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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I'm at a complete loss

15 replies

soontobemamma · 20/02/2019 11:46

I've found out I'm pregnant, I'd say about 4-5 weeks, my partner is saying that it wasn't in our plan, I thought I couldn't get pregnant, but now I've found out I am and he wants me to get a termination. This is something I definitely do not want to do but he keeps saying HE'S made HIS mind up, what about my mind? What about my baby? He just keeps saying it wouldn't work he says I've trapped him, he's being quite horrible frankly and it's causing me stress I do not need. I'll always take him into account but with this I don't think he's being fair at all.

What do I do?
X

OP posts:

NotSoThinLizzy · 20/02/2019 11:49

Congratulations op you and him need to have a good long talk about what's going to happen. You may have to go your seperate ways. Outline what exactly you want from him with the baby.

AuntMarch · 20/02/2019 11:57

If you want to be a mum, you tell him that you never expected the chance to be a parent, and you won't throw that chance away. You tell him you are having this baby and he can stick around, or he can clear off now.

When did you tell him? He is being horrible, but it will be a shock. He may come round to the idea. I don't think I could forget his reaction, but I can understand him freaking out if he thought there was no risk chance of pregnancy.

I don't think it should influence your decision, but how long have you been together? Do you know his family? Would they be involved?

Original poster

soontobemamma · 20/02/2019 12:15

He's told all his family, I don't understand why he's done this if he doesn't want to have the baby, it's confused me massively.

He knew there was a slight chance I even asked if he wanted me to go on birth control it makes me unwell so I stated that to him aswell and he said if it makes me unwell then not to.

Straight when we got together I said I can't have children but there is a slight chance.

So I really do think he's being unfair.

OP posts:

Yakadee · 20/02/2019 13:06

I agree that you both need to figure it out but don't let anyone talk you into something you don't want.

If there was a slight chance then he should have known this was still a possibility even if slim.

Congratulations op - I hope you sort everything out xx

Onlyinanemergency · 20/02/2019 13:15

This is a horrible situation. But if you have a termination because he wants you too, even though you want to have the baby, your relationship will not survive. If getting pregnant is a one in a million chance for you, and you want to have a child, I think you have to go for it. There might not be another chance. But it is up to you. It's YOUR right to choose! Good luck.

Amelia910 · 20/02/2019 13:19

Hi OP
I went through something very very similar when I was first pregnant. If you had asked me the week before I would have told you there’s no way I would have continued the pregnancy but as soon as I took the test and saw it was positive there was no chance I was going to terminate. My partner was adamant that we weren’t going to have the baby and it was a tough road but here I am now at 20 weeks and he couldn’t be happier. All Im saying is with a lot of talking some peoplecan change their mind. It doesn’t feel real to a lot of men when it first happens and my partner is a real planner so it was a massive shock to him and not how he lives his life generally. But life is what happens when you make other plans 💕

cja06 · 20/02/2019 17:16

Me and my husband weren't planning to have another baby but I fell unexpectedly whilst on the pill.

We were both completely shocked. It wasn't on the cards for us, it wasn't the best timing and we had other personal stuff going on.

The best thing we did was take some time to think about what we wanted separately. For a week or two we didn't discuss it, we didn't put any pressure each other.

In those few weeks, it gave us time to get our heads around things and get past the initial shock and panic. We then sat down and were honest with each other and mutually agreed we wanted the baby.

I'm not saying your OH will change his mind. All I'm saying is that this has come as a big shock to you both, there's lots of feelings going on... now is not the time to make a rash decision. Both of you take your time (within reason obv) to decide what is right for you both.

Good luck

Mrsmummy90 · 20/02/2019 17:38

If you terminate, you will resent him.
If you have the baby, he will resent you.

I think it's safe to say that you need to make this decision assuming you will be a single woman. This may be your only chance to have a child so if you want it, don't let him pressurise you into giving it up. Xx

IAmWonderWoman · 20/02/2019 17:48

You need to make the decision based on you being a single parent. If this is possibly your only chance to have a baby and you want that baby then go for it, but prepared that you’ll be doing it alone. He can’t make you do anything, the final decision lies with you. Why did you think you couldn’t have children? He could have worn condoms if he really didn’t want to take the chance. The responsibility lies with both of you.

EvaHarknessRose · 20/02/2019 18:04

Get away from him for a while.

lunabody · 20/02/2019 18:08

What cja06 said ^

currantbeings · 20/02/2019 18:17

My partner did this to me when I found out I was pregnant.

No, it wasn’t ideal but there was no way that I was going to go through with a termination.

I just told him that it was his choice as to whether or not he was supportive of my decision to keep the baby. I made it very clear to him that this is my body and my decision regardless of what he wanted.

My advice to you, OP is to leave the ball in his court. You’ve made your mind up and would regret it forever if you went through with a termination.

Myself and my partner are still together, engaged now. Our DD is 5 and we have another DD on the way in a couple of months time.

Whisky2014 · 20/02/2019 18:20

Why did you think you couldn't get pregnant from unprotected sex using no birth control?

Anyhoo, it's not his decision. If you want it, keep it. He can choose to be involved or not.

Original poster

soontobemamma · 20/02/2019 19:28

I stated in my post that I didn't think I could have children.
I've been told it's impossible but there's still a very small chance. And I let him know all this also stated in the post I said to why I didn't take birth control as it makes me sick I asked him if he wanted me to still take it and he said it was fine if it made me ill.

It's neither of our faults but he's being very unfair about it I feel anyway.

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 20/02/2019 19:42

Yes but you never stated why..could just be "oh I dont think i can get pregnant"...

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