way. I had a C-section with DS1. No way could I have coped with the drive that soon. (We were 42+1) - so would have been a week after. Also....DH wouldn't have wanted a newborn passed around that many people and all their germs! I would ask her if you feel up to it can you just pop in for a couple of hours....either during drinks reception or after the meal. - that way she won't lose out if you can't make it. But if you can you won't regret it.

user1471426142 · 06/03/2019 21:44

It depends on the type of wedding and how much they might lose if you can’t attend. We managed to go to one 4 weeks after my baby was born as she was 2 weeks early. I couldn’t have done it any earlier and we were all knackered but I’m glad we made it.

It was an informal wedding so they were happy for us to play it by ear but I would have fet bad being a ‘maybe’ for anyone paying per head if really it was quite unlikely I’d manage it.

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