5 weeks pregnant: scared, lonely and lost freedom

[DSR1]

Hi All,

I was wondering if you could help. My DH and I have been trying for a year and I found out last week that I am pregnant. DH is ecstatic, I on the other hand am panicking, feeling scared of losing my current life, overwhelmed and wish this wasn't happening.

It was planned so not sure why I feel this way, I want to feel happy and ecstatic! I've been crying everyday and feel so anxious. I keep worrying about how we are going to cope and how exhausted we will be and how we won't have time for each other.

My nephew came over on the weekend and he was hard work and I couldn't wait to get my house back in order and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Apart of me is thinking, (please don't judge me) that this baby has thrown a spanner in my life! I received my letter through yesterday for my first midwife and scan appt, I couldn't stop crying as I was so overwhelmed and scared that it's all happening. I am 30 but still feel do not feel responsible enough to look after a child.

I feel so bad for thinking this way and wish I didn't. I have arranged CBT counselling to help, hopefully it will.

Did anyone else feel like this? And when did the feelings turn into happiness?

Have you spoken to DH? I think keeping it all in can't help and the shock and the hormones and not talking to people in the early days can make us go a bit haywire. That's good you've arranged the appointment. Just take it slowly and be as honest as you can. Things will and always do change in some way.

Have you got any close family or friends you could chat with? I agree with PP that bottling up the feelings in the early 'secret' days is tough.

I found out I was pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy at 24. I had my life mapped out as I intended it all to happen, and that was NOT part of my plan! I had decided I wanted kids at 30!! I remember feeling sick with shock and dazed for the first couple of weeks after I found out. For me, I never considered anything other than continuing the pregnancy, and now I have a four year old daughter ( and a nine month old boy!). I felt really unsure at the start of that first pregnancy about whether it was a good time, where would we live, my career was only just getting started etc etc.

Well I love my children to distraction, I absolutely adore them. The love for my nephews/nieces pales in comparison tbh. I became a SAHM once my daughter was born, so a TOTAL lifestyle change, and it's hard, they annoy me at times, I'm tired etc. But none of that bothers me. And actually you get used to being tired pretty quickly Make a concerted effort to have time for you and your husband too, I've found that helps, other it can feel a bit like tag teaming childcare!

Also 30 and also planned - I FREAKED OUT when I first fell pregnant. I think I can easily say it was one of the hardest times of my life - I felt trapped and scared and convinced I couldn't do it. I cried for weeks and talked to my other half about a termination. I would say at some points I was even suicidal.

Very slowly, I started to get used to the idea of this baby, and I started to feel better and better and at 13 weeks I even felt excited (but still absolutely petrified).
I am now 33 weeks and it's genuinely the best thing that's ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong - some days I still struggle and I am terrified! but my daughter is the best thing I've ever done. I've realised that these things have a way of working themselves out, and there is a lot of support around if you reach out.

I think counselling/cbt would be great for you. There are also supplements you can look into like b vitamins and magnesium which will support you physically.

I felt like that with my 5th baby but just for the first trimester. She was planned too but within s week of finding out, I couldn't help feeling ' oh goodness, what have I done' my dh was really supportive. 12 plus weeks, I felt tonnes better. Midwife said it could easily be hormonal. I don't get post natal depression so don't worry, it doesn't mean you will.
There are just huge surges of hormones first trimester and for some people it can feel really rubbish.

My DTs were conceived by ivf, so very much planned (!) but when I was pregnant I felt exactly the same as you. I was utterly terrified, was googling abortions but also praying that they both made it and I didn’t lose either one or both, it was pretty fucked up in my head. Weirdly, reaching 24 weeks helped, because it was too late by then for an abortion, and reaching the end of the week and being another week pregnant (and therefore better chances of survival for them) helped my mh. Overall, I personally detested being pregnant, and felt like a freak because of this.

I find other people’s kids hard work too, but it’s different with my own. My DTs are the hardest “work” I’ve ever done, but they’re the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and there’s absolutely nothing you could offer me to go back to life without them.

For me, true happiness came when they were 8 months old and I sought help for my pnd, and began on ads. I knew I loved them long before I even gave birth, but was so messed up I wasn’t feeling it all the time, it was a very unpleasant period for my mh. Now though, I’m so in love with them, and am actually the mother I wanted to be, and seeing them grow and learn everyday is the best!

It’s great that you’ve already arranged counselling to help you, that’s really brave and very positive. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I wish you all the best 💐

Unplanned here and totally freaked out on so many levels. Was in tears ALOT & started to resent other half. Wasn’t until the 12 week scan something clicked. I think we are pregnant for 40 weeks just to give us enough time to get our head around it! Great that you’re looking into therapy too.