When your pregnancy is not all hugs and puppies: anyone else?

[WiseBlankie]

Hi all! I'm new here, pregnant with our first baby, and am looking for women who are also experiencing difficult pregnancies, or, like me, have been prescribed bed rest.

I am in my second trimester (19 weeks) at the moment and two weeks ago had to be rushed to the hospital due to blood loss and a suspected amniotic fluid leak. Fortunately baby stayed where it was, but an ultrasound showed that my placenta is currently covering the cervix, and this caused the blood loss. I again experienced heavy bleeding a few days after that first terrifying night, and then had some spotting for the next week or so. It seems to have finally stopped, but I also have a very irritable uterus and lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, which means I've been put on bed rest until further notice and not unlikely: until the end of the pregnancy.

It's not the second trimester I had imagined, and I still have so far to go! I had a lot of nausea during the first trimester, and was just starting to feel good, shiny and happy, but now there is nothing much to do except lie down and hope for the best. Which we still do, of course! Babe seems to be doing fine despite everything that's going on down there.

However, I don't have any friends or relatives who have gone through anything similar, and most of them can't really relate. People keep sending me "feel better soon" cards and texts, and they are well meant, but I am fine: the bleeding and contractions are painless, it's just the danger for our baby & the risk of premature labour that is preventing me from moving about. It's also quite lonely on my sofa all day.

I hope to maybe find some other expecting mothers who are going through something similar, or for other reasons have a high-risk / not so blissful pregnancy, so we can support each other and share war stories (and Netflix recommendations, perhaps). ;)

Hi wise. I don’t have the same issues as you but I’m 23 weeks and am having a tough pg. I’ve felt so sick the whole way through that I was sofa or bed bound for pretty much all of my first trimester. I had to cancel medical appointments as I couldn’t manage to make it. I’ve been signed off work since October and my gp has said chances are I won’t return before maternity leave. I can barely achieve anything before I feel terrible and sick and have to lie down so I rarely go out (only ever for hospital appointments) and haven’t felt up to seeing any friends etc for months. The main thing I struggle with, other than the nausea itself which is toe curling and debilitating, is the isolation and loneliness. Netflix is my friend! I think lots of people I know struggle to understand how terrible I actually feel and think I shoukd just struggle on, they don’t realise that when I do try to struggle on my symptoms really ramp up. I have limited energy reserves and if I use them up I’m f*ed for the next day or so. Pg for me is the hardest thing I have to go through physically and mentally. It broke me last time and I’m trying to do everything I can this time to save my sanity.

I think very few are hugs and puppies.

OP I really feel for you.

I had bleeding, a cervical stitch, was under consultant care and in hospital every week. An irritable uterus. On bed rest. Told many times the baby wouldn't make it. To top it off had IUGR , the steroid injections, DD born at 32 weeks at 4 pounds.

I don't know anyone in real life who had a high risk pregnancy, all my friends and colleagues were very straightforward.

DD is now 5 and a lovely happy healthy little girl. I definitely couldn't go through pregnancy again though. You are not alone!

I had a similar pregnancy and it was hard; I found it hard to relate to other people’s relatively straight forward experiences.
Celebs go dating on the channel 4 app kept me sane; it’s mindless but entertaining and takes no concentration so very easy to watch
My best tip is take one day at a time and don’t google things about your complications

Hi Reastie!

I am so sorry you are still feeling so ill! As I said, I had a lot of problems with morning sickness during the first trimester (I lost 8 pounds!), but it tapered off around 13 weeks for me, and was completely gone by week 15. For some weeks there I was absolutely miserable - and I am very grateful I do not have nine months of that. Nausea is one of the worst things to cope with - it's just impossible to cope at all. Is your baby doing all right, though? And this is your second pregnancy?

JasonGideon - of course you are right. I did not particularly enjoy pregnancy before I developed these complications (in fact, I have hated being pregnant while I had morning sickness, no matter how happy I was about expecting a baby). We all have our struggles, symptoms, uncertainties. But this anxiety about whether baby will make it, and about how long I can manage to keep the little bean in there, feels different somehow. Suddenly, there is no pregnancy yoga and shopping and babymoon, but everything is medical and there's weekly ultrasounds and additional tests and visits to the gynaecologist, and a scheduled caesarean. I've really had to adjust my expectations. I just hope to have a healthy baby at the end.

So far baby is fine, it’s just me that’s suffering! I am so envious of people that can lead a relatively normal life when pg and do all the nice things to enjoy like go shopping for baby clothes etc. My pg is totally taken over with nausea and anxiety and I am enduring it rather than enduring it.

Enduring rather than enjoying

soberfabulous - Thank you. That sounds like a nightmare, and I'm so glad to hear your story has a happy ending, congratulations with your DD! Here also - I have a few friends who had early miscarriages, which is really hard, but all went on to have healthy pregnancies afterwards.

I really understand not being able to go through it again. It's one of my negative thoughts when I am feeling down: if I lose baby now, I am not sure if I can do it again, even though I desperately want to be a mum. But I must deal with that as it comes.

user1493413286 - this is very good advice - thanks! I am trying to not look too far ahead, even though sometimes my thoughts wander. I am scheduled for my anomaly scan on Thursday, and I'm a bit nervous, but hopeful all is well. I already know my placenta is in completely the wrong place, so that won't come as a shock. ;-)

Reastie, I feel for you! Mum suffering is no good either, and I well understand your envy, even if I feel a bit shallow for it myself. (None of it is important; the health of my baby is important; but oh, I wanted those experiences for me too!). I think you should be very proud of yourself for coming this far with all your symptoms and enduring! We just need to get through it and focus on the end goal.

Sorry, OP. Some people are especially unlucky. X fingers that whatever the rollercoaster, you & baby arrive safely to the end of this pregnancy.

Wise I said I would never go through pg ever again with dd. It took me 7 years to build up strength to think I could do it but even then I still wasn’t sure if I’d cope. I wanted another child a lot but I was so scared of going through pg again. Even this time there have been dark times when I e felt so bad I’ve contemplated abortion, which I feel awful admitting as I want the child so much, but it’s so tough to go through this and there’s a lack of sympathy and understanding.

The issue I’m struggling to cope with atm is weight gain. I have to eat to help the nausea, it’s non negotiable. Because of this I’ve been constantly eating for months and have put on 2.5 stone already. I’m so freaked out by this as I put on over 5 stone with dd and it was th cause of Great Depression for me after I had her. I lost all the weight but only after I stopped bfing. I was at a place pre preg where for the first time in my whole life I felt fit and healthy and was relatively happy with my self and my body. It has caused a lot of self deprecation and depression in the past with myself and I feel out of control dealing with it atm. M trying to just make healthy choices but even so the quantity I’m eating is really embarrassing.

Oh no, Reastie! I'm the opposite: still at the same weight as pre-pregnancy, but not too worried because of the first trimester weight loss, and I'm definitely showing. But I remember from my first trimester that at some point I just knew I had to go with whatever my stomach craved - and it was often bad things. I threw up cooked vegetables until a few weeks ago; I just couldn't keep them down, whereas I had a bag of chips every week. I would not feel guilty about eating now - you are doing all you can to make these months tolerable for you! You lost the weight before, and will do so again, once you are back in control of your body. As long as you are making healthy choices (as much as you can), I think you are doing your best for you and for your baby! Are you getting mental health support considering your depression before?

I can now tolerate a fair few vegetables (phew! Not a huge number, but the ones I can eat I’m having a lot of! Generally salad not cooked veg) and am eating much more healthily than first trimester, just too much. Last pg my diet was terrible throughout, think 3 packs of crisps a day at one point and copious amounts of chocolate milk. This time I’m eating much better (bar potatoes) so far yet weight gain is the same, it’s not fair!

I have been very upfront with everyone about how pg mentally broke me last time and I didn’t get much help last time and need help this time. I had a mh nurse apt last week which I had had to postpone twice as I wasn’t u to going to hospital. Finally made it only to find it a huge disappointment, she wasn’t able to help me with anything I asked her if I could have help to assist my anxiety. She was fixated on a historic mh issue I have which I’m not in a place to work on right now, I just need help getting through and coping with being pg. I felt really low when I came out. She is referring me on to another mh dept, I’m not sure if they are to deal with the aforementioned mh issue that I’m not up to working on right now or if they will actually be of some help.

I thought I deserved a straightforward pregnancy - how arrogant was I?!?!

I suffered infertility and several very early miscarriages. The depression set in and I lost my career. Then ivf was successful!!!

But I may as well have been on bed rest the last 15 weeks or so as I can't walk because of pelvic girdle pain. It was hardest admitting I couldn't do certain things anymore - like go to the shop, Hoover, do laundry etc... but it's become a bit easier as time's gone and n because I'm nearly at the finish line!!

I know that people have far worse pregnancies than I've had, because until very recently there were no worries about the baby (she's now got reduced growth velocity which might be a sign of placenta starting to stop working as well). But I'm can't help but be a bit pissed that was went through the years of depression from failure after failure - but they say you have a difficult pregnancy, a difficult birth or a difficult baby - so hopefully I've got that box ticked!!

@Reastie: In my experience weight gain and weight loss are often unfair! I have friends who put on pounds just by looking at a plate of pasta, and others who eat junk food all week long and appear perfectly slim. You are getting the right nutrients this time: that's what matters!

It can be hard to find a mental health professional who you have a connection with and can offer constructive help for your particular situation, although it shouldn't be. I hope the person she referred you to will be much better!

@physicskate - you did deserve a straightforward pregnancy - in fact, I wish we could all have one! - but some of us are just really unlucky! I'm so sorry about your miscarriages and losses. Waking up with blood soaking my thighs and bed sheets last week was one of the worst moments of my life. I thought for sure I had lost my baby; it was so devastating, I can't properly describe my feelings in that moment.
You are nearly there, though; hang in there!
Also, that's an encouraging belief. May we all have easy births (with a C-section at least I won't have to do much ^^), and happy, healthy babies who quickly let their mums sleep peacefully all night.

I had two big bleeds at 20 and 21 weeks and was signed off work to rest for 8 weeks due to concerns about the placenta (it was low lying and they queried a partial abruption) It's a really tough time and people just don't get it. I did make it back to work for a few weeks from about 29 weeks as placenta had moved up and stopped causing bother.

In my case I did make it to term and despite a variety of other complications (pre-eclampsia, infection at birth for both of us, PUPPS, emcs) we both made it through unscathed and DS is now a very happy and energetic two year old!

I'm now pregnant with DS2 and no placenta problems this time (BP is a bit dodgy but I'm being very closely monitored) now nearly 30 weeks so feels like we're getting there.

It's shit but just take it a day at a time and distract yourself as much as possible, best of luck.

Hi op I can completely relate! My last pregnancy was a tough one; hg until week 17 then unexplained spontaneous labour at 29 weeks, 8 weeks in nicu and brain surgery for baby.

This time I'm now 28 and 6 and pregnancy so far has had exactly the same hg for 17 weels but this time I've also had irritable uterus, placenta previa (which thankfully has now moved) and yesterday I had my second sterroid shot as I'm having all the same symptoms of baby coming early again! Its such a stressful time and I'm struggling to cope with the anxiety tbh.

Been referred to the mental health team after asking for that a LOT but the appointment isnt for another 3 weeks; by which time baby might be here or I'll be feeling a bit calmer because I'll at least have reached 32 weeks!

I've been in and out of the hospital every few days as my tightenings and cramps can often come every 2-5 mins. I've also been having watery discharge and backache. I feel heavy and low-down and I'm waddling everywhere. So far cervix has remained firmly closed thankfully and all these symptoms coulf easily be normal pregnancy ones. It's just that I had all the same ones last time and brushed them off, despite a strong feeling baby would be early (i even cancelled a work trip because I was so sure) then my waters suddenly went in the middle of the night. I'm so scared the same will happen again; it's just a horrible mind game!

I don't think people with easy pregnancies can understand. I've been signed off one of my jobs as I'm on my feet a lot in that one, but I'm working from home in the other; in between rushing to the hospital every other day.

I'm NEVER doing this again!!!

@Sunshinegirl82 - It's really nice to hear of others who have been through something like this and had a happy ending. Congrats to you and to little DS for fighting your way through all that misery; that's wonderful! Also glad to hear it does not necessarily mean that a next pregnancy will be the same. I hope your BP stays nicely within range and that you will sail through this time.
I really hope my placenta will move up, but the gynaecologist didn't sound very convinced because of its current position. Still, it could happen!

@KateTTC123 - oof, that sounds familiar. I've had discharge like water ever since my second bleed (as in: it soaks through my underwear), and lower back aches as well. Could be normal pregnancy mess, could be something scarier. That's one of the hardest parts: often we just don't know and everything is so out of our control! I hope your baby will decide to hang out in your uterus for a bit longer, but at least you are being carefully monitored this time, so hopefully he / she will have a much better start either way! Please let me know how things work out for you. :)
I'm working from home (parttime) myself - fortunately have the perfect type of job for this situation (I teach online courses). Some days this is a nice distraction, and some days (like today) I'm just a little too sore and tired to do much (I get stress headaches, and I don't want to take any painkillers or anything that might affect the baby right now).

@wiseblankie I think it sounds like we are in a very similar position! I am an educational consultant so do that from home.
Yeah, the watery discharge is stressful. Some days it's worse than others though; which suggests it's not a leak. But it was the same last time until the night my water just went suddenly.
If it helps, my placenta was completely covering my cervix one week and then at a scan just 2 weeks later it had moved completely out of the way! My consultant had said there was little hope it would move! Fingers crossed yours does the same.

Today has been a particularly crampy day but not in any specific pattern yet :( still living on edge though!!

@KateTTC123 - same here with the discharge. It is too sporadic to really worry about (although of course I do, sometimes. also ugh). I just hope that resting will do the trick and keep everything firmly locked up for another trimester. I love that I can feel my little one every day now, but it also makes me feel the guilt, knowing that it is my body that is failing baby. Baby is doing just fine.

I was at the gynaecologist yesterday to check the position of the placenta, and she showed me on the monitor where it was covering the cervix. I expressed my disappointment that it hadn't moved yet, and she almost laughed in my face (it had been a week since my last appointment), but I know it can happen! Just waiting for that magical growth spurt.

Nice that we are both in education! I really lucked out there because some semesters I also teach classroom courses, but this semester was always going to be entirely online, so my issues have not really affected my job at all (and since I am self-employed, which I guess you may be too, it would have meant a bit of a financial struggle for us if I had not been able to work all this time).

They tell me as long as there is no pattern, it's all OK. Cramps are never fun, though :(

My dsis had a difficult high risk pregnancy and a happy ending. She had an incompetent cervix, needed a stitch at 19 weeks and put on full bed rest. She was told she could go into labour at anytime, so had all the worry about whether baby would survive. Then developed preeclampsia and baby was delivered via emergency c-section at 30 weeks. After 8 weeks in the nicu baby came home and is now a happy, healthy 14 month old. Try to stay positive!

As far as Netflix recommendations I would go for You, The Sinner, or Safe if you like thrillers. Not the most relaxing but they make the time fly by.

With baby 2 I had Kell antibodies which attacked her Kell red blood cells and resulted in feotal anaemia. There’s no treatment like there is for rhesus disease, other than a blood transfusion before 34 weeks through the umbilical cord.

We were on first name terms with the feotal medicine staff, and although I was perfectly well, the worry was all encompassing. I had 20 extra ultra sounds. In two particular weeks we had 3 scans those weeks! Luckily we live near the hospital.

All was well after she was born by section at 35 weeks. She had a transfusion and was in neonatal for 2 days. Then we were on a ward for a further 7 days. Home for 36 hours then back in for another 4 days. She needed a lot of photo therapy for jaundice caused by the anaemia.

That coupled with a nearly 3 year old who’d never been away from me overnight nearly broke me.

Still, I’ve arranged her 1st Birthday Party today

Best wishes

Oh I feel your pain. I'm a FTM and have been off work since week 13... I'm now at week 22 and I doubt I'll be able to return before Mat Leave kicks in.
I initially had awful morning sickness until week 16. At week 15 I developed a degenerative fibroid and I'm still not able to be on my feet for more than 20/25 minutes without the pain making me keel over.

Today was a particularly hard day as I decided to go to the shops in the sunshine to have my glasses fixed and pick up some bits for dinner tomorrow as DH is returning from a work trip. I couldn't even manage that and I ended up getting really upset as I feel like such an invalid, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

I always imagined working up until my due week, doing pregnancy yoga, walking everywhere and now I can't even manage a few shops.

I don't really know anyone in my local area so I feel really lonely as well. I'm frustrated with my body for not being able to handle what most women seem to do in a breeze. I know I'm being hard on myself but I'm only 27 and I'd never been signed off sick before this.

I'm really excited to meet my little boy, but I don't know if I'll be in a hurry to do this again.