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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My birth plan has gone to shit already. Please give me a virtual slap

19 replies

ahhhhheckmecervix · 22/02/2019 12:12

So I’m due to be induced on Monday as I’ll be 42 weeks. I was only 1cm dilated on Tuesday and 1cm dilated the Tuesday before so I can’t see the baby arriving this weekend. Due for a 4th stretch & sweep tomorrow but as the first 3 hadn’t worked I’m not hopeful.

I had wanted to give birth at a MLU but as I’m being induced I’ll have to go to the county hospital to give birth which I really didn’t want. They are crazy busy (obviously not their fault and the staff are great) but they take forever to discharge you and I really really really don’t want to end up on a ward afterwards (unless it’s an emergency obviously).

Please give me a shake. Be brutal.

OP posts:

Ribbonsonabox · 22/02/2019 12:21

Awww you dont need a slap! It's hard to accept that you're birth isnt going to be what youd prepared for. It's a big shock/disappointment. I had a homebirth planned with my second but on a check up near my due date they discovered she wasnt growing and told me I needed to be induced there and then...
I went absolutely nuts, screaming and crying in front of loads of people in the assessment unit!!
Dont feel bad... even when you know logically deep down that you cant control these things and youl just have to do what's needed, it doesn't stop you from feeling the emotions does it?
I too wanted desperately to avoid the recovery ward... and I did end up on it and it was awful but you know it's not forever... it's a few days out of your life max (hopefully less)
You can do this!! And you will be meeting your wonderful new baby soon! Perhaps not in the exact way you wanted but that wont matter in the long run!!
Congratulations

Slomi · 22/02/2019 12:23

Hugs OP. It's so tough when you have this idea of how things will be in your head. Absolutely everything that could possibly go wrong with my birth plan went wrong. I was told all along baby was in fantastic position, would be a straightforward labour. 2 sweeps, induction, 22 hour labour, emcs, extended time in recovery for me, admission to Special Care Unit for DD. Messed up my attempts to BF and led to me getting mild PND. Now DD is 4 mths and honestly... I don't even think about the birth I "should have had". I am so happy just to look at my little girl, knowing I'm her mummy and that she is perfectly ok despite things being touch and go for that first week or two. You will be disappointed a bit, it's only human, but it will fade when you have baby. And I agree, wards are awful (I ended up having to stay nearly a week!!) but it's such a brief time in the grand scheme of things. Good luck OP

HeartvsHead · 22/02/2019 12:26

Big hug!

I found out my little one was breech but not until my due date so had elective but very last minute c-section which was not my plan at all! Went through a rollercoaster of emotions but at the end of the day the real birth plan is simple. Get baby out safely.

Good luck and just remember very soon you will have your little squiggy and the rest of it won't matter nearly as much as it does now xxx

LikeSilver · 22/02/2019 12:28

You can discharge yourself though, if it happens. My children were both c sections, I stayed in three days with DD and nearly went insane. With DS I requested to go home as soon as my catheter was out, they had to send a doctor to “agree” this but I politely said I would see him and self discharge regardless (the young woman in the bay next to me had played the same Ed Sheeran song on repeat on her phone for 4.5 hours at that point 😭). He said there was no issue so I recovered at home.

Fortheloveofscience · 22/02/2019 12:28

A colleague at work was hoping for a home birth and ended up being induced at hospital. She said it was much better than she was expecting, and didn’t have to stay in for long at all. I’m sorry that it’s not what you were hoping for, but it could still be a positive experience.

ContraryToPopularBelief · 22/02/2019 12:30

If you need to go to the hospital then that's what you do. If you want to be discharged quickly then don't let them move you to the ward... they'll discharge you from the birthing room pretty quickly.

Fraula · 22/02/2019 12:31

You have my sympathy as it's so disappointing.

Wards aren't so bad, as you'll be immersed in looking at your little baby! Even with a csection, I was only in overnight, and if it's a natural birth, you'll likely be out within hours. Bring snacks and headphones for music, and you'll be ok.

breaker · 22/02/2019 12:32

You don't have to agree to induction either. I went 2.5 weeks over with my first and looks like this one is the same. I said no to induction as long as baby ok and while they like you to follow their timelines it's up to you and you can say no and wait for baby to come when it's ready.

Littletreasure2017 · 22/02/2019 12:34

Haven't read the whole thread but I had my birth plan all mapped out, wanted to labour at home etc also wanted to give birth at my birthing centre, I had lots of complications so had to go to the main hospital ( thank god I did!! ) and be induced, I ended up having a c section ( something I really hoped I wouldn't need ) but looking back now my birth plan and wishes didn't matter, my dd was born safely and I was safe!! 16 months on I still wish I could have had a vaginal birth but wouldn't change any of it now it's part of our journey together xx good luck op xx

Celebelly · 22/02/2019 12:38

My birth plan went totally to cock. My hypnobirthing, mobile labour turned into me demanding an epidural and then having to have an emergency section. My home in six hours dream turned into a longer hospital stay with a jaundiced baby who had to go under the lights and I couldn't cuddle her whenever I wanted.

It's crap but the reality of it wasn't as bad as what I had built it up to be. It's a cliche, but once you're holding your baby, some of the other stuff seems less important. And it's really not for long - it's a few hours/days of your life, and weirdly it does go pretty fast.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/02/2019 12:49

OP my birth plan went to pot too. Had plans to have DS in local MLU, with birthing pool. Unfortunately DS decided to get things moving in the middle of the night, and due to staffing and other issues, the MLU couldn't offer night cover that night! So had a decidedly uncomfortable trip to the hospital 30 miles away at 3am.

I remember walking into the maternity department and some kind person asking me what maternity team I was with, and I just snapped at them 'that I didn't have one and that I wasn't meant to be there and didn't want to be there'

The birthing pool at the hospital wasn't available either. However, the midwife I ended up having was lovely, and I also ended up having complications after the birth, which meant I would have ended up having to go to the hospital afterwards, if I had been at MLU, so it was just as well I was there anyway.

I was allowed to go to the MLU, the next day, and ended up staying there a couple of days recuperating (you can tell DS was pfb!)

I hope things get moving soon for you OP

Valkarie · 22/02/2019 12:56

I found the positive birth book helped me emotionally. I ended up with 2 c sections and not the water births I wanted. It has a good section about birth plans and planning for when it doesn't go how you want. It helped me feel much more in control the second time.

Jackshouse · 22/02/2019 12:59

You may not need the indiction but take control of the situation after induction, walks, bounce on your ball, yoga position. Remember just because your in hospital does not mean you need to get into a bed.

mummmy2017 · 22/02/2019 13:01

We never had this twenty years ago, I sometimes think young women today are misled about how much control they have over a birth
Your baby will be with you soon...
Enjoy being a mum..

soontobefour4 · 22/02/2019 13:16

This was me 18 months ago with DS. I ended up being induced at 42 weeks and whilst I had a straightforward birth with no epidural, with the benefit of hindsight I'm so glad that my MLU plans didn't work out. During labour I felt comforted to be in a place where come what may, anything we needed could be done.

Ultimately you don't know what's going to happen on the day, so a birth plan needs to be taken with a pinch of salt - your baby will probably decide for you! I'm not trying to suggest anything will go wrong, all being well things will be nice and straightforward, but no one has a crystal ball.

I'm 34 weeks now with DC2 and my Midwife is trying to convince me to have a home birth. Every time I see her I say it's not happening because I don't know what this birth will be like and I want expert help on hand in case I need it. So far my birth plan only consists of 'gas and air in the bath because that really helped me manage the pain last time - other than that I'll just go with it.

MaverickSnoopy · 22/02/2019 13:35

I can really relate to it not going how you planned and that feeling of disappointment.

I hate hospital and although I'd planned to deliver there I didn't want to be kept it. With DD1 they said I had to stay in post birth even though I didn't want to. With DD2 I was supposed to be induced and was admitted and they couldn't fit me in so I had to stay in an extra night before being induced. Then the epidural I really wanted didn't work. With DD3 I had a couple of hospital admissions even before she was born. When she finally arrived I felt SO unwell that I actually asked me to be admitted to the ward (my actual nightmare). I felt far too unwell to go home and it later transpired that I had an infection.

Birth plans should be renamed birth wishes because I think they give women false hope. Try to focus on your little bundle at the end. I'm not downplaying how you feel, you have every right to be disappointed. You've just got to go with it as best you can.

NameChange30 · 22/02/2019 14:33

I really wanted to avoid an induction so I had acupuncture (not sure if it helped) and also had sex... went into labour soon after the sex so I think it did help! There is some evidence to suggest that it helps (it's the hormones that are released during sex).

So my advice is to have as much sex as you can this weekend and you never know

However, if you do get to Monday and have the induction, all is not lost. You don't have to consent to everything, for example you could have the pessary but not the drip. You could ask if they have any delivery rooms with a birthing pool (if you were hoping to use one). etc.

I sympathise though as I really wanted to give birth in the MLU and use a pool, but I was transferred to the hospital ward (as there was meconium in the waters) and didn't have the birth I'd been hoping for. It is disappointing and I don't think we should be told to "get a grip" or anything like that.

People always say that a healthy baby is the most important thing and that's true but our feelings are valid too.

clairestandish · 22/02/2019 14:57

You can discharge yourself, they wanted me to stay in overnight as per ‘policy’ for first birth and because I was a little lightheaded but I declined and chose to go home. I think unfortunately a lot of other women would interpret it as ‘not allowed’ to go home, ‘had to’ stay in overnight.

It is your choice to be at hospital and your engagement with the service is at your own discretion.

I think birth plans are important but they’re about knowing the choices/options through a range of scenarios and situations. Obviously going overdue and being strongly recommended to choose induction can throw a spanner in the works of how you envisioned your birth. However I would still research the process and potential things that will/might happen in labour so you can still make informed choices and have control over your birth.

Original poster

ahhhhheckmecervix · 22/02/2019 15:09

Thanks all! I feel less emotional now.

I didn’t really have much of a plan as such I just really wanted to give birth at the MLU as it’s so nice and I’ve had bad experiences at the county hospital

I’ll speak to them about the process when I go in on Monday and see if I have to go on a ward with other people post birth (which is the main thing I was dreading). There’s a MLU a 25 min drive away which offers post natal beds, even if you haven’t given birth there so I’ll ring them on Monday as well and see if that’s an option should I need it.

OP posts:

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