36 weeks pregnant, bf doesn’t wanna help me with anything

[Idontknow777]

I’m really annoyed

Through my whole pregnancy, i was comfortable enough to do all the housework/whatever, never asked him to do anything except take out the trash & bring in 24 packs of water (which he’s good at doing the trash but not the water). I worked 9 hour shifts 5 days a week until I got really sick in December and I quit bc everyone around me was sick at work & had no regard for me being pregnant, my boss kept giving me crazy hours and wouldn’t let me leave etc when I was beat down, was just bad for baby.

So I haven’t worked for about 2 months. I do all the housework, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. I’m 36 weeks now & bending down is really hard for me, I’m out of breath a lot. A couple days ago when I was using my boyfriends car to pick us up take out food, it wouldn’t start and it’s 30 degrees where we live. Before this happened I was at the grocery store feeling dizzy and faint and just wanted to get home. Luckily I was able to call Uber to get home & then we drove back with my car (I wasn’t using mine bc the engine oil just went on) I went with him to wal mart to get a new battery and stood outside for 3/4 time he spent trying to figure out how fix his car so he could drive it back home. We also had a snowstorm warning to start that night & my dr appt was the next morning & a 90 min drive so I had to cancel it because I was exhausted, my cars engine light is on and he was able to jump his car but it needs an alternator and doesn’t start unless it’s jumped. I was prettt upset missing this appointment but he acted li it’s whatver, I rescheduled it tto Friday and he’s like can just skip the appt bc we have another one Monday & he has an appt frid to schedule his taxes & only have my car to use until it’s fixed.

I also through my entire pregnancy, drag him to the dr appts. He sleeps in the car sometimes (I drive both ways) and he is relly grouchy and moody and brings the mood down.. he didn’t start coming to them either until like halfway through my pregnancy. Instead of getting support I have to give him support about them.. irs really twisted. I don’t wanna be the driver anymore, I’m at the end of my pregnancy and rlly uncomfortable all the time.

Anyway, yesterday, when we got home from dinner on the way back I asked him to stop & get water becaus we had none left & I’d be could put gas in my car bc I had to be sent a new debit card & my car was on E so we needed gas to get home. When we got home I was really uncomfortable, I didn’t wanna go out to eat bc I wasn’t hungry but I did bc he wanted to & I was full & jusr pregnant blah blah. He said wanna put something on the tv Nd I asked if he could get me the remote bc I was uncomfortable and needed like 15 mins to lay down. He looked at me and really mean said “I’ve done eeveyrhjt for you this week I’m not doing every single thing to you” etc and made me cry .. all I ask him to do is bring in water/groceries. Even though I can’t bend over I clean blah blah, pick his dirty laundry off the floor when i can’t even bend to get it and carry it back and forth etc. l feel like this last weeks it would be nice if he could be a little bit helpful he pays our rent and stuff & I’m not working right now so I do everything without complaining but I have physical restraints right now and I don’t wanna hurt myself.

I also applied for food stamps for myself because he never gives me enough money for food and then makes a list of stuff he wants that ends up being all the money he gives me .. then I eat non nutritious junk I don’t want becaus it’s his money & he just want snacks bc he eats out most of the time while I eat like snacks and really bad stuff. :( I’m applying for cash assistance to bc he gives me attitude when I need money for anything.. it really sucks. All I do is go to the grocery store and housework and emotionally support him constantly and get nothing in return. I really appreciate him paying his rent but I’m so tired and exhausted of my lifestyle, so happy I have even a little bit of food stamps right now so i can eat better.. I don’t know what to do..

I cried last night and said leave me alone and went in our room and haven’t spoke since. I have to bring him to the car shop today but apparently he does everything for me even though I’m sitting here trying to find my own money everyday, taking care of everything & figure stuff out. Help :(

I think focus on having your baby and once you have recovered look at leaving him. Have you family who can help you?

Sadly I don’t have family who can help me. I’m not close with any of my family to be honest and none of them have money either or a place I could stay etc.

I don’t want to leave him but stuff like this makes me want to. I really really appreciate him supporting me and paying rent but I feel like I live like a slave & he eats so much better than me (only eats at home 10%of the time) while I just sit around and clean and do this and that I never get to do anything for me except when I beg him for money to get my nails done or something :(

You should have organised a monthly or weekly budget with him. If he isn't comfortable with you and the baby living off his money you have real big problems on the horizon. Your work sounds like it was shit but you've made yourself a house slave and he's treating you like one.

By the way, my very supportive husband has been to four of my seven scans and came to the hospital with me when I had to have a ct scan at 28 weeks. The appointments are about me and baby, not him. It's not unusual for men not to go?? So don't hold that one against him.

How old are you both?

He missed the first like 6 months of appointments including an ultrasound ... a lot
More than two apppintmenrs...
and i disagree i don’t think it’s just “me and the baby” it’s his baby too. He should know as much that’s going on as I do...and it would just make my life a lot better if he could drive to one at least there or back.. I’m exhausted.. I don’t hold it against him.. it just adds to the other problems that I feel like he’s unsupportive and
I’m tired of doing everything and I constantly support him emotionally.. he’s moody a lot and gets grouchy and I have to be there to make him feel better like 24/7 but I get nothing in return. I woke up today to go bring him to his and I feel nauseous and dizzy and I just don’t have energy to be my normal self. I still got myself ready , cleaned the kitchen, did a load of laundry, cleaned up after all the trash he left out, sweeped, I need to sit down after becaus I felt really really sick, I didn’t wanna talk bc im trying to keep myself from pukin or something and he wants to vent to me about his car and whatver ans jmxlike sorry I’m really nauseous right now if you don’t mind and gets annoyed that I can’t emotionally support him when he should be doing that for me ? Like I’m just sick of doing everything for him & then when I need support he’s mad that I need support and he doesn’t get any from me..

We’re 26.

I don’t know how ur comment was supposed to help it was a bit rude.
I legit could not work anymore. I was sick for three weeks with something that may have been the flu and my boss was still asking me to come in and work crazy hours when I was extremely
Sick and everyone at my
Work was also sick with the flu pneumonia everything and was still going in to work, my baby’s health is more Important than a job and my boyfriend Said he would support us..

So becaus I’m grateful For that, I made it my
Job to take care of everything I.e cleaning, laundry blah blah which I honestly did even when I was working too. The issue is now thar I’m at the end of my Pregnancy & I need help with stuff. But he still expects me to do everything and be like the maid. Pick up take out foods while he sits at home, grocery shop, blah blah. I feel sick if I do too much, and I don’t get any emotional support he gets mad when I can’t do everything and it’s just exhausting. I wish on the days I don’t feel great he could take care of me a bit I have one month left and I’m not usually like this but the past few days have been hard. Then he made that commennr he’s done everything for me becaus .. I asked him to pick my jacket up at the restaurant bc it fell Under the table
And I legit can’t get it. I asked him to put gas in my car on the way home because it’s on E and I had to get a new debit card sent through the mail I haven’t received. I asked him to bring in 24 pack of water because he doesn’t use the Brita; we had none left & sometimes I just buy a bunch of 6 packs of water and spend 10 min brining in groceries but I can’t carry 24 pack. Thts all I’ve asked him to do for me.. i still
Do everything else and I even waas stranded when his car broke down helped him get it started blah blah and I’m treated like this.. and then I get food stamps and am applying for cash assistance to make our life even easier & have him do less for me and he treats me like this still..

You have 2 choices. He is never going to change .
So you either decide to leave him and make a go of it on your own with your child. Or you stay with him and put up with the shitty way he treats you. Just make sure that you never ever have another baby with him.

I've had at least 17 appointments - those were just the scans I was talking about. I was just saying that I don't think it's part of the same issue as many men can't take the time off work to offer the (much wanted) support at every step with the medical side of things.

Your bf is still an ass.

And the relationship sounds unsupportive and immature, to me.

Agree that your options are to stay and put up with this man hold or go and try to rebuild your life... I'm sorry, but that's what it comes down to, as I'm sure you know.

I also applied for food stamps for myself because he never gives me enough money for food and then makes a list of stuff he wants that ends up being all the money he gives me .. then I eat non nutritious junk I don’t want becaus it’s his money
So he's financially abusive as well as being a twat. Does he have any positive points? Because it doesn't sound like it.

Nb. My partner has only attended scans, not my midwife appointments, which is perfectly normal. He doesn't need to be there to watch my wee being tested or blood pressure taken. That's the only unreasonable part of your post. The rest is as above: he's a twat. You'd be better off getting rid.

I think I'd probably just stay with him until I was able to get back to work, he's not going to change.

My h couldn't make it to all my midwife appointments, tbh.

I'm sorry that I was rude by why were you ever doing all the housework? you were both working and he was only taking out the bin! What a cushy life he's made for himself, paying nothing and getting everything picked up after him.

OP was this baby planned? Did you discuss roles and responsibilities beforehand or was it a surprise?
Either way it doesn't excuse his appalling behaviour, it just sounds like he isn't fussed at all about you or the baby.
He's financially abusing you as well which is just awful.
Is it possible to have a rational discussion with him at all?
To be honest if I was you I would leave.

He sounds horrendous. Is he going to help when the baby comes?! What if you have a c section etc and can’t be up and about? I think you need to have a frank conversation with him.... and not giving you enough money to eat sounds like it’s bordering on abuse... why on earth would he want to deprive you, carrying his child? I really think you need to chat to friends and family and try to have some local support for when the baby comes.

He sounds like an absolute nightmare - is this the man you want to be a father to your child??

You shouldn't be thankful to him for anything...the fact you don't hate him to me suggests that there is a level of abuse going on and he's got you nice and controlled like he wants.

You have to leave this toxic relationship. I'm guessing you live in the US though where there's no support for anyone so I don't know if that is possible.

If there is anyone else at all who can take you in, leave! Don't stay with an evil man. Don't let him raise your child.

Best of luck, OP really hope things work out for you!

Actually i believe men DO go to at least some of the appointments :S my partner went to all scans and a couple of midwifes.

Your partner sounds a bit harsh really, is he going to be so unhelpful when the baby arrives ? trust me babys are hard work and if he thinks he can act that way with one around then he is wrong and you need to be putting your food down.

I do think men just dont understand though, they dont understand how much pregnancy affects you and how hard it is sometimes.