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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

32 weeks pregnant feeling down about my relationship

10 replies

firstimemum99 · 21/02/2019 22:10

I'm really just feeling so fed up. I've been with my partner for almost 3 years and it hasn't always been the best. I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with our first who was not planned, but still very much wanted by both my partner and I. Lately I just feel so down especially since we've moved into our own home together. We both work full time, he always tries to hold against me that his job is a lot harder than mine, but I'm a support worker for people with learning disabilities with whom have challenging behaviour. I also clean a lot and carry out personal care, and I'm 32 weeks pregnant trust me its not that easy. I also work longer, more unsociable hours than him and do more overtime than him.
I do all of the housework, on my days off I spend all day cleaning and getting ready for the baby, despite being really tired. As soon as he comes home he just plays his xbox and chats to his friends for hours, wont even come off his game to eat the dinner I've just cooked for him, and wont even do the dishes for me afterwards. If he ever has to do any jobs around the house he complains so much that he has to "clean up after me" and that I'm "so messy". Everything in the house was paid for by me, he's terrible with money and although does pay the bills, he can't save money at all and wastes it on stupid things like gym memberships he hardly uses. He hasn't brought a single thing for our baby, but whenever I try to bring money up he just says that I get all of my money handed to me by my family, just because they're generous and want to help us out. I'm 32 weeks pregnant, I sometimes work 50 hour weeks and I have about 5000 worth of savings I've saved over the years to put towards a mortgage one day.

We just seem to be arguing about everything, I feel like he's supposed to support and look after me now that I'm pregnant but he doesn't do that at all, he shouts at me, knows full well he is stressing me out and doesn't even seem that bothered in the pregnancy. He doesn't really want to communicate with me and we almost split up about 2 months ago because he was messaging another woman behind my back. I just feel at a loose end and I try every single day to tell him how I feel but I feel as if he just doesn't care. When I cry and tell him how I feel he practically laughs in my house and says I'm pathetic and stupid. I just don't feel loved and feel as though I may as well be on my own with how lonely I feel. I'm so excited for my little boy to arrive but I don't feel like I can be happy at the moment because there's just constant things for me to do that he never helps with.

OP posts:
AornisHades · 21/02/2019 22:34

You're right. You may as well be on your own. He's calling you names, messaging other women and doesn't do his share around the house.
Realistically is he likely to be any better when the baby arrives? If not can you live like this?

Loopytiles · 21/02/2019 22:36

Sadly he is unlikely to change his ways. Best plan to be a single parent at some point.

Stop doing domestic work for him. Just do the minimum that YOU need to do for yourself.

Loopytiles · 21/02/2019 22:37

Spend the minimum on your DC: you can get by with not much stuff and will need your savings.

pompomcat · 21/02/2019 22:39

OP you poor thing Thanks You've described someone who really doesn't seem to care about you-you and your little one deserve much, much better. Can you access some of your savings and might your family be able to help you leave this man?

leigh39 · 21/02/2019 22:44

If he is like this now imagine what he's gonna he like when the baby arrives ....

firstimemum99 · 21/02/2019 22:53

Thanks for the replies,
It's not that I need him financially. I just feel like I'm trying really hard to hold things together and for what? Don't get me wrong it's not always bad, the reason I gave him another chance last time was because he said how much he loved me and had made a stupid mistake and that he really wants this family. But I can't trust him anymore, the reason he gave for sending sexual messages to someone else was that "I don't give him enough sexual attention now that I'm pregnant". We've had to stop having sex much because it was physically painful and when I dont have sex with him I feel like he's going to look for it from someone else!! I just don't know what to do, I dont want to be a single parent but I genuinely don't see it getting any better. I just feel so excited for my baby to be here, I feel like he's the only one keeping me together at the minute. I just want to be a good mum, I'm only 19, I want him to have a nice home. If I stop cleaning up after my partner then the house will look a mess and I already feel like the stress is piling up on top of me at the moment. We also have a shared car which I brought, and he pays for the insurance. He gets the car most days and I even had to walk 55 minutes to work the other day because I had left my purse in the car and couldn't get the bus, and he just gets to drive the car to and from work every day. I have to sleep at work one night a week too, and when I get home the house is a mess and he spends most of his time on his xbox or sleeping. I feel at such a loose end, it's 11pm and I'm still up now tidying up and sorting clothes out whilst he's flat out on the sofa. So frustrating!

OP posts:
DustyDoorframes · 22/02/2019 08:20

He's behaving having like a child. You are both very young, but that doesn't mean you have to parent him!
I think you know what is best, right?
You say you don't want to be a single mum, but you'd have less work if you were, and do you really want your son growing up with that role model for how men should treat women??

Loopytiles · 22/02/2019 08:24

You took him back because of words, but it’s actions that matter, and his are loud and clear.

There is nothing to stay in this relationship for. Apart from a naive wish that he will change. Very unlikely to happen.

You own the car? Your name on it? The insurance is paid for? Just take and use it!

The mess isn’t what’s causing you stress - the man(child) is. Get a big cardboard box and shove all his shit into it.

Melamine · 22/02/2019 10:55

I am sorry to hear this. Not only might you as well be on your own but your life would be easier as your costs, domestic responsibilities and stress levels will be less. Therefore the better option for you and baby is to ask him to leave. you are strong, extremely capable and will be an amazing mother. His behaviour and how it’s making you feel is the only thing that will have a detrimental effect!

Nathansmommy1 · 23/02/2019 09:31

So sorry to hear what a tough time you are going through. He is really not treating you right and texting other women because you can't give him as much attention as before is really immature behaviour. Sorry to say but this won't change when the baby is born, you're going to have a lot less time to spend with him as the baby will take over your life and become your number one priority.
When the baby comes along it's going to be tough and he is only making everything harder for you, He's not going to help any more once the baby's born. You're going to end up looking after two children.
I really think you would be better off on your own.

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