Maternity leave - how soon is too soon?

[PandoraJack]

I'm hoping to get some advice and wisdom please.
I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant, and I'm struggling. I was diagnosed with HG quite early on, and was off work from about week 6 to week 14 just totally bedridden with sickness and nausea. I've finally found a medication that is helping, and have returned to work on a phased return. If it's relevant, my sick pay ran out v quickly and the majority of this was SSP.
The problem is that I'm really struggling with my commute. I work condensed full-time hours from Monday to Thursday because I provide childcare for my niece on Fridays. This was also condensed to reduce my commuting costs. I work two 9 hour days and two 11 hour days.
My commute is 2 hours each way - a combination of walking (about half an hour) and two trains. I then sometimes have travel throughout the day (mostly walking or buses). I'm still feeling nauseous and dizzy, although I'm being sick much less. I'm also starting to struggle with hip and back pain which is making my working day and my commute even more difficult. This pain also makes sleep really difficult, which makes me even more tired, which exacerbates the HG symptoms.
Work have been as supportive as they can, and are allowing me to work from home as much as my role allows (about once a week). My phased return ends next week. I've already had to take a day and a half off sick and I've only been back 3 weeks!
My question is around maternity leave. I'm due on the 15th of July. Our policy allows me to go on maternity leave as early as 11 weeks before due date, which would be the start of May. I'd hoped to stick it out until June, but this is feeling increasingly unrealistic. I want to go on maternity leave as soon as I can, because the commute is only going to get more difficult as I get more pregnant, isn't it? But I feel really guilty about going off so early, like I've failed somehow, and that I'll regret going off so early when it comes to returning to work as the end of maternity leave because it will mean less time with the baby.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

Don't feel guilty for going off early if that's for the best, that is a hard commute and long work days!

I will tell you my experience with hip pain though, mine was worst around the 20-24 week mark. Really sore hips and groin area. But it passed then and I felt much better towards the end of my pregnancy tbh.

Even though I was obviously bigger i wasn't as uncomfortable as in those middle weeks! Maybe something to do with parts stretching/moving around 20 weeks? - I don't know!

So maybe see how you go - how much notice do you have to give before you finish?

Thank you SazCat, that's quite encouraging!
I think I need to give 6 weeks notice (so would need to be mid-March if I intend to go off at the start of May). Nothing to say I can't just see how things go, especially if there's a chance some of the pain will ease a bit!

Also a hg sufferer! And I'm a home carer so my job is pretty intense. Been off sick since week 6 now on week 16. I don't know if I'll manage to go back and work have been a bit shitty with me by ignoring my phone calls and passing me off to others but I said my maternity leave would begin at the Earliest I could get it which is 26th may and I'm due 11th August.
I'd go earlier if I was you, you've suffered enough and a two hour commute isn't fun for anyone never mind when you're pregnant.

Thanks for your response avacadooo, I'm sorry to hear you're having a miserable time too and that work aren't supporting you as they should. I hope things get easier for you.

I have HG too and developed SPD around week 24, I wasn't due to finish at work until this coming Friday but I had to finish about 4 weeks ago because I couldn't cope with the commute (and I drive!). And honestly I felt so bad and dramatic doing it, but now I'm off and still struggling, I know there's no way I could have continued at work.

My advice would be to finish whenever you feel like it's right, you know your body and you need to look after yourself and your baby. I am so glad I finished when I did and even though I'm still struggling each day with the sickness and the pain, I am finally starting to enjoy being pregnant and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope this helps a bit xx

Thank you nothingdaboutmyp, I'm sorry to hear things have been so tough for you too, but you've made me feel loads better by saying that you're glad you went off when you did and that you're actually enjoying being pregnant now (despite still suffering) - that's exactly where I want to be!

When I had DS I was due to go on maternity leave at 34 weeks, finishing at Christmas. Due to my then husband falling ill with what was eventually diagnosed as MS & me suffering crippling tiredness due to the stress & worry, I was signed off sick at the beginning of December by my GP, my maternity leave started on the proper date. I'm glad that I finished early as I was diagnosed with pre eclampsia & DS was delivered by EMCS at 37 weeks. I went back to work part time when he was 8 months old, having had 9 months maternity leave, including my annual leave that I had built up.

Don’t think there is such a thing as too early - every body is different and only you know how you’re feeling. Don’t feel bad about it - your body is going through ALOT of changes. I planned to go on mat leave around 36 weeks but ended up being signed off around 32 weeks and the day job have processed it as holiday so I don’t miss out on mat leave. I also have my own business & have kept up with working but as it’s from home with less physical demand it’s much more manageable. Listen to your body do what’s best for you and baby.

I so no how you are feeling I had to do the same it’s so hard when you want to be at work but are just sick. try not to worry about it do what you think is right for you I’m due late March and stoped work at Christmas
Sending hugs and hope you feel better soon xx

Are you still providing childcare? To be honest that is something that should probably go if you can to give you time to rest. Presumably your niece will need other options when you have a new born anyway? Having a day of proper rest might be the difference between you finishing early and stretching for another month and having more time with your own baby.

If you haven’t had a physio referall ask for one ASAP. It made a massive difference to my SPD as there I’ll be so many things you are doing that you need to stop (lifting, pushing trollies, how you get out of bed/car, crossing legs etc).

Could your doctor sign you off sick for a while? Depending on your finances and maternity policy, going off 11 weeks before due date might mean your full pay part finishes before baby arrives if baby is late.

I was amazed how different I felt after a few weeks signed off work. I went back feeling 100 times better and it allowed me to work later before due date.

I think your sibling needs to find alternative childcare as soon as possible so that you can use Fridays to rest before making a decision.

If it makes you feel any better, I am 21 weeks pregnant and all is pretty normal so far. Bit of sickness and tiredness in the beginning but I am taking my maternity leave as soon as I can just because I can't deal with the travel to work (2 trains and bus, takes about an hour)

I know a lot of women go as late as possible so it did play on my mind whether I was just being lazy but not only is your physical health important for the baby, so is your mental health. Every pregnancy and every person is different. Go as soon as you can and enjoy the time with just you and bump before it turns into an actual baby. Better to feel properly rested before giving birth.

How you getting on OP? Xx