Serious pregnancy depression... please help!

[jenny8916652]

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and I'm dealing with serious suicidal depression!

I think I'm having a breakdown I'm actually cannot function at all and having daily panic attacks yet I have a business to run and all I'm doing is sitting in bed crying all day wanting to die :( I feel like such a weak person I cant feel any joy in life anymore I don't even remember who I am and I don't think I can go ahead with this pregnancy!

This pregnancy wasn't planned and I was planning on leaving partner the week then found out I was pregnant. He is emotionally abusive and has cheated on me a number of times and just treated me with utter disrespect I finally found the strength in myself to believe I deserve better and then this happens! I ended things with him anyway and now he's just left without a word so I'm faced with being a single mother although I'm sure he will keep coming back and forth into my life if I have this child and I'll have to deal with him for the child's sake!! I'm worried this child will turn out like him and I'm gutted a child will have him as a role model. I grew up without a dad and the last thing I've ever wanted was to have a child in the same situation or with terrible man. I was bleeding at 8 weeks and thought I was having a miscarriage and I was so relieved but then the scan showed the baby was fine I was literally devastated and started crying (I feel like such an evil person I should have been happy in that moment) and cried all that day and night.

I just don't know what to do I feel like I'm literally loosing my mind even more by the day trying to hold onto hope I'll be able to cope and this is a happy thing and a baby is a blessing but I'm scared I'll do something stupid if I leave it too late and I'm scared I'll also get postnatal depression as well I've been depressed for two months now and I don't think I can take much more.

I feel like either way I turn I'll be broken if I have a termination I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself and will feel lost and empty but if I keep it I'm feeling worse daily and don't know how much more I can take my life and business is falling apart around me I've never felt so broken, lost and alone in my life! I have my mum and friends supporting me saying they will support me whatever choice I make but no amount of support is easing this inner torment I'm feeling I just want to feel normal again!

Please don't judge me for having these feelings I can't help it I just need someone outside advice. I feel like have a termination is my only option!

First of all, I'm sorry for everything you're going through. It's a tough time and a tough decision to make.

I believe you may have already subconsciously made a decision through what you believed was a miscarriage. When you found out they were fine, you were devastated. This does seem like you're not 100% ready for this baby - especially as you've stated you don't want them becoming like the dad.

From someone who's had a termination, I have felt the guilt, the regret, the heartbreak. But I also knew it was the right decision, as it was the wrong time. Three years later, I've had a beautiful baby boy who is my world. I like to believe that the soul who departs comes back to you later on.

Ultimately it is your decision. You get the choice.

Hey OP. I'm pregnant with my fifth dc and I am a lone parent. My first four dc were from my first marriage. Their father is a weed addict and drinks cider every night. I was miserable for nine years before I kicked him out and became a lone parent to 4dc. This baby is to my second husband who is a serious alcoholic. I was naive to the extremity of his addiction and then it was too late. I kicked him out a month ago.

With this baby, I went back and forth about having a termination. I was gutted that this poor baby will grow up without parents together and will have a serious alcoholic for a father. However I couuldnt do it. Because despite having my first husband as my 4dc father, they have turned out to be wonderful, gentle, lovely people. And they changed my life for the better. Really, I think I needed them more than they needed me.

Children can be like their parents, yes, but they are also their own person. Being a lone parent has been far better, easier and rewarding than it ever was for those nine years parenting with ex husband.

I still managed to do college and my last job before maternity was a manager position.

I just wanted to give you a positive opinion but please don't think for a second that because of my own experience, it should make a difference to your own. Whatever you choose to do, I am sure it will absolutely be the right decision. Good luck.

Sending you a massive hug.

Please remember that you may be feeling at rock bottom right now but it will get better.

Please book an emergency appointment with your gp tomorrow. Explain that you're feeling suicidal and let them help you.

You say that you felt relieved when you believed you'd miscarried and devastated when you discovered the baby was still there so maybe a termination would be the right thing for you right now? It's completely your decision so try not weigh up the pros and cons of each outcome.

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. Please don't do anything to harm yourself, just get the help that you need.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Depression durring pregnancy is more common for than post natal depression. Please go and see your GP. Get an emergency appointment tomorrow.

There is nothing wrong with having a termination if it’s the right thing for you. You can talk to your GP about this.

Sorry you’re feeling this way, OP.

I hit a real low at 8 weeks pregnant and my babyvwas very much planned and wanted. I’d been having bleeding on and off and ai went from being terrified I was miscarrying to thinking “well at least if I miscarry then I’ll feel normal again”. I struggled to get out of bed and was crying in the shower one day because I felt so low.

Terminatiom may abdolutrly be the right thing for you but I just wanted to say that you are at a point in pregnancy where the hormones hit pretty hsrd so this may be affecting your feelings in which case it does get better once the hormones settle down.

Didn't want to read and run. I just want to say that I felt similar to you at 9 weeks. I thought I was losing the baby and when I went to work after I had a scan and everything was OK, I cried in front of my boss, as I felt things would have just been easier if it wasn't viable.

Mine was unplanned, but I am still with partner and already have a DC. We both work full time and life is just really full on and quite stressful. We aren't in any debt, but can hardly afford another set of nursery fees and don't own our own home and live in a 2 bed flat (albeit quite a nice one in a great location, but not really a 'family' home). Even though neither of us are on minimum wage, life is just a struggle as we live in an expensive part of the country. I think I just panicked and sometimes I still feel a sense of dread about this baby coming (due in a month), but I have come round to the idea and I'm glad I didn't terminate. When I feel the baby kicking and see my DC getting excited I feel I made the right decision. Most people I know haven't been in the perfect situation when they had children, it just kind of fell in to place as it went along and now they wouldn't change a thing.

The first thing I did was speak to my midwife about how I was feeling. She referred me to counselling and I also approached getting help on IAPT with another issue I had (a phobia) which was really affecting me and my relationship with DP. This is usually an online self referral. You will get fast tracked being pregnant. I think there is also charities that you can call to discuss whether an abortion is the right thing for you too. You may also want to look at what support you would get financially and from family and friends to see how a baby would work in your life. When you have a better idea of what the future might hold, you might find it easier to make a decision. I would say though at 9 weeks and the way you feel, it is likely to get harder to terminate the further along you are.

With your ex. I would keep quiet for now and let the dust settle until you decide what to do. If you do decide to terminate, he may use this to be confrontational. Let him move on and if you want to keep the baby tell him a bit later. Please don't let him back in to your life romantically though. He has behaved appallingly and you've definitely done the right thing leaving him. Don't worry about how a child affects your prospects of meeting someone else. This is a myth!

I hope things do get better for you and you can decide what is right for you. Please reach out to someone and talk about this though. It sounds like you are really suffering dealing with this on your own. Your hormones are raging too, so should settle in a couple of months too.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I really appreciate it

I know my hormones are probably all the over the place but the indecision is driving me crazy! I wake up a feel I can do this then as the day gets on I’m in a complete panic and utter melt down. I’ve read pregnancy depression can last 12 months after the baby is born I will have nothing left of myself or my life by then I just feel I can’t risk it feeling so unstable right now, what if it doesn’t get better? My business is falling apart and I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself no matter how hard I try and I am really trying for myself and this baby I don’t have much time left to decide :(

Please please get an appointment with your gp and get some support. They will be able to help you feel better and everything will be ok. Xx