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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Miscarriage - natural or intervention?

22 replies

sophied1983 · 19/02/2019 14:32

Found out this morning that the pregnancy isn't viable (am 9+4). I'm so sad.

Deep down I knew. Something just didn't feel right.

I feel like I'd prefer to let things happen naturally... but if it started in the office?! Not sure how I'd cope emotionally.

For those who have been through this - what option did you choose?

Saw a heartbeat two weeks ago (albeit a slow one) and the baby was conceived in our special place (Whitby) - so feel extra sad.

OP posts:

Glitterandunicorns · 19/02/2019 14:51

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've not been in that position, but think I would prefer to know when it was going to happen so you can prepare yourself for it.
Take care of yourself, @sophied1983

GemmaJen · 19/02/2019 15:00

I'm so sorry, its an awful thing to go through. I had an MMC in November. Took drugs to help it along, it was less painful than expected ( just like period pain)and the bleeding stopped in 24hrs. The wait list for d&c was 3w in our area.

Teakind · 19/02/2019 15:39

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I worked an hour and a half away from home when I was in the same situation as you and couldn’t bare the thought of it starting there. I had medical management at home so I wouldn’t be taken by surprise.

snowy29 · 19/02/2019 15:44

So sorry to read your sad news

I had a MMC in July (discovered at around 9-10 weeks) and I decided that D&C was best for me. I hated the thought of not knowing when it would happen and just wanted it all over ASAP so I could start to come to terms with it all.

I had the procedure a couple of days later and physically recovered very quickly. It was a hard time emotionally, but thankfully I fell pregnant again 4 months later. I am now 17 weeks and everything has been fine so far.

Be kind to yourself OP and I really hope things work out for you next time xxx

Original poster

sophied1983 · 19/02/2019 15:44

I can't stop crying :(

OP posts:

MamaDane · 19/02/2019 15:52

Oh OP, I would recommend surgery, I had a missed abortion last July and was also wondering if I should let the baby "pass" naturally, but I chose surgery and I haven't regretted that decision.
We could begin TTC after I had stopped bleeding and had my first period. It felt nice that we could get started again and had something to look forward to. The hospital staff was incredibly nice and the nurse held my hand. It only took about 15 minutes (I'm guessing as I was passed out) and the following pain and bleeding were less than that of a normal period.
While heartbreaking, it's nice to have closure. I am now pregnant again with twins.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take all of the time you need to heal.

Babycakes1989 · 19/02/2019 16:38

So sorry for your loss 💐 I too had a mmc in July last year only diagnosed at 12 week scan and opted for a D&C as my body had showed no signs of letting things pass. I had to wait a week for the procedure but I was so glad I opted for it. Treated so well and with dignity by the hospital, procedure takes 45 mins max and the whole thing including the hospital stay was 4/5 hours. After I came round I felt so much relief as I was desperate to try and move on and grieve. I remember once I came round I was made the best cuppa tea by the nurse and ate my sandwich, and she came and sat on end of bed before we left and told us how we must not give up and there’s no reason why we can’t go on to have a healthy and normal pregnancy next time. I was in a small ward with 3 other couples all gone through the same thing - they do that procedure for 3/4 couples a day sometimes more. Small comfort for me as when it first happened I never heard of a missed miscarriage and thought there was something wrong with me. 5 months on I’m not approaching 9 weeks pregnant and have a private scan booked for Saturday. Bricking it is an understand but I’m praying it’s a different story this time around. Loves to of luck and best wishes to you 💐 xxx

Babycakes1989 · 19/02/2019 16:39

*now approaching

ronniemipperton · 19/02/2019 16:45

So sorry for your loss. I had a MMC discovered at 10 weeks in July last year. This thread was really helpful: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

I went for an ERPC and felt like I’d made the right choice - hospital staff were lovely and I felt looked after. It’s still awful of course - not being able to stop crying is completely normal - but I think for me it was the least awful option.

Take a good amount of time off work and look after yourself x

outpinked · 19/02/2019 16:49

I’m so sorry for your loss .

It’s a very personal decision. I wanted it all over ASAP when I had my missed miscarriages so had the ERPC. I actually opted for medical management the first time but almost died due to haemorrhaging, it made the whole thing 1000x more traumatic and I needed an emergency ERPC anyway. It was the easiest and quickest way in my mind, I didn’t want to be in hospital any longer than I had to be and also didn’t want to drag out the process potentially for weeks.

It’s entirely up to you but whatever you decide be kind to yourself .

namechangechanger · 19/02/2019 16:55

I'm going through a MMC at the moment. I chose to let things happen naturally and it was the right thing for me. It just feels right to let my body deal with it itself iyswim. Be aware though that I've waited 6 weeks from when the baby stopped growing to starting bleeding the waiting was really hard but it still feels like I made the right decision.

Original poster

sophied1983 · 19/02/2019 18:45

Thanks everyone for sharing.

OP posts:

cja06 · 19/02/2019 19:13

I had a natural miscarriage (I was never offered anything else) and to be brutally honest, it wasn't pleasant at all. Heavy bleeding, gushes at times and pains.

I'm sorry I'm not trying to be insensitive or anything, just being dead honest. Knowing what I do now, I'd probably opt for a d&c

Sorry you're going through this ;(

Original poster

sophied1983 · 19/02/2019 19:42

The fear of that starting at work too... on a practical and emotional level...

OP posts:

cja06 · 19/02/2019 20:31

I absolutely understand. You could always get signed off work, I did.

Sunflower1989 · 19/02/2019 20:37

I am so so so sorry for your loss OP. I experienced a miscarriage two years ago and although only 8 weeks, I was devastated. It doesn't help that you have to make the choice of management. I opted for surgical in the end but it's true that you have to do what is right for you.
I see that work is a concern for you and that you fear things happening at work. I too rushed back to work really quickly and I was like a shell of myself. Keeping busy normally helps me but I really struggled. My advice would be to take some time off. Make things as low stress as possible and give this time to process. It is okay not to just bounce back and soldier on. Miscarriage association is a good site for information. Talk to friends and family and don't bottle it up. Sending love to you xx

MadeForThis · 19/02/2019 22:14

I had a mmc at 11 weeks. But baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. Went in for a scan as I'd had a couple of spots of blood. Only agreed to scan me as I was going on holiday the next day.

The wait for a d & c was 10 days. However it happened naturally after 3 days. Psychologically I'm glad it happened naturally. I had a few mad moments of thinking that they had got the scan wrong. As my body lost the baby I can have no ridiculous thoughts or doubts like that.

Although if it had got to the appointment I would have had the d & c. When I initially found out I wanted the d & c straight away. It was so so sad to think of the baby inside. And I desperately just wanted to start trying again.

Original poster

sophied1983 · 20/02/2019 06:41

I was so pleased it only took us four months to conceive as I have ridiculously long and irregular cycles.

Maybe my daughter will thank us for it as it means she won't have a lifetime of shared birthdays (baby was due day after hers).

OP posts:

Tobebythesea · 20/02/2019 08:57

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had 2 mc last year with one being natural and the other with medication. Both lasted a week and both were the same amount of bleeding and pain. (Hot water bottle and co-codeamol).

I chose medication last time as I have a toddler and limited support and needed to know when it was going to happen so that I could organise help. If I have another mc I would chose d and c as I feel it would give me some control over a situation that is out of my control.

Original poster

sophied1983 · 20/02/2019 08:59

I think my own body has answered the question for me as got cramps today and what looks like the start of bleeding which I imagine will ramp up.

Off this week with my little one covering childcare. We've got a nice day out planned today.

OP posts:

ronniemipperton · 20/02/2019 09:09

So sorry. If you can, get hold of some Tena maxi pads, you can get them in Boots and most supermarkets.

Lauren83 · 20/02/2019 09:16

I had a MMC at 8.5 weeks after seeing HB at 6.5, I chose surgery as just wanted it dealing with and wanted to be back in work to keep myself busy, the surgery itself was fine although I did develop early ashermans that would be my only reservation should the same happen again but guess that's a risk anyway.

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