Pregnant after miscarriage - Feel guilty

[TwittleBee]

Idk how to put this really or if it makes any sense. I just can't stop grieving for the baby I lost due to a MMC in November But at the same time I am thrilled to be pregnant again, was lucky to conceive before AF came post MMC.

I feel that if I never lost my previous baby then I wouldn't ever have known this baby so I feel at odds with myself. I feel awful for grieving my last loss as it's like I am not grateful for this pregnancy or excited to meet this baby but at the same time I struggle with myself to be excited for this baby as I feel like I am betraying my last one.

We have also had to re-redecorate the nursery as it felt wrong to be putting this baby in a room that was meant for someone else. Likewise with the clothes and other little bits we had started to buy.

Does this make sense? Please tell me I'm not alone in this struggle. But also help me feel a way to feel better about it all.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. It makes sense that you are grieving for your loss too. You should see a grief councilor or speak to one of the grief charities... Try Sands or Relate, grief encounters... It will really help you to understand and accept your feelings and be stronger for the baby you're carrying.

Www.Sands.Org.Uk

I second the recommendation for counselling. This is really tough and you don't have to go it alone. I do think that every thing you feel right now is completely normal and expected. It's natural to grieve your child, this current pregnancy will never replace it. But it's also OK to be excited and happy for the new beginning. Your emotions are likely to be tangled up for a while and counselling can really help unravel them.

Thank you for your replies. Sorry I took so long to reply, it is just hard to admit how I feel most of the time without bursting into tears.

How do I get counselling? My experience with it has been very very long waiting lists (had to have counselling following a rape and that took nearly a year to be seen) or really high prices to go private (something we have 0 money for)

In the first instance, I would contact your gp or the fertility clinic, if you attend one. My area has free fertility counselling which I found helpful, the waiting list was several weeks though. If that isn't available for you, I would definitely contact the grief charities mentioned above. You aren't alone.