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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Family doesn't approve of my pregnancy

12 replies

MkYeoman · 02/03/2019 14:26

So the title says it all, I'm about 7 weeks pregnant and the baby's dad has made it clear he wants nothing to do with the baby because it's "shameful" as he's 19 and has only just started his career in the RAF but says that if I abort the baby we can be together and live happily ever after basically. If that wasn't enough my family are also being awful about it - my father even called me an animal for being pregnant. I'm 20 years old, I am saving for a mortgage but don't have quite enough yet, I have a full time job which at the moment due to hypermesis and stress I've had to take time off. I just don't know what to do. I want my baby and I love it but I feel like I can't have it because everyone is against it. Has anyone had a similar situation and can anyone offer some advice or even comfort?Sad

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
CatSmize · 02/03/2019 14:53

Aww, sorry you're going through this Flowers No real advice but I just wanted to say that everyone is against it now because, in their opinion, you're young and have your whole life ahead of you and the situation is not ideal because the father isn't interested. They are making their feelings clear now because there is still time for you to choose a termination so I imagine they're hoping to convince you. What your dad said was disgusting. I'm sure it came from a place of disappointment that this changes all the dreams he had for you, which doesn't change the fact that what he said was awful.

However, you sound like you definitely want the baby so stick to your guns and remember that, as hard as it is now, once the baby is actually here, I'm pretty sure they will come round and support you. I very much doubt they'll still be so awful when it's a fait accompli and they have a lovely grandchild. And if they are, go it alone with your gorgeous child! You have the rest of your life to meet someone else who is mature enough to be a father.

Your family are disappointed and angry but stay postive, make plans and hopefully it will be contagious and they'll soon see what a great mum you'll be.

TwoRoundabouts · 02/03/2019 15:14

You want the baby so keep it.

Your family are disgraceful but some of them will come around when the baby is born and be helpful. People forget there is rarely a right time to have a baby. I know lots of couples who struggled to get pregnant once they had what appeared lije perfect lives on the outside.

In regards to the father - he may step up in the future or he may not but regardless you going to baby's sole parent for now.

HappyPunky · 02/03/2019 15:17

Let the midwives know what's happening as they may be able to help you access support.

Give the baby your last name too.

Flowers
CherryPavlova · 02/03/2019 15:27

Give your family time. It’s not a helpful reaction but it is probably an emotionally accurate one. I’d be seriously disappointed if any of mine were pregnant in such unsettled circumstances and wouldn’t be whooping with joy but I’d settle down, accept it was it it was and help as ,I have as possible. But it would take a little while for me to be delighted at such inconsequential behaviour.
We’re they not concerned at you being admitted with HG? I can’t imagine leaving my daughter in high hospital without showing concern.
You are only seven weeks. Time enough for them to get used to the idea.

physicskate · 02/03/2019 15:32

This will make him eat his shit. Please find comfort in this article.

https://www.boredpanda.com/woman-anti-abortion-explains-unwanted-pregnancies-mens-fault-gabrielle-blair/?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=organic&utmcampaign=organic

burritofan · 02/03/2019 15:51

I'm so sorry you're not being given the support you need. What your dad said is awful and I hope you know it's not true. I also hope you know the baby's father is behaving very badly by pressuring you into an unwanted abortion with pie in the sky promises of happily ever after.

If you want this baby, you absolutely can do this. Obviously pregnancy and single parenthood is difficult, and hyperemesis adds to that, but you don't have to have an abortion if you don't want to. Talk to your midwife about the lack of support network; she'll want to help and make sure you can access the help you need, such as Sure Start (a maternity grant to help set you up). You can do this!

wwwwwwwwwwwwww · 02/03/2019 15:58

Poor you. I had HG and that is terrible enough with having the support of a family and partner. I imagine that once the shock is over if they have always been supportive before they might come around. In the meantime there are people you can reach out to for help. HG charities, Facebook groups your midwife the hospital Chaplain if you are still admitted. Get all the help and support you can.

MummySharkBabyShark · 02/03/2019 16:40

Keep your baby if YOU want too. No one else’s opinion ma

MummySharkBabyShark · 02/03/2019 16:40

Sorry...

....matters.

Contact your midwife and tell her/him.

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 16:46

Your ex boyfriend and your Dad are completely out of order and it's appalling that they feel able to say such unpleasant nastiness to you.

There's nothing shameful about being pregnant. Your ex boyfriend is emotionally blackmailing you with his comments, and not taking any responsibility for his own actions. If he felt that strongly about any potential pregnancy then he should have made that clear before having a sexual relationship with you.

You sound very organised and level headed. You can get through this and of course you can continue with the pregnancy and have the baby if you want to, for yourself.

Cosmogirl86 · 02/03/2019 18:15

Have the baby, put him out of your life and enjoy your life. Twenty is young but you aren't a 16 year old still in school! You are in employment, have savings, seem responsible. And ultimately no one can force you to terminate a baby you want to keep! I'm pro choice so would support you either way, but it really seems like you want to continue

Justus22 · 02/03/2019 23:07

Our first baby was a shock, I was little older than you and my bf and I split up, he left and a few months later came back after he had time to think about what he wanted. He's been an amazing bf, dad and now husband since but his initial reaction you'd never have thought it'd turn out so well. As for your family they are totally out of line and will come round, if not as sad as it sounds, you don't need them in your life. You might be young but you're an adult and you have the right to live your life on your terms. Do what is best for you. Xx

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