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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

MIL and Possible Dc3

13 replies

IsAStormApporaching · 22/02/2019 20:23

My mil-to-be is a witch to say the least.
I had a prior post on here and was recomened the toxic in-laws book.
I have a example of poor behaviour for pretty much each type of toxic category there was in the book sadly.

Previous behaviour includes-
•laughing when we miscarried our first dc as I tried to trap her soneven though WE planned the baby
•abusive text to myself and dp. I was a gold digger. even though he moved into my fully furnished house lazy, etc. He was a mug etc
• told me she couldn't come to us to see our sick son because she was washing her hair. Then told everyone I refused to let her see dc
•continually played dp and I off against each other and openly admitted she wants us to split because she wants her son back.
•pushed every boundary we ever put our.
•She tried to jump over my dc in the pram to hit me. Dp had to pin her to a chair so I could grab dc and run out.
•No matter the incident she turns it to her being the victim. And of course fil and sil who live with her pander to her, back her up and make out we are in the wrong.

Anyway I am now totally nc. Dp and our dc together and my dd for a previous relationship are lc with her/fil/sil.

Dp backs me 100% and fights my corner but it took a long time for this to happen & a lot of hurt along the way.

So we want to try for our last dc, dp thinks now is a great time-as do i- but I have this fear this will start the whole cycle of crazy all over again.
Even just the thought of going back to that constant abuse everyday give me anxiety.

I just fail to see how it is workable and I am so worried to rock the boat.
How feezable would it actually be me being nc and having them lc with a newborn?

Has anyone been here?
Any tips?

OP posts:
Original poster
IsAStormApporaching · 22/02/2019 20:24

Wow sorry that was a monologue Sad

OP posts:
ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 22/02/2019 20:28

I'm nc with my in laws and dh was lc and used to take the kids round to see them every once in a while. I used to spend the child free time either cleaning, having some me time or retail therapy etc and trying not to let it bother me. Dh is now nc with them so it's no an issue anymore

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 22/02/2019 20:32

I predict on hearing your news she will fliperty flip and dh will go nc . You will therefore have no worry.

Original poster
IsAStormApporaching · 22/02/2019 20:39

Chorley thank you so much for the reply, I actually really like the child free time when I get it.
I am more meaning if we where to have another dc, how do you work the visits when they are a newborn. Dc2 had no set routine and breastfead pretty much all day for the first 3 weeks off and on if not longer.
How does that with them going over to visit the in-laws.
Did you think it would be workable? I just don't want it to all kick off again

OP posts:
Original poster
IsAStormApporaching · 22/02/2019 20:44

April This is kind of my fear. Dp has stated he will never go nc forever but he did for long period when her behaviour was just unacceptable. 9 months in the end.

I just don't want to jump back on the cycle we escape. And I think trying for another baby would do that Sad

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 22/02/2019 20:47

Op don't live your life pandering to such an awful woman!
I was nc with mil for ages.
Repeated snubbing of ds and her lies saw dh also go nc. Took him a while to realise his dc came before her horrendous behaviour.
If there is a risk she bad mouths you in front of your dc they should be kept away imo. And dh should support that. He made his vows to you not her. Remind him.

Drum2018 · 22/02/2019 20:53

Your baby doesn't go until he/she is weaned onto a bottle - be that 6 months, 10 months ... It's just not possible to separate you from a newborn when you are the only person who can feed baby. I would have no bones about sticking to that and to hell with the in-laws. Let them say what they want about you. You don't have to hear it back and even if you do, remember that what they think of you is not your concern. You don't have to give a shit what they think. Just remember that they have caused this issue by being cunts! It's great that your Dh accepts you are NC so hopefully he will continue to support you. You don't have to accept them visiting in a hospital, or in your home if you have another baby.

Original poster
IsAStormApporaching · 22/02/2019 21:03

I am happy in being nc and dp supports that.
I also support that he still wishes him and the dc to have contact. And I trust him totally to monitor it.
But he seems to think if we have another he can pop to them with him/her to visit and then race back if baby becomes hungry.
Which is totally fine when they are older but it's just not realistic for a newborn.
All he keeps saying is will be fine. sticking his head in the sand
The though of being back on the carzy abuse cycle is horrendous but the thought of not finishing our family is just as bad Sad

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 22/02/2019 21:16

Subjecting your dc to be in the company of such an abusive human being is puzzling op...

Original poster
IsAStormApporaching · 22/02/2019 21:34

April I can't deny that.
I would happily block all contact but that is for dp to decide.
I honestly don't believe she would ever be physical with the dc. And I trust dp to make sure all convesratioms are appropriate. And he state she is not consistent enough for unsupervised visits.
They visit Easter, boxing day, and the 2 dcs birthday. So not often.
It's just the meeting the newborn type visits I have not idea how I would manage it.

OP posts:
BrioLover · 22/02/2019 23:06

Honestly? Try not to think about it. Your DP may think he can race back with a hungry newborn now, but he has forgotten how tiny and helpless they are so is unlikely to want to remove said newborn from its mother to visit his batshit parents. And if he does you can refuse. What's the worst that can happen? She shouts and screams at him?

Or your newborn might shun your breast altogether (like my DS1!) and be bottlefed from day 2 so the occasional visit will be fine.

Original poster
IsAStormApporaching · 23/02/2019 00:41

I think you are right BrioLover
I am over thinking it. And he has defiantly forgot what it is like with a hungry newborn.
I left him with the dc in hospital for an hour to have a scan and came back he was covered in poop and sick and dc was crying.

Regardless of not wanting to fight, I won't be forced into doing anything I think isn't in the intreasts of our dc or potential dc and that is the bottom line.
He is aware of that. And as April said I can't live my life pandering to mil.
Feel a lot better now. Thank you everyone Flowers

OP posts:
BrioLover · 23/02/2019 19:26

Really hope it works out for you Thanks

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