having a hard time first trimester

[Parent19876]

hi guys ,
i've been having a really hard time and don't know who to turn to.
i'm eleven weeks and have just got my first date scan for the 4th of march.
i'm doing this alone as the father wants nothing to do with the baby or myself.
i've had horrible sickness since week six, nothing is staying down even with drugs from the gp.
i don't have a job and have been turned down for ever job I've applied to. i've been unemployed for six months due to mental health, and it just really feels like it's all getting on top of me today.
i moved back in with my parents a few weeks back and i feel like a complete failure.
i have a meeting with job seekers today, but i'm terrified that i'm just going to break down and cry.
i know i'm not alone in this as my parents have been super supportive of me through this whole time, but it does feel as if i'm alone. i don't want to be with my ex, but i wish he wouldn't say that I'm ruining his life and that i'm naive and going to be a bad mother. i feel like everything is my fault because i'm the one who got pregnant even though i was on birth control.
i don't know. i want this child so desperately, but am i being selfish bringing a child into my life? I know it all has the opportunity to turn around, but it all just seems so hard today

Bump please

Oh you poor thing!! I'm struggling with a first trimester in much easier circumstances, you are a real trooper!
You are not selfish. Things will get easier. First trimesters are shit, and breaking up is shit, and struggling to find work is shit. Fortunately they all get better. The first trimester is nearly over, you already know that you have absolutely done the right thing to get out of that relationship, and you WILL find a job sooner or later. Tough going though- and if you weep at the job centre then so be it!

I had to move back in with my parents- absolutely no shame in that! Ignore your ex and do not put him on the birth certificate.

I can't really offer much help and hopefully someone will be along shortly who can suggest more.
If you are feeling low then I would definitely speak to your midwife or your gp. Make sure you have support in place. It's a harsh welcome to being a parent but you're not alone. We all feel like failures, struggle with energy, sickness. It doesn't mean you have failed at all. It means that you care. You can't plan how life is going to turn out and just have to make a positive out of your situation.
I know you feel alone, but your parents clearly care and when you have your child, you'll understand that parental love which means they will stand by and help you and just want you to be ok.
Remember that your hormones will be all over the shop as well so just take little steps and try and see all the things that you are doing right. If your ex is saying the things he is then you are best off without him so see it as an opportunity to create the life you want for you and your child.

Thank you for all the responses.
I've been to my GP and the only meds she wants to prescribe so early in pregnancy are setraline, which i was actively suicidal on. So i would rather just work through it alone until i can be referred to the perinatal mental health at sixteen weeks.
I broke down in tears at the job center, poor lady looked astounded ha. I've been crying on and off all day- i feel like such a burden. My mom and stepdad now want to move about an hour away in a few months time, which makes me anxious for job opportunities and it means i would have to either change my midwife to a local one halfway through pregnancy or drive an hour and a half.
I know they're all such small issues, but I'm struggling.

You're going to be fine.
This was me, day before I was starting university, positive test. Single parent. Living with parents. Jobless. Hypermesis And an all round terrible pregnancy and terrible postnatal depression. Okay so being a single parent is not easy but you get all the love for yourself. Your parents can help you out too. For the moment focus on yourself and the baby, keep as positive as you can, if you move it will be a fairly simple switch of maternity care early on I think. The job centre told me that it's highly unlikely anyone would employ me anyway, if you have to be on benefits for a little bit, that's okay, there's no shame in it and it's not forever. Oh and also you don't have to put the father on the birth certificate, he will get no legal parental rights but will still be obligated to contribute financially if that is what you want.

Fast forward to now, I'm in a brilliant relationship, we have a second child and it's great. I haven't completed my degree yet but I've done other courses and will get to it when the youngest is a little older.

You can do this, and you'll do great. Sometimes life just takes a different path to what you were expecting.